Video: 8 Signs Of Self Sabotage
Wondering what are the signs of self-sabotage? Curious about self-sabotage and manifestation?
If you’re struggling to manifest, there’s a very good chance that you actually are. When I first bring this up to people, I know there’s a little resistance. They think: why on earth would I want to push away the very thing that I really want?
Today, we’re going to get into it. I’m going to share with you eight signs of self-sabotage. If you are a conscious creator who really wants to create their dream life, this is for you.
As I said at the top, we are talking all about self-sabotage today. Self-sabotage is something I have brought up in the past a few times. But just in case you are new here, let’s talk first about manifestation and self-sabotage before I get into the tips that I’m going to give you today.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
You have probably heard me mention self-sabotage before. So you might be wondering, ‘What on earth is she talking about?’ I know I talk kind of fast sometimes. Sometimes I throw out some big concepts and just think that you’re going to understand what they are. I know that that isn’t always necessarily the case. Today, we’re going to slow it down a little bit and talk about what self-sabotage is. Because this is such a key thing for everyone to understand if you are serious about creating your goals.
You’ve also got to become aware of the ways in which you self-sabotage yourself. When you’re trying to manifest, you are thinking about this amazing goal, or this amazing dream. And it all seems like sunshine and roses at first, right? Maybe you’ve had this experience that with some of your goals and some of your dreams. They come true really quickly and they come true really fast.
Most of us have some areas that we struggle with. We tend to struggle maybe in an area like money or love or maybe both of them. Because they’re actually both connected.
Manifestation & Self Sabotage
If you’ve been struggling with something for a long time, maybe it’s easy to believe that this thing is really just difficult to manifest. Or that it is really difficult for everyone to have an amazing relationship or to manifest a lot of money.
But these things do not have to be difficult. Just because you have struggled with them for a long time doesn’t mean that you have to continue struggling with them.
What is really happening in these areas that we have the biggest problems with is that usually. We have our conscious desires and our subconscious desires. And they are not always on the same page.
The way I always describe this is like having a car with four wheels. Only two of the wheels are going left, and two of the wheels are going right. So, you end up going nowhere because the car has no direction. Basically, that is the same thing that is happening in your mind in these areas when it comes to your conscious and subconscious desires.
While part of you really wants this amazing relationship or bank account, the other part of your brain is completely terrified of it. I know that sounds insane, but it’s actually true. Our subconscious mind really just wants us to stay exactly the same at all times. It wants you to sit your butt back down on the sofa and to not take any risks. This part of you wants you to not do anything new, go anywhere new, experience anything new, or basically have any kind of fun like that.
Your Subconscious Fears Are Keeping You Trapped
When you are becoming a conscious creator, you need to become aware of the ways in which your subconscious mind will keep you trapped. One of the ways your subconscious mind always keeps you trapped is through the art of self-sabotage. Basically, self-sabotage is anytime we are actually the ones getting in our way. Unless you recognize the patterns, it’s probably not going to feel like it’s you that’s behind all of this stuff.
It is going to feel like the world is against you. Or like you just keep encountering the same bad luck. Maybe it’ll feel like you are just kind of cursed. Or perhapsthat no matter how hard you try, you can’t break out of your cycle. That’s not the case, my friends.
Your Brain Might Fear Happiness
Again, a lot of this has to do with self-sabotage. When we start to get a little uncomfortable, a little too happy, too in love, or too rich, your subconscious brain might do its very best to trick you into going back and becoming the same person you have always been.
If you want to become somebody new, you need to know how to get out of these potential pitfalls. Without any further ado, let’s dive into the eight signs of self-sabotage. I’m sure there’s more than eight. But this should give you a good start for figuring out where your unique traps are so that you can start to recognize them and then start to get out of them.
8 Signs of Self Sabotage In Manifestation
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation #1: Changing Your Mind
This one is changing your mind. Have you ever set an intention for yourself like: ‘I want to manifest ten thousand dollars this month.’ And then next week you come back and you’re like, ‘Hmm, I think I was asking for too much. So maybe I should only manifest two thousand dollars this month.’
Maybe you are really craving this amazing relationship, like the kind that you see on Instagram or on TV. But then when it comes down to it, you’re like, ‘I don’t really think that’s a real thing. So, I’m not even gonna try to manifest what I want.’
Are You Changing Direction A Lot?
Anytime that you are setting one goal and then replacing it–or just ignoring that entirely and pretending it never happened–I would really question why that is.
In example I gave with money, you can definitely manifest ten thousand dollars a month. When it comes to money, I would recommend starting off with something smaller than that. But you can definitely manifest that money. What this is usually a sign of is that part of your brain has thought about it a little bit and is starting to feel the fear. It’s like, ‘I don’t know. That sounds like a lot of money. I might have to work a lot more hours to make that happen. And what if I got that money? What would I actually do with it?’
Don’t Talk Yourself Out Of It
Instead of you really processing those kind of fear thoughts, instead you’re like, ‘Uh, maybe I should just be more reasonable and ask for a more realistic amount.’ Or the same thing with the relationship. ‘I know I want this kind of relationship. But I’m going to kind of talk myself out of it tell myself that it’s not available for me or that it doesn’t actually exist. And then I’ll just leave that whole intention behind and pretend it never happened.’
If you were doing either of those things, question why that is. Because it isn’t just you being realistic or reasonable or whatever you’re telling yourself that you are doing. It is really you caving into your fear. And that is really just self-sabotage, even though you probably don’t see it that way.
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation #2: Making Setbacks Mean Something
This is making your setbacks mean something bad about you or about what you desire. In any journey to create something new in our life, we think can do all the planning that we want to in our mind. We can think, ‘Yes, I want to get this promotion at work. I’m going to put in all these hours, and then I’m going to get promoted.’ But maybe it doesn’t actually work out that way in real life.
In the world of manifestation, the whole key is to keep believing and to keep going forward. It’s kind of holding on loosely to that idea and letting go of the hows. But most of us get really caught up by the hows. We really have created this story in our mind about how things should work. We’ve bought into the story so much we don’t even realize what we’re actually doing.
Watch Out For Your Inner Mean Girl
When reality is not the same as what we imagined, then we’re like, ‘Oh no, something has gone wrong. This must mean that I’m not good at manifesting. Or it must mean that I’m not worthy of this promotion. Maybe this must mean something bad about me.’ Does this sound familiar? I know I have definitely been there.
If this is resonating, this is just your fear voice in disguise. It is trying to get you to stop what you’re doing. So, it’s really important to remember that we can set the goal, and we can put in the work. But we don’t always get to decide how long or how windy the journey is going to be. When something comes up and you decide to let it stop you, you have to realize that that is exactly what you’re doing. If you buy into these stories about why you can’t have something, the only thing you are doing is really stopping your own progress. You get to keep carrying on if you want to. So, why would you choose to stop now?
If there is a mean girl in your head or a mean guy in your head telling you that you shouldn’t bother trying, I would really suggest looking into that. Because it is a definite sign of self-sabotage.
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation #3: Talking Yourself Out Of It
The next sign is talking yourself out of it. For example, telling yourself suddenly that there is just no way that you can have the thing that you want. This connects to the thing I was just speaking about. Basically, this is when there is a little helpful voice inside your head that starts to tell you all the reasons why you shouldn’t bother. All the reasons why it’s impossible. Or all the reasons why somebody like you can’t do this one thing.
The Voice of Self-Sabotage
This could sound like, ‘Well, nobody from my town has done this before. Nobody that went to my school has ever done this. No one with my skin color can do this, etc.’ In the privacy of your own mind, that voice is going to sound like “It’s just being reasonable”. The voice just being rational, and it’s just trying to protect you from getting hurt. But that voice in your mind, even though it might not sound remotely afraid, is just another form of fear in disguise.
Again, it is part of your ego-based brain trying to control you. It’s trying to get you not to take action and to actually become the person you want to be. You might start to hear these really legit sounding excuses in your mind after you’ve already set an intention or decided to go for it. But it’s your job to start not believing that voice. It’s your job to not buy into that story. Remember, you are here to fulfill your dreams. Understand it’s just your mind playing a trick on you. But if you have that reporter voice in your brain telling you, ‘No,’ that is a definite sign that you are falling into the trap of self-sabotage.
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation #4: Procrastination
This is everybody’s favorite: procrastination. Procrastination can trip us up in oh so many ways. The way that procrastination really works is by convincing you that it is doing something important instead of doing what’s actually important. Say, you’re wanting to go for a new job. But you’re procrastinating working on your resume or updating your LinkedIn. Perhaps there is a workout routine that you have committed to. But you are procrastinating until the last minute to the point that you actually miss the class.
Procrastination can work in a bigger way. It can be us convincing ourselves that if we just think about something or plan something or worry about something long enough, that we are going to feel suddenly way better about it. So, procrastination can take any number of different shapes.
Why Are You Putting It Off
The important thing for you to know is to realize that this is a sign of self-sabotage. When you know exactly what you want and you have an idea of how to make that happen, then everything else is just details. The stories that we create about why we need to do something else first or why we need to sit around and think about something before we take action, those are all again just stories about your ego mind. They are going to convince you not to do anything.
Any story that is telling you not to do something is your self-sabotage procrastination. It is up to you to start to realize that when you are procrastinating what you are actually doing. Start to weigh the costs between what you want and the story you are creating. Because most of the time, we are wasting our time on is nowhere nearly as important to us as the thing that we want. Keep an eye out for procrastination because that is a really big sign of self-sabotage.
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation #5: Dropping Your Commitments
This one is also similar to what I was just speaking about. But this one is dropping your commitments to either yourself or to other people. Our word is really a super important thing–even though we tend to talk ourselves out of that. But over time, it can be really detrimental to stop believing yourself when you make a promise to do something.
Take the workout example. You promise yourself that you are going to start getting up every day early and doing yoga or going for a run. But then every morning, you wake up and you roll over, you hit this news alarm and go back to sleep. I know that in that moment in time when you’re hitting the snooze button, it can seem like, ‘Well, yes, I’m really tired today. Tomorrow, I’m going to do that.’ But we all know that that isn’t really true. Because at some point in time, you are going to have to get over this and start to do it.
Tomorrow doesn’t exist. It is only ever today. We can pretend that it is going to be easier tomorrow. But it is never going to be easier tomorrow.
Breaking Commitments = Breaking Your Word
You are actually making a commitment to yourself and breaking it. Or maybe making a commitment to a friend or a partner and breaking it. That really erodes your sense of self-trust. When you have no sense of self-trust, then it doesn’t really matter what you say you were going to do.
If you have a history of giving up on yourself or a history of hitting the snooze button on everything big that you have ever wanted, you’re going to have a hard time believing in your own ability to succeed. That is not to say that you can’t do it. There’s a very big difference between your actual ability to do something and the story and the expectations you have created here.
The stories that you tell yourself matter. And the promises you make yourself matter. Giving up on yourself continually is actually super damaging to your overall success and happiness. If you are continually dropping the ball on yourself, not showing up to the workout, not putting the money in the bank, not doing the things that you promised yourself you were going to do, it is time to start to get real.
Keep Your Eye On The Prize
Part of you really wants this other version of life. If you are having a big divide between here and there, it is really a chance for you. So dive in and start to figure out how you can start to make the journey into who you actually want to be and to start showing up for yourself. That is a huge sign of self-sabotage to look out for.
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation #6: Perfectionism
Yes, even perfectionism can really just be self-sabotage in disguise. Perfectionism comes up for a lot of us, and it can look like a bunch of different things. It is actually something that I realize that I have actually struggled with. Though before last year, I would never have considered myself a perfectionist. I thought a perfectionist was the person with the perfect handwriting. The person that always got straight A’s in school, and that, honey, is not me. But perfectionism can exist for all of us, and it can be really limiting.
It Wants You To Give Up
The first way that perfectionism can trip you up is by convincing you over and over again that the way that you’re doing things right now isn’t working. So you should just give up and try again tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, right? Has this ever happened to you?
For example, let’s go back to the diet example. Say you have made a goal of becoming vegan, and then three days into the vegan diet, you slip up and you have something you’re not supposed to have. Part of you, if you are buying into this perfectionism thinking, might be like, ‘Well, I already ate the cheese today, so I might as well eat cheese for the rest of the day, maybe even the rest of the week, and I’ll start all over again.’ If this is you, this is really just a way for you to delay doing the work. This is really a way for you to delay stepping into the next level you. It’s really just a way for you to not do the things that you wanted to do. Ding, ding!
Perfectionism can also work differently. This is the way that I found it worked for me. Sometimes I would think I wanted to do something, but then when I realized I couldn’t do it to the level that I thought it should be done or that I imagined it being, that I would just not do it at all. Because if I can’t be perfect at it, why even bother trying? And I can tell you that this style perfectionism is also very limiting. It will keep you from ever really doing what you want to do. It will especially keep you from learning the things you need to in order to become the person you want to be.
You Can’t Think Your Way There
Again, perfectionism really buys into this idea that if I plan hard enough or if I get my willpower strong enough, I can do this thing. Or that there’s only one way that I think it can be done. And that isn’t the way humans work. It isn’t the way life works.
The road to getting what we want is bumpy, even the manifesting road, you guys. You’ve got to be okay with things not going your way. Be okay with not being a perfect person because you will never be a perfect person. If you think you can only have the thing that you want when you become perfect, you have just created a self-perpetuating cycle of you never ever getting there.
Embrace Imperfection
You have to get on board with your imperfection-ism. Get on board with you making mistakes and not being okay. And get on board with the things that are happening in real life not matching the image that you created in your mind and that also being okay.
We actually don’t know what is required to do the things we want to do until we actually go out there and do them. Any story that tells you otherwise in your brain is again probably just an ego chop trying to keep you from trying it all. So perfectionism is a huge sign of self-sabotage, and it’s something to look out for in yourself.
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation #7: Picking A Fight
This one is picking a fight or pushing people away. There are lots of signs of self-sabotage I could get into in specific regard to relationships. But this is a pretty big one, and I’m kind of lumping these two things together. Have you ever had that moment when you were with a partner and suddenly you’re arguing about something? And you started the argument and you’re not even really sure why. This could definitely be a sign of self-sabotage and especially when it comes to relationships.
While a lot of us want that beautiful movie star kind of relationship with no drama and just amazing communication, there’s another part of our brain that really likes the chaos and the drama and the push and pull. It’s that part of our brain that sets up these self-sabotage traps like picking a fight over nothing or pushing somebody away when you are feeling a little bit too close or too happy.
Crappy Relationships Might Feel Safe
What that really means is that your relationship comfort zone is a lot lower than you think it is. And what’s really happening is you are getting a little too happy. You are getting a little bit too much joy and not a roller coaster ride. Sometimes your brain is used to the roller coaster ride. Especially if you watch your parents or your caretakers as a child experience their emotional rollercoaster ride, there’s a part of your brain that thinks that that is the way relationships should be.
Even when you’re getting the thing that your conscious brain wants–that amazing happy connected relationship–this other part of your brain is like, ‘Oh no, this is not the way relationships should be. We’ve got to do something to spice things up. I’m going to start picking on you right now.’ That is the way our subconscious mind works. And that is exactly the way we can self-sabotage our own best interests, especially when it comes to love and romance.
If you are picking fights and this doesn’t just have to be with a romantic partner. This could be with a friendship. Or it could be somebody at work. But if you’re picking fights or pushing somebody away and you’re not really getting why. You don’t really know what you’re doing. You’re just realizing that you’re doing it. That is a huge sign of self-sabotage, and it is a point for you to check in and start to heal from.
Signs Of Self Sabotage in Manifestation: Buffering
This is the big one, so that’s why I saved it for the end. But this is buffering, or in other words, addictive behaviors.
When I talk about addiction, I know people’s first reaction to that is usually, ‘Well, I’m not an addict. I’m not an alcoholic or a drug addict. So this doesn’t apply to me.’ Let me just stop you right there because actually, most of us are subject to this behavior.
Buffering is just a behavior that we start doing compulsively in order to get away from our more uncomfortable or negative thoughts. This can happen for all kinds of reasons. We might choose to start engaging in more of these activities instead of working on the things that we really want. Or the things that we know are going to help us get the things we want in life.
Buffering Example
For example: Maybe you’re starting a business, like me. But at one point in time, you were making hanging out with your friends way more of a priority than it should have been. This is really easy for me to say looking backward. In my defense, I was a new person in Berlin with very few friends in a foreign land. Of course, I prioritized friendship maybe more than I should have for a while. But I learned this about myself. I learned that I was prioritizing these things over this other thing that I said that I wanted, and I had to learn how to balance it out.
Watch Out For “Self-Care”
But we can do this with all kinds of things. Again, it is important to realize that this is not just about the addictions that you normally think about. A buffering behavior could be too much Facebook, too much Netflix, too much going to the gym even. It could be something that seems healthy but actually isn’t. Think: too much porn, too much reading, too much anything that is taking you out of where you currently are in life.
Sometimes we even label these behaviors as self-care. For example, shopping, buying yourself more stuff, telling yourself you’re gonna feel better if I just, you know, buy this other pair of shoes. All of those things again can be self-sabotaged in disguise.
Self-Sabotage Quote
Self-sabotage that is taking you away from what you actually want in life. I’m gonna leave you this quote here. This is actually the genesis from where I got this whole video idea today. It is a quote from Victor Frankel, and I’m pretty sure from ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ his book. His amazing book, by the way, if you’ve never read it. “When a man can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.”
Get Honest With Yourself
Are you distracting yourself with pleasure? Perhaps putting more time into the video games than into planning your business? Or building your bank account, learning how to invest your money, going on dating sites, doing whatever it is that will take you closer to the thing you want to manifest? Are you running away at the same time as you’re trying to attract something in?
This is nothing to feel ashamed about. Do not beat yourself up. Don’t go into the shame-pity cycle. It’s okay for you to do this. We’re all human and we all do this. But it’s important for you to start to recognize that this is a self-sabotage pattern. It might feel good in the short term. But it is not helping you to manifest the life that you want and it is not helping you become the person who you really want to be.
Signs Of Self-Sabotage Final Notes
That was it for my eight signs of self-sabotage. Did you learn something today? Which sign of self=sabotage resonated with you?
Remember the most important takeaway from this video. This isn’t supposed to be something for you to beat yourself up about. It’s not supposed to be you feeling shame and feeling badly about these things. We cannot heal from these things or even transform them until we know what we’re working against.
Awareness Is The First Step
The most important first step in any journey towards healing our subconscious mind is awareness. I really hope that today’s video brought you some much-needed awareness about the ways that you might be secretly self-sabotaging your own best efforts at creating the life that you really want and really deserve.
You can get past every single one of these. Again, this is not ever a reflection on what you are capable of. This is just the game that your brain is playing. The more awareness you have about that game, the better you will be able to handle it.
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