The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

Self Sabotage & Manifestation: 8 Signs To Look For

by: Jenn


Fact: we will always self-sabotage ourselves when we try to manifest some really great things for ourselves.

That’s because while our conscious brain wants one thing, our subconscious mind wants something else entirely.

This is how we end up focusing on the wrong things, making excuses and even pushing away the very thing we want! Only we can’t see how we’re actually the ones responsible.

Wondering if you are self-sabotaging your own manifestations? In today’s video, I’m sharing 8 signs of self-sabotage–so you can recognize them in your own world and start to overcome them to become truly happy!





Thank you so much for watching!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life



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holographic background with text Self Sabotage & Manifestation: 8 Signs To Look For

3 Steps To Shadow Integration: Healing Yourself For MANIFESTATION

by: Jenn

Manifesting your dream life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows (unfortunately).

No matter what the other teachers tell you, it’s not just about “feeling good” and “holding the frequency”.

Sure, those things are a great start.

But the typical manifestation techniques you’ve heard a million times only scratch the surface.

In reality, manifestation is a 360-degree process.

We don’t just manifest from our conscious mind (and conscious desires).

We also manifest from our subconscious mind: and this is where many people get stuck.

We assume that because we’re not aware of something that it must not exist. But that’s totally untrue.

Our subconscious mind also contains our Shadow: the parts of us that we ignore, downplay and run away from.

However, all of that denial and avoidance obviously does not make the problem go away.

Instead, it serves to magnify those issues: after all, if we don’t heal them, we’ll continue to attract the same old harmful and toxic situations into our life over and over again, always wondering why oh why this keeps happening to us.

As with anything, in Shadow work the only way out is through.

Now that you know the truth, you owe it to yourself to stop ignoring your Shadow and to start uncovering the blocks hidden within it.

Summoning your bravery and beginning the inner healing journey will transform your world in ways you’ve never even dreamed about.

Are you ready to get started with shadow integration? Follow the steps in this quick start guide to begin your healing journey!


3 Steps To Shadow Integration: Healing Yourself For MANIFESTATION


Shadow Integration Step #1:

Notice Your Dark Desires


Your conscious desires are the ones you’re highly aware of (think: your big manifestation goals). But they’re not the only things you’re craving. Hidden in our Shadow and subconscious mind, we all have desires for things that we’d rather not admit.

However, ignoring or pushing away those desires is not an effective management plan. In fact, that only ensures that you’ll keep playing out repeating patterns and self-sabotaging some of your own best efforts, over and over again.

It’s sometimes tough to admit the truth about ourselves:

  • We want a boyfriend but secretly we love complaining about being single.
  • We want to create more money but secretly we love the drama of hustling up the rent money every month.
  • We want to start our own business but secretly we love pretending that we’re not actually in charge of our own happiness and security.

But admitting that that one tiny piece of you is really into the pain/drama/chaos is the first step to healing and overcoming.

Don’t waste any time judging or minimizing or justifying it. Don’t beat yourself up for being *gasp!* human! Give yourself permission to allow that tiny part of you to want those terrible things.

This is the only way we can unite our divided will and step into our full power as a Conscious Creator.


Shadow Integration Step #2:

Notice Your Triggers


Have you ever gotten really upset over something but didn’t really know why? Have you ever felt extreme anger or anxiety about something that–on the surface–shouldn’t be that big of a deal?

Those sudden dramatic or big overreactions are really just a sign that you’ve been triggered: there’s something about this current experience that’s echoing something that happened to you in the past. So your brain isn’t simply reacting from this current moment. Instead, it’s gone into protection mode. It’s gone into attack mode in a fruitless attempt to protect you from experiencing the shame, anger, or fear that you experienced in the past.

When you bump a cup that’s full, a little bit of what’s on the inside spills right out. That’s the same way that triggers work: one tiny bump and little bit of our hidden trauma is brought right up to the surface!

So don’t get upset with yourself when these moments happen. They happen to everyone! Don’t look at them as burdens or failures. Instead, they are the keys to unlocking part of your Shadow.

  • What does this experience remind you of? (Don’t overanalyze it! Go with your gut.)
  • What did you need back then that you didn’t receive?
  • If back then you’d received the emotional/mental/spiritual/physical support that you needed, how would you be feeling differently now?

We can’t actually go back into our past and change things. But we always have the power to heal our inner child and to rewrite the story of us to reflect who we want to be in this world.


Shadow Integration Step #3:

Notice Where You Have Low Self-Worth


Low self-worth is the classic hallmark of Shadow-in-disguise. Again, this mostly stems from childhood shame experiences that we ran away from or covered up but never actually healed.

While we all experience shame, very few of us were taught how to manage shame in our minds. But since shame is the lowest human emotion, those wounds run very deep. I believe that until we make this work mainstream, the majority of humans on this planet are walking around holding onto painful secrets in their Shadow that are limiting and blocking them.

For example: think of how your aunt told you you were bad at sports/math/fill-in-the-blank when you were seven and you spent most of your teenage years worrying about being bad at sports/math/etc.

When we experience intense shame, we are triggered into a version of Freeze Fight or Flight. Most of us choose Flight: by choosing to run as far away from that version of us as possible.

However, while this strategy works in the short term, running away never actually heals the original shame experience. That means that there’s some hidden part of us who still feels that experience deeply and probably has a low sense of self-worth about that topic as well.

  • When did you experience intense shame as a child?
  • What did you do to cope with that? Who did you have to become?
  • Who would you be without that experience? What would you stop overcompensating for?

When thinking about shame, it’s so important to realize that shame does not mean that you are unworthy or unlovable. The experiences that made you feel otherwise are not telling you the truth. When you can extend yourself true self-love and self-acceptance, despite those experiences you get to step into your true authentic power.



Shadow integration isn’t at all scary or mysterious. It’s actually an important tool for growth and manifestation in every area of your life that feels like lack or resistance.

No one gets a perfect childhood so there is nothing to feel angry or upset about here. The memories you uncover during shadow work might initially sting but ultimately they will offer you so much more freedom than denying or ignoring them ever did.

As a bonus, once you heal those wounds you can finally stop manifesting the same old negative patterns and move into attracting what you really want.

Happy Shadow integration my friends!



Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life



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woman in shadows with text 3 Steps To Shadow Integration: Healing Yourself For MANIFESTATION

Heal Your Past To Create Your Future

by: Jenn

Are you one of the emotional walking wounded?

In this modern age, we all seem to know a whole lotta stuff. Yet an essential part of your human experience remains something of a mystery. Our emotions are still not something most of us are taught how to deal with.

In fact, those big bad emotions of ours can make people pretty uncomfortable. While negative emotions are a fact of life, the world around us seems to be in a rush for us “get over it”, no matter what has just happened to us.

But your emotions are important!


Every emotion is here for a reason. They’re not right or wrong, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.



While I do teach that we have a lot more control over our emotions than we think, it’s also important to take a moment to honor what we’re feeling–and more importantly to allow ourselves to feel it.

But this is what usually happens instead.

For example, instead, of talking about a relationship and breakup, let’s pretend we’re talking about climbing a tree.

Say you’re climbing the tree but one day you fall off of the branches. You’re suddenly on the ground with a broken arm.

Ouch!

But instead of going to the hospital to get your arm fixed, your friends and family tell you: “Hey it’s not that bad!” “Look at the bright side!” “You’re gonna be fine!”

They urge you to just get up and keep going–so you do! You start climbing the tree again, even though every moment causes you intense pain.

Your arm might even look okay from the outside! Not every broken bone is visible to others. So your friends and family tell you you’re doing great.

But are you really okay?

Is your arm really healed?

Are you climbing the tree as well as you could?

Probably not!

Just like this hypothetical broken bone, so many of us are carrying inner wounds and going through our day pretending “everything is fine”.

And today I just want to show you how utterly insane that is!

So let this be your sign: if you’re carrying on this charade in your own life, then maybe it’s time to stop.

You must heal the wounds of the past before you carry on with the rest of your life!

That doesn’t mean wallowing or hanging out in victim mode forever. But it does mean letting go of judgment and pretending that you are okay. It means validating whatever it is you’re feeling because it’s 100% okay to feel the way you do.

Pretending to be fine never works! The longer you judge your emotions and pretend they’re not there the more difficult it will be to figure out what’s going wrong down the road.

But on the flip side, if you let yourself feel your feelings you’ll also be able to release those feelings and move forward, all the wiser and stronger for whatever it is you’ve experienced.


3 Steps To Heal Your Past (So You Can Create Your Future!)


Heal Your Past Tip #1:

Notice Where The Pain Is


Most of us intrinsically judge both our pain and our healing path. We try to convince ourselves that we left our past long ago but in reality, part of us is still very much grieving that time.

Denial is not the same as healing! I liken this approach to holding a ball under water. You can keep it down as long as you’re paying attention. But what happens if your attention slips? (Or you need your hand to do something else?) That’s right: the ball will pop right back out of the water, sometimes with a surprising amount of force! Holding it down didn’t make it go away. It just hid it from view for a while–which is exactly what denial will make happen to your emotions.

Of course, it can be hard to admit and face up to what’s happening inside of us. But remember that holding yourself back from acknowledging and feeling those feelings requires energy of its own! You’ll eventually exhaust yourself from keeping up the farce of pretending things are okay. Settling into the pain might not sound appealing all that but you must go there in order to release it (and finally move on).

If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll always know where the wounds are hiding. But please don’t judge them or make them wrong or tell yourself they shouldn’t even be there! Awareness is the first key to healing so it a priority to see and acknowledge what’s going on within you.


Heal Your Past Tip #2:

Let It Out


Please know you cannot heal on your own! You need the reflection of someone else to help you move past this. You need someone to listen openly and hold space for you (not rushing to “help” or to “make you feel better”).

You must share your story with someone (that’s how you let the pain out!). You need have your words, point of view and feelings acknowledged and made valid.

Although simply listening might sound straightforward, finding someone to help with this is trickier than it sounds! If there’s no one appropriate in your life to do this for you, then it might be time to call in a therapist or coach.

Again, not many of us have an emotional toolbox for this stuff! So don’t be upset with those around you if they’re not the best listeners. Not many of us are naturally equipped with emotional intelligence for these situations!
Plus “negative” emotions really do make people uncomfortable (partially because we all have mirror neurons which literally mirror the pain we see in other people).

But just because you’re making someone uncomfortable or because not everyone understands how to validate your feelings, that doesn’t make your feelings wrong. If you’re met with unhelpful ears, then it’s simply time to move on and find a better listening partner.


Heal Your Past Tip #3:

Forgive Yourself


Bitterness and resentment are some of the most low-vibe energies we can experience. It’s one thing to admit what’s happened to us or what we’ve done (or not done) but it’s another thing to let go of our self-blame and self-loathing about it.

For example, many people who were victims of abuse as children still hold onto an element of self-blame. As adults, we logically know that children are not to blame in these situations. But our brain has a funny way of reframing things to tell us that we are. (If you listened more, dressed differently, said something differently, etc etc.) It’s all too common for us continue to blame ourselves even though we “should” know better.

It’s that element of self-blame that hurts the most. As long as we continue to judge ourselves and make ourselves wrong, we cannot enter a place of true self-acceptance and love.

Try taking a third-person perspective to the situation. (You can do this through a guided meditation or hypnosis or with some professional help.)

Can you understand that old version of you?
Can you forgive them/yourself?
Can you offer the child/teen/adult version of you some love from your current perspective?

Similarly, it’s difficult to move on and consciously create your dream life if you’re stuck pointing fingers and assigning blame. You cannot be the victim and the hero at the exact same time! If you want to be the hero of your next act, then it’s time to accept your part in how your life so far has played out.

That’s why forgiving others is also a necessary part of the process. We can give ourselves a lot of relief by offering a level of forgiveness to those that wronged us. Please not that forgiveness is not about condoning any actions! But it’s a necessary step to let go of that old heaviness and to break into your next level.

No one is perfect, certainly not us or our parents (or whoever else you meet in the world). We’re all raised in imperfect environments and we’re all doing the best that we can.

If you’re having problems forgiving others, try imagining this other person as a small child themselves. What did they feel as a child? What happened to them over the course of their lifetime? We’re all so much more than the sum of one action or situation. Of course, that doesn’t absolve anyone of personal responsibility. But that tiny shift in perception might just be the boost you need to finally let go while still honoring and loving yourself.



If you need someone to talk to, Better Help offers affordable therapy services online, through messaging, phone or video chat. Get the help you need in the privacy of your own home at an affordable rate! Click here to sign up with a 10% discount.



So which tip are you going to use first? What do you need to release in order to break free and be happy?



We’re all on a journey of self-healing but the more you can shift your perspective, the better chance you’ll have to truly heal.



Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life



PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about 10 lies you were taught to believe or this one about how to get everything you want in life.



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Heal Your Past To Create Your Future | Manifesting + Mindset Work For Healing
Heal Your Past To Create Your Future
Heal Your Past To Create Your Future

4 Reasons To Get Brave & Face Your Fears! Why Running Away Is Holding You Back

by: Jenn

Truth: every single one of us, no matter how rich or successful or old, has something we’re afraid of.

And many times that fear doesn’t look like anything to the outside viewer, because we’re trying to cope simply by ignoring or avoiding it.

This is true for every single person who reads this: there’s some action you need to take or a conversation you need to have or a decision that’s lingering on and on. And the real reason it’s not happened is because of your fear.

But that creates a vicious cycle. So in reality, our fears are a big reason why we often end up feeling stuck or in a rut.

Logically, we might all know that you can’t ignore a problem away. But that seldom stops us from trying. Our brains do an excellent job of convincing us that we can!



Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel like.
Maybe tomorrow you’ll know what to do.
Maybe tomorrow it won’t seem so hard.

Of course, tomorrow never comes! And the longer we put things off, the bigger and scarier they begin to appear.

Whatever your fears might be about love, money or success, please know that they’re draining your energy and preventing you from moving forward in almost every area!

So it’s time to get real and acknowledge them instead of letting them secretly rule over your world.


I really just want you to understand this: your biggest fears are your biggest energy leaks! They are the blocks to your success and happiness.

If you’re feeling tired, drained or stuck, that’s just an invitation to dig in and do the work. Because if fear is the only thing in your way, then isn’t it time to start facing up to it?

Here’s a guide on how you can start to do that:


4 Reasons To Get Brave & Face Your Fears


Face Your Fears Reason #1:

When You Run Away From Something, You’re Giving Away Your Power


Running away from something actually sends the Universe a very strong message: this situation is stronger than me. So please remember that the Universe is always responding to what you’re putting out there! If it seems like you want something to be more powerful than you, what choice does it have but to make that a reality?

You are ultimately the one in control so it’s up to you to be deliberate about that power! You’re forever writing your own story so be careful about what kind of reality you are creating. Would you rather be powerful and face your fears? Or would you rather constantly running away from something? Every day you make this choice whether you realize it or not, so now’s a good time to start choosing what you really want!


Face Your Fears Reason #2:

Ignoring Something Means You’ll Miss The Chance To See The Solutions


It’s a fact: the problems we face are NEVER as bad as our imagination makes them out to be! Want proof? Just think of how many times you did something you used to think was hard and then at the end found yourself thinking “Hey this wasn’t that bad after all!”

We’ve all have this experience because reality is never as bad as what our brain can come up with! Remember, part of your brain’s job is to keep you safe and healthy. But it goes a step too far by thinking you have to avoid everything new and scary in order to do that! To make sure it does its job, it does an excellent job of pressing your buttons to keep you under control. After all, who knows you better than your own brain?

The solutions aren’t nearly as far away as you think! But as long as you keep ignoring the problem in question, those solutions will continue to reman out of reach. If your eyes are closed of course you’re going to miss the signals! But if you summon your bravery enough to move forward even just a little, you’ll open the door for those solutions to start to magically appear!


Face Your Fears Reason #3:

Ignoring Problems Is A Waste Of Energy


We all just love to think we’re so smart and that avoidance is a tactic that actually works! Not true. A funny thing actually happens when there’s something you’re trying to avoid: you end up spending a lot of time and energy playing the avoidance game! You’ve got to constantly rationalize your actions or constantly be talking yourself out of something (or into something), even when you know it’s not the most important thing to do.

It takes an awful lot of mental energy to continue to stick your head in the sand! But you probably don’t notice just how much because you’re so good at it. However, the bigger your problems get the harder it is to carry on the charade.

If you’re feeling depleted, this could be the secret culprit! And here’s the truth of it: if you’re spending all that energy anyway, wouldn’t you rather put it towards solving the problem at hand? That’s something to mull over the next time you’re tempted to take the “easy” way out!


Face Your Fears Reason #4:

You Can’t Fool The Universe


We love (just LOVE) to believe we can outwit what’s coming to us! We think that sticking our head in the sand can somehow ward away what’s lying in our path. But that’s just not the way things work.

Remember again that things are happening for you, not to you! The real truth of that means that there’s a lesson waiting for you in every problem. These aren’t things you can avoid. They’re meant to expand you into a bigger and better person than you are right now. The more you run away, the more it becomes clear that you need the lesson! It’s really you blocking the natural progression of things! The Universe isn’t going anywhere until you summon the courage to just go and do the damn thing.



Journal Prompts:



What actions have I been avoiding?

What is the worst possible outcome from that situation?

What’s the best possible outcome from that situation?

What am I potentially missing out on by not taking action?

If you like this exercise, I have a free Fear Setting Worksheet for you in The Magic Circle!






Fear is something we all have to deal with on one level or another. And here’s the good news: with practice it gets easier! So please take this to heart: whatever you’re afraid of or avoiding is never as scary as you’re making it out to be. The only way to move past it–and into a state of authenticity and magnetism–is to run directly towards your fears.

But please don’t worry my dear! You’ve got this.

Thank you so much for reading! I’d love to hear your fear experiences in the comments below.

Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life



PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about 5 things you cannot manifest or this one about your top 10 fears and how to get over them.



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4 Reasons To Get Brave & Face Your Fears! Why Running Away Is Holding You Back

4 Reasons To Get Brave & Face Your Fears! Why Running Away Is Holding You Back

Your Shadow + Manifesting: 3 Ways You’re Self-Sabotaging

by: Jenn

When it comes to manifesting, the biggest barrier to your success is something you catch a glimpse of in the mirror every single day!

It’s your shadow.

Our shadow self is our secret monster in the closet! It’s the real boogeyman under the bed–but this boogeyman can actually cause real damage!

Of course, it’s not going to actually jump out of the shadows and hurt you. But it will trip you up. Your shadow self is key to self-sabotage.

If you’re serious about your success, you can’t ignore this very real part of you.


When it comes to your shadow, the more you try to ignore it or run away from it, the more power it will have over you.



As Carl Jung said: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

In other words, so much of what we’re taught is unmovable as “fate” is really just our own projections. So taking control of those projections is how we get our power back.

Your subconscious mind is a powerful force in your world, whether you know it or not!

Few of us want to acknowledge our darkness. But please know that the unchecked shadow is your real enemy. The more we ignore or avoid something, the more power it has over us.

Becoming a conscious creator means taking ownership of our own darkness.

So remember this: a funny thing happens when you shine a light in the darkness: all those scary shadows are never as scary as you first thought!

Are you ready to shine a light into your own darkness? Shadow work might be unnerving at first but it’s a powerful pathway to your own authenticity and magnetism. So please use this guide as a jumping-off point for your inner journey.


Shadow + Manifesting: 3 Ways You’re Self-Sabotaging


Shadow Problem #1:

Our Shadow Self



Looking at us now, it’s often hard to see the truth! But behind our glossy, fashionable, grown-up exterior lies a secret truth. We’re not just the person we see today; we also contain fragments of our most damaging and delicate times.

Think back to your personal moments of pain and discomfort. The pimply fourteen-year-old. The third-grader who peed her pants. The college student who tripped on her way to the podium.

We’ve all experienced more than a few cringe-worthy events over our life. And most of us think we’ve left all of that far behind us!

However, most of us have not truly healed from those experiences. Instead, we simply ran away. We worked hard at becoming not that version of us–which means that version of us is still left alone, rejected, and unloved.

Being a full and complete person means accepting and loving ourselves, even when we’re at our “worst”. The human tendency to categorize everything into good and bad, black and white is one of our most damaging traits! What if you were still completely worthy and deserving of love and respect, even at your most vulnerable moments?

That’s a truly radical belief but one that can bring us immense healing if we choose to embrace it.

So ask yourself: what were your most painful or shameful moments? Imagine that version of you standing in front of you now and offer him/her love and forgiveness. Keep working through each major moment that you can think of and feel how your inner world softens in response.


Shadow Problem #2:

Our Shadow Desires



Not all of our desires are the result of our highest good! In fact some of them can come from a dark place. It’s up to us to keep asking questions and staying curious in order to find out.

When you ask anyone why they want a certain thing in life, the basic answer is the same: “I just want to be happy.” So you need a little deeper to figure out why you’ve associated your goal with happiness.

Most of us are trying to “complete” ourselves through acquiring something outside of us. (An approach that rarely works obviously!) But at the age of fourteen we decided that the popular girls knew something we didn’t. Or the guy that dumped us at sixteen was right about us. Without ever realizing it, we started to live our life through the idea that if we could get even or show someone a lesson or impress a certain type of person, then (finally!) we’d feel okay.

We all think we left grade school a long time ago but many of us carry those wounds around with us for much longer than we think.

Again, we can’t move into a new place in life if we’re still running on these dark motivations. Remember that the Universe always knows what’s up! If your goals are born out of self-loathing, then what are you really asking for? As always, it’s up to us to heal the wound inside of us. You can still ask for anything you like in life, but this is why it’s so important to be clear about your why.

If your desires are stemming from this dark idea that you need to show someone up or get even, then it’s time to press pause. We’re always the most magnetic when we’re operating


Shadow Problem #3:

Reverse Motivation



Sometimes the biggest problem with your manifesting is that–truth be told!–you’re actually completely and 100% okay with being exactly where you are.

It’s hard to hear but it’s often true! Perhaps being perpetually broke, single or unemployed might be exactly what you want! If you’re secretly getting something out of the situation, then it will very difficult to break free of it.

Some of us are hopelessly addicted to drama and chaos–and it’s not our fault! That’s simply the only thing we’ve ever known. Others thrive on the attention of being constantly “broken”, victimized or wronged. (Making other people wrong can be a way of feeding your own ego by making you perpetually right!)

For example, maybe you love being broke because you secretly feel virtuous and valued about complaining to your friends all the time. Perhaps you keep dating the same kinds of people (who break your heart) because you don’t really want to open your heart. Perhaps you think that if you really got what you wanted you’d also lose someone’s love, respect or attention.

If you have any kind of attachment to where you’re at, then you have to take action or risk suffering from reverse motivation! We’re all experts at self-sabotage, to the point we’ll still call ourselves a victim when it’s really all our own doing.

Change is always scary–especially to our subconscious mind! So if you’re stuck with your manifesting, this is an important rock to look under. Ask yourself: what do I secretly love about being exactly where I am right now?

You must acknowledge these shadow-y motivations before you can release and clear yourself from them! So please do the work and dare to be honest with yourself. The answers can be life-changing.



Journal Prompts:


Which aspect of shadow do you need to work on?

How can you take ownership of your subconscious moving forward?



This stuff may be intimidating at first but it really is important to do the work if you’re serious about creating sustained change and success in your life! In the end, your happiness is always worth it.

Good luck & much love my darlings!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life



PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about create your world or this one about success consciousness.



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girl sitting on the ground with text Your Shadow + Manifesting: 3 Ways You're Self-Sabotaging

Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

by: Jenn

Self-actualization: it’s that magical state of walking your walk and talking your talk. When I think of self-actualized people I think of those who’ve found massive success on their own terms. (Gary Vaynerchuk springs to mind!)

These are the people that fill us with envy. Wouldn’t life be so much better if we could just do what X or Y did?

So what separates these superstars from the rest of us?

The thing is there’s often not that much different between you and those you look up to. Of course, being successful requires showing up and putting in the work. But few people are born entrepreneurs or writers or public speakers. Most of those success stories have put in a lot of work to get where they are.

But there is one invisible element of success that you may not have considered:

The ability to face your fears.

We all tend to gloss over the reality of successful people’s backgrounds. We think they’re just lucky or extra talented. We don’t realize that those people have had to face many of the exact same obstacles that we do.

Successful people have just as many fears as you do! The only difference is that they have learned how to manage their fear instead of letting their fear manage them. No one is truly fearless! The successful have just figured out how to be afraid and still do the damn thing.

Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

But I get it: many of us don’t even realize just how much fear affects our life! After all, it’s not like you walk around quaking with fear whenever you encounter a new situation, right? So maybe you’re not even aware that fear is getting in your way.

So let me ask you this: what’s the real reason you haven’t asked out the guy or the girl? Or submitted your resume to the company you really want to work for? Or had the tough conversation with your husband or wife?

When we’re willing to be honest, the truth becomes plain as day: fear is what’s holding you back from living your best life.

However, I also don’t blame you for not noticing this truth! And here’s why: fear is really good at hiding itself. Our brain loves to invent a lot of stories about why we don’t need to push ourselves out of our comfort zone.

But those stories are just mental armour of sorts: they’re allowing us to play small while totally avoiding the real underlying reason we’re not taking action.

We sugarcoat our fear. We create stories around it. And we’re so good at doing it that we don’t even realize that we’re doing it!

Change is scary. Putting ourselves out there in new ways is terrifying! And growth doesn’t always feel very good.

But if you’re committed to creating the life of your dreams (and to stepping out of living life by default), then you need to get cozy with your own fears.

The worst thing we can do about fear is deny that we even have it! Because once we can see what our fear really is, it becomes much easier to manage.

The shadows in the closet aren’t scary at all once you turn the light on! So let’s turn the light on inside our own internal closet. Here are the ten most common fears we all must face on the road to success, as well as some advice on how to get over them.


Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them


Fear #1: Fear of Uncertainty

Human beings are planners by nature. We love to know what we’re doing today, tomorrow, next week, even next year. We love things to be in order and to make sense! So we also tend to forget the very nature of reality:

Things fall off the rails All. The. Freakin. Time.

Planning can only take you so far! People change their minds, companies change directions or close down. We’re surrounded by all kinds of things that are outside of our control! But we don’t like to acknowledge that uncertainty.

Planning our life in advance is not a guarantee of anything! There’s that wonderful old saying “make plans and watch God laugh”. Yet we still fool ourselves into thinking that our future is certain, just because we’ve planned it!

Nothing is certain babes, no matter how much you want it to be! But acknowledging our lack of control can actually be a huge relief. When you know certainty is never real, you stop taking responsibility for the things out of your control and that is truly liberating.


Fear #2: Fear of Failure

One of the most common fears preventing you from making progress is the fear of failure. Think about the things you want to call into your life–and now think about how not achieving them would feel?

Ugh, right?

The problem here is that we tend to get overly wrapped up in our own narrative. We worry about what other people will think if we don’t achieve our goals! But in real life, no one’s paying that much attention to you. Everybody’s worrying about their own journey, not obsessing over yours.

Besides, failures are really only failures if you think of them that way! Instead, I prefer to think of everything as a learning experience. If you don’t get something right the first time, you get to try again! Sometimes it takes us a few times to get things right but if we just gave up the first time we’d miss out on so much in life.

So don’t make anything all or nothing! You’ll always get something out of the experience even if things don’t work out exactly the way you want them to. But the game’s not over! And only you get to decide what to do with this experience.


Fear #3: Fear of Rejection

Humans are social creatures. At heart, we’re pack animals and that tendency served an important evolutionary purpose. Back when we were out hunting our meals every day, those who lived together had a better survival rate than those who tried to go it alone. Indeed, being shunned by your community was often equal to death.

While we’ve moved on from that experience, our lizard brain hasn’t. So even though we’re not in imminent danger, being rejected by those around us carries a powerful punch. We often experience those same symptoms as the fear of death: racing heart, sweatiness, out-and-out panic.

To combat this fear, just try to remember all the times you were rejected by someone but didn’t actually die (ie. all of them!). It’s very useful to show your brain how you not only survived the situation but also how you probably don’t even care all that much about the rejection anymore. Rejection stings in the moment but it leads most of us to a better space eventually! Reminding yourself of this fact can help get you over your fear of experiencing rejection again.


Fear #4: Fear of Change

We have an awfully peculiar relationship with change! While we might have a laundry-list of things we want to change in our life, when it comes down to it we often talk ourselves out of the very things that we want.

That’s because change goes hand-in-hand with the unknown–and the unknown is downright terrifying. Again, our brain loves order. It loves to understand the world around us. When things change, we get very uncomfortable. And even though we might not realize it, our brain is actively trying to avoid change. It interprets all change as dangerous, even though few things are actually physically dangerous in this day and age!

It’s time to face the truth: you can’t create the life of your dreams without pushing yourself out of your comfort zone! It’s time to start embracing the fear of change as just a part of life rather than something you need to avoid.


Fear #5: Fear of Losing Control

Control is something we all love to think we have over our life! Again, we love to plan and by planning we think that we also get some control over how the world will work. But that’s definitely not true!

Planning can only get you so far! We can try to plan how things are going to work out all we want but we can’t ever fully predict what will happen in real life until we actually experience it. Research is only so useful. But we learn the most from real life and all the research and planning in the world won’t change that.

To get past this fear, it’s important to realize that there are many factors that are out of your control. Control is always just an illusion! So if you never had it, what’s the harm in losing it? As you can see, it’s ridiculous to let fear of losing control hold you back from what you want.


Fear #6: Fear of Judgment

Tied very closely with our fear of rejection is our fear of judgment. We fear being found to be lacking, especially when the person judging us might not have the entire picture.

The funny thing is, as much as we fear being judged, we’re pretty good at judging those around us! Even when you don’t think of yourself as being a judgmental person, we’re conditioned to constantly judge and rate those around us. (“Hmmmm that girl claims to be spiritual but did she meditate as much as I did this morning?”) That’s exactly where the fear comes from! When you judge everyone else, you think everyone else is judging you too.

Worrying too much about being judged can lead you to living a closed-off life. One way to avoid judgment is to avoid sharing your true nature with the world around you. But closing yourself off to real connection will leave you feeling alone and—duh! disconnected from those around you. The one thing all humans crave is a feeling of connection with those around us. But obviously we can’t do that unless we’re willing to get vulnerable ourselves.

Yes, it can be scary to bare your soul and put yourself out there. But you can’t find true happiness unless you brave that experience. Saving yourself from judgment is never worth the price you must pay!


Fear #7: Fear of Inadequacy

Tied closely with the fear of judgment is the fear of inadequacy. Being told we’re inadequate is rough. But it mostly hurts because it take away our sense of control. If someone judges us and deems us lacking, we rarely get a second chance.

However, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with being deemed inadequate. In most situations, you can take action to remedy the problem. More practice or learning will get you a long way! Remember, there’s really no such thing as failure. So someone telling you’ve got it wrong shouldn’t be a big deal. You can always go back and learn more–unless you decide that it’s impossible.

The dead-end’s in our life are usually of our own making–and if they’re not, take refuge in the thought that that person or thought just wasn’t meant for you anyway! What’s meant for you won’t miss you, so don’t spend too much time worrying about someone deeming you inadequate.


Fear #8: Fear of Getting Hurt

Wouldn’t it be great to skate through life without any heartbreak, misunderstandings or strife? Of course it would! The problem is isn’t a reality for anyone. Being a human is a tricky business! That means occasionally someone does something that hurts us or we pin our hopes on something without any real-life evidence to back those hopes up.

Most of the time, experiencing hurt is the result of our own unmet expectations. We think the world is going to work a certain way but when it doesn’t we get upset. However, our expectations are just a creation in our own mind! They often have no real reflection of what’s going on in the real world. Essentially, we always just hurt ourselves.

To combat your fear of getting hurt, you have to analyze why you’re feeling the way you are. Where did your expectation come from? Why did you formulate that desire? Once you can see how getting hurt is typically a result of our own errors in thinking, then you can begin safe-gaurding against it by changing your own thoughts.


Fear #9: Fear of Something Bad Happening

When things are going well–really well–have you ever looked around and thought to yourself “Things are just too good to be true! Something bad’s going to happen!” This form of self-sabotage is actually a reflection of our upper limit problem. When we’re not used to feeling really good, sometimes we do something drastic to make sure we don’t: missing an important meeting, picking a fight or cheating on a wonderful relationship.

So it’s not that something bad is bound to happen when things are good! It’s that we don’t know how to deal with all that goodness, so we create a negative situation out of our own insecurities.

Feeling good is an art all too itself and sometimes we’re just don’t have that much practice at it. So forgive yourself if you sometimes find yourself expecting the worst! But once you notice it, it’s time to take action. Remember that what you focus on expands! So putting time and effort into thinking those defeatist thoughts will never create anything good. Now’s as good a time as any to stop doubling down on what you don’t want and start embracing what you do.


Fear #10: Fear of Missing Out

It’s true: FOMO is real–and it can be debilitating. This fear is a little different from the rest because it deflects our attention from what we really want in life. The way this usually plays out is by taking your focus away from the things that are truly important to you. Our time is limited but that means you have to mindful of where you spend your time! So do you choose working out (and committing to your weight loss goals) or do you choose another Netflix marathon?

FOMO also has another drawback. Wishing you were somewhere else takes your attention away from where you are. But we can only ever find happiness and peace when we land in the now. The past and future (or some other present moment) can only bring anxiety or depression because you are not there. Learning to enjoy the choice you’ve made and the current moment that you occupy will always make you feel so much better in the end.



Above all else, if there’s one thing I want you to take away from this post make it this: fear is normal. It’s natural! And it’s definitely not a sign that you need to stop what you’re doing! We actually start to feel fear right before the moments of our biggest catalysts for change. So fear actually means you’re doing something right, not doing something wrong!

Don’t let fear hold you back from what you want! And remember this process isn’t about becoming fearless. Rather, embrace your fear and decide to take action anyway.

Need a little help? Then get in touch about booking a one-on-one coaching package! Let’s bust through your fear blocks together!



So tell me: what kind of fears are you experiencing the most? How are you going to start taking action to change that fear?

I hope this post inspires you to take action against whatever it is that’s holding you back!

Thank you so much for reading! As always, I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below.



PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about getting to know your own power or this one about 4 ways to use intentions to change your life.



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Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them