Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach
Our culture puts a pretty high level of importance on the concept of forgiveness. We’ve all experienced that pressure to “forgive and forget”. But while not holding onto anger and resentment is important, is forgiveness always the right answer?
Today I’m exploring how forgiveness itself can be toxic and giving you an alternative if you are having a tough time forgiving someone.
Thank you so much for watching!
If you’re reading this, you probably have a great idea of what you want your life to look like.
More money. More career success. More time with the hot, committed lover of your dreams.
(You know. #allthethings 😉 )
Dreaming big is always an important first step towards creating an extraordinary life.
But the unfortunate reality is that most people get stuck right here, in the dreaming phase.
They know what they want.
They might even put in good effort and time and energy towards creating that vision for themselves.
Yet, no matter what they seem to do, they just can’t quite make it all click.
If you can relate to this, then you were definitely meant to be reading this today!
I’ve definitely been curious about this. That’s why led me on a path of personal development and spiritual growth, which ultimately led me to where I am today.
That’s why I can tell you this one little life-changing secret:
Yes, it’s true! That secretive, invisible part of you is the exact reason why all get so stuck.
Our conscious mind wants all the good things in life for us.
But our subconscious mind is not always on board.
In fact, it’s very rarely onboard at all. 😬
And it will trip us up in our best efforts through self-sabotage, fear, and more.
However, knowledge is power! So today I’m going to explore the three main reasons why your subconscious mind is tripping you up and preventing you from manifesting your dream life.
The secret fears in your subconscious mind are the number one culprit in preventing you from manifesting the life you want.
That’s because change–any change–seems terrifying to part of your mind.
Your brains’ biggest job is to keep you safe. Part of the way our brain works is by steering us constantly towards what we already know because we know that is safe.
The unknown always presents a danger to our subconscious mind–even when the unknown is also full of things like fancy new job titles, moving into that flat you’ve had your eye on for three years, actually dating the person you have a crush on or finally letting a good amount of money pile up in your bank account.
Of course, when we were actually living as primitive people, conquering new territory and having new experiences really were potentially life-threatening events. It was much safer just to stay at home in your cave rather than head out into new ground and potentially encounter a new type of fierce animal or physical obstacle.
Obviously, our modern world is nowhere near as dangerous! Yet the very same brain mechanisms that kept us safe as a species for so many years are still actively at work–only this time they’re just tripping us up and making us play small.
Have you ever had an experience where you worried about something endlessly, but then when it came time to getting out there and actually doing it you thought: “Huh. That actually wasn’t that bad!”
That’s because real-life is rarely as bad as the doom-and-gloom scenarios our brain is constantly coming up with.
Your brian knows exactly how to scare you into playing small. It knows exactly what hurtful words and ideas and stories to use. And it does its job very well.
If you’re ready to ditch the old cycles and to become someone new, then you need to take action no matter what your brain is telling you.
You don’t have to believe the story your brain is coming up with! And in fact, the less you buy into those fear-based stories, the more successful you will be.
Think of your subconscious mind as long-term storage for your mind. It takes a little bit of effort to take something from your conscious mind into your subconscious.
There are three main ways that happens:
1. Through repetition
2. Through emotional charge
3. Through childhood events
When you’re a child, your brain is particularly susceptible to the thoughts and opinions of those around you.
Most of us can relate to this: when you were young a family member made an off-hand (mean!) comment about you. And that comment still rings loudly in your ears at certain moments in time.
There might be many years between you and that event. And you probably consciously know that your mom/dad/Great Aunt Mildred didn’t really mean the things that they said.
But your subconscious mind hasn’t gotten the memo. It’s held onto that moment and to those poisonous words for years now. Even though you don’t want them anymore, those words have become part of your subconscious programming.
The words you repeat, the major emotional experiences (like heartbreak), and your experiences all add up to create a framework in your mind. But that framework is likely not only not helping you to achieve those big hairy audacious goals of yours but they’re probably actively hurting you at times.
Believing that you’re too overweight to find love is a hurtful thought.
Believing that you’re just a hot mess and that any success you’ve created is just a fluke is a hurtful thought.
Believing that you’re just never going to be smart or clever enough to build the business of your dreams is a hurtful thought.
The real problem is that we’ve thought these beliefs for so long that we don’t even realize that they are optional stories. We’re so fully sunken into them that we take them for being fact, just as much as we believe the sky is blue.
If you’re feeling unable to manifest the life of your dreams but you can’t make progress no matter what, I’d suggest taking stock of your limiting programmed beliefs as the first step towards getting unstuck.
As the now Conscious Creator of your own world, why would you want to keep buying into any ideas that keep you small? It’s now up to you to take action and act from where you want to be, rather than from what you’ve always believed.
The habit of being you is the hardest habit you’ll ever have to break.
Ego development happens very early in children. That’s the process we all go through to figure out who we are in relation to other people. (It’s also why little kids really want to know what your favorite color is.)
Ego isn’t always a bad thing! Of course, it’s important to know who you are as a person in this world. But the problem is that our mind latches onto this “personality” and it stays there–even when our habitual traits are not helpful or happy.
We used to think that our mind was just set in stone. But fortunately, now neuroplasticity has proven that that’s not the case.
That means that old dogs can learn new tricks! (Not that you’re an old dog…obviously!)
And in fact, you have the power of growing your brain in the direction you want to grow in.
However, becoming a new version of you also involves giving up on the old you. It involves you not relying on what you think you already know about yourself and requires you to cultivate a beginner’s mindset to almost everything. Your subconscious mind will always fight you on that because it’s also kinda lazy! It doesn’t want to waste time figuring out the things that it already knows.
It would much rather cling to the old ideas it has about you than set sail for the unknown.
So remember this, my friend: as long as you limit your future possibility based on your past experiences, you’re never going to blow your own mind.
It’s only when you let go of the certainty of knowing yourself that you can find out just who you really are and what you’re really capable of.
If you’re feeling stuck, this is why! But all is not lost. All you need is the right approach to start reprogramming your mind to receive your desires.
That’s exactly why I created my brand-new monthly membership program. Recode is here to help you heal and reprogram your subconscious mind. And I”m so excited to finally share this profound life-changing work with you.
Stay tuned for our grand opening! I cannot wait to meet you inside.
So, while the bad news is that your subconscious brain is doing all kinds of tricky things to stop you from living the life you want, all hope is not lost! The more awareness you have about these mental traps, the more likely you’ll be able to keep steering your mind back to creating the life you really want.
What’s YOUR relationship to time?
Most of us don’t even consider thinking about this idea. Like ever.
We naturally assume time is just something we have to learn how to deal with. We rarely ever think about how our perception of time affects our time results.
But your relationship to time is actually one of your biggest limiting beliefs.
It actually affects so much about your overall happiness and your ability to manifest. (Because–let’s face it!–we all think about time an awful lot, every single day.)
In other words, the way you think about time truly matters!
And maybe today’s the perfect day to reconsider your dysfunctional relationship to time.
In this week’s training, I’m talking about the importance of slowing down to speed up–or how radically shifting the way that we perceive time can result in more happiness, confidence, and manifestation success!
Or listen to this training as a podcast right here!
Thank you so much for watching!
We manifest our reality.
That’s true, right? Obviously, as someone who’s obsessed with helping people manifest their best lives, I talk about this idea a lot. But I’ve recently been thinking about how the oversimplification of this idea has become harmful and toxic.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how I can clarify my message here because I never want to be putting harmful ideas into the world. I admit that sometimes that might be exactly what I’m doing unless I stop to clarify. So that’s why we’re here today.
I’m 100% for creating empowerment. I’m 100% behind people going after their desires.
And I also believe that we can create so MUCH of our reality.
But we don’t create absolutely everything.
While I’ve always used manifestation as a tool for empowerment, I also understand that this line of thinking becomes dangerous when we apply it to certain situations.
I’ve spoken before about the things we don’t manifest (illness, death etc.)
But today I want to talk about manifestation, spiritual bypassing, and the biggest negative experiences we have in this human life: sexism, racism, abuse etc.
For example, I have seen one famous “manifestation coach” who completely spiritually bypasses the concept of sexism by saying that if you don’t think about it it won’t happen to you. Which is utter BS of course.
I’ve also seen spiritual/wellness influencers encouraging people to not pay attention to the (crazy) news cycles lately so that what’s happening in the world won’t affect them. (Because if you pay attention then you manifest it into your world.)
Also total fake spiritual garbage.
It’s this bubble of conformity (packaged as non-conformity) that has allowed ideas like QAnon to flourish within the spiritual community.
And I’m beyond done with it.
I’ve hesitated to put this out there before because I didn’t yet have the right understanding nor the courage. But for some reason, I’m being called to say this publicly now:
This victim-blaming spiritual-bypass approach is always just a result of our human ego, not actually spirituality. Doing nothing with your awareness and energy is never the answer and shame on anyone who ever encouraged this.
True spirituality is never about shrugging your shoulders when you see oppression or abuse or blaming those who experience it because “they manifested it”.
I definitely have made statements that might sound like this is what I believe. So I just need to go on record today to say that it isn’t.
Some things are beyond our control, and one of those things is the actions of other people. Another is the attitude of the collective. We can’t personally manifest that. But we can begin to change it.
I believe 2020 was the giant collective wake-up call. We’re seeing the true nature of reality and it’s not so pretty. But what you choose to do with that is your decision. If we’re all truly part of the same consciousness, then does it make sense to turn your back on certain issues or to blame people for their circumstances?
I definitely don’t think so. So with that in mind, today there are a few issues that I want to talk about specifically and why you didn’t manifest them.
Abuse is a tricky thing to talk about because there are so many variables.
Let’s look at a personal example. Did I manifest a narcissist partner who gaslighted me? Yes, you betcha sweet pants that I did. But does that mean that person is blameless? No, of course not.
Looking back of course I can see how I (The Empath) attracted in the exact wrong relationship for me. But I now know, I was meant to grow from that experience. I know that I needed to get out of my old co-dependent ways of thinking and learn to truly stand on my own feet.
Of course, it’s very easy for me to think that this experience was fated many years later. It wasn’t so easy to see any of that when I was in it. However, I do ultimately believe that was part of my karma and it really did teach me so much about myself.
But does that means the person who emotionally abused me is not personally responsible for their behavior? Of course not.
I sincerely hope that that person has reflected and grown and changed. However, I also have the luxury of leaving it all in the past. I’ve made peace with the situation in my mind.
But while I hope everyone can make peace with their unique situation in their mind, not everyone has the luxury of just leaving it all in the past.
If you experienced physical abuse, for example, you probably want to press charges because you want to prevent that situation from happening to someone else.
I also have a tough time imagining what “spiritual lessons” could come from physical abuse. If you have found a lesson there, more power to you! But if you can’t, you have my permission to stop looking.
Knowing what was true for me does not mean I know what’s true for everyone. I would never pin anyone’s experience of abuse onto them. I would never tell them they “manifested it” or that it’s just part of their soul contract, and that’s that. Using those ideas to excuse the perpetrators or to shrug your shoulders about how that abuse came to exist in the system is how the cycle of abuse continues to exist.
Child abuse is another example.
Obviously, most children wouldn’t even know what abuse was before it happened to them. Therefore they can’t attract it in because of their vibration. That’s quite a bit different than me attracting in an experience based on my own feelings of lack.
Similarly, I believe that’s it’s true to a certain degree that some (shitty) things are just set in stone (like getting sick or experiencing the loss of a partner). Could child abuse be similar? Perhaps, but I have a hard time believing that everyone who experienced abuse chose it on a soul level. And I definitely do not believe that this idea should allow for child abuse to simply get swept under the rug.
There’s never an excuse for the perpetrators. Nor is there any excuse for anyone who wants to play dumb and in turn, allow those same conditions to manifest over and over again. Nor should you ever feel unjustified in your pain or pursuing psychological or legal help.
While we don’t get to pick all of our circumstances, we do get to decide on what those things mean to us and about us. If someone did something horrible to you, please know that you did not bring it on yourself, and any suggestion to the contrary is shockingly inhumane and irresponsible. If a spiritual teacher suggests this, do yourself a favor and run.
I’ve unfollowed so many people in the last year because of misinformation like this, it’s kind of crazy. But one of the most recent people I unfollowed had everything to do with the victim-blaming spiritual-bypassing of COVID.
I was listening to a podcast recently that was talking about how COVID only manifests for those who are afraid of it. They went on to imply that if you simply ignore the news you will somehow avoid catching it.
Again, total victim-blaming BS.
I would never in a million years tell someone with cancer that they “manifested” it. It’s the exact same thing with COVID.
Turning illness into a moral shortcoming is seriously messed up.
And yes, I was stuck in literal quarantine with someone who had COVID and I didn’t get it! I do credit some of that to my mindset. But only to a certain extent. I refuse to blame the people who get it for their “weak” mindset.
Anyone who thinks getting sick is a moral failure needs to check back in with what true spirituality is in the first place.
The mind-body connection is real. And yes I do believe that we can manifest certain physical ailments. But who out there is thinking about cancer to the point that they create it?
So in other words, yes, we can manifest things into our body but that does not mean we’ve manifested everything.
For example, most people would not choose to manifest signs of aging but that’s just going to happen because we’re human. You can pretend that you’re 20 years old for your whole life. You can probably live a long and healthy life by thinking that way! But you do not get to bypass old age or death entirely.
See the difference?
We don’t get to pick when we come in and out of this life. But we can make choices that are good for us and don’t put us (or the people around us) in danger. To preach anything else is dangerous and spiritually bankrupt.
Again, I’m calling to mind the very well-known “manifestation coach” who completely ignores the topic of feminism. It absolutely blows my mind that any woman who runs her own business and has her own bank account could ignore the work of the women who fought for those things. And I’m absolutely shocked that there are so many people who just follow along this line of thinking so blindly!
But just to make it absolutely clear: we’re never going to “elevate” past this level of thinking unless we do the work to undo it.
We’ve all been raised in a white supremacist/ patriarchal society, which means we’ve all been programmed with those beliefs to some degree.
You might not think of yourself as being racist or sexist. And you probably don’t agree with those ideas nor are you “trying” to be racist etc.
But you are probably still perpetuating those ideas at certain times. That’s because they’ve been so deeply embedded into your subconscious mind that you’re not aware of them. Your subconscious bias is no fault of yours but make no mistake, it is still yours.
That means that refusing to examine this stuff within yourself is choosing to uphold those old beliefs. You might not have put those beliefs in your own mind but they will stay there unless you do the work to undo the damage now.
Telling someone they can overcome sexism or racism (or homophobia or whatever) by ignoring it is yet another example of spiritual bypassing. To suggest that you’re too “evolved” to worry about those things is exactly what allows those problems to persist.
Simply put, you’re either part of the problem or the solution.
Basically, this is all akin to telling a marginalized group that they are solely responsible for everything that has happened to them and washing your hands of it. For me, that’s completely unacceptable.
However, this isn’t all doom and gloom!
Personally, one of the reasons I’m so excited about mindset work and subconscious transformation is because I see the potential for this to make a huge impact on the way we collectively think.
If we can each take personal responsibility for the (unwanted) ideas in our minds and do the work to heal them, that’s how we created new generations of humans that truly don’t have those old outdated, and harmful ideas. That’s how we create new societies and new ways of being in this world.
But this definitely won’t just happen from ignoring and pretending those things don’t exist. So again, anytime a spiritual person tells you it’s okay to ignore your fellow humans or the issue at hand, I’d be highly suspect of their true motivations.
So no we don’t create everything but we also don’t have to let our circumstances define who we are and where we go from here.
For me, it’s much more useful to apply manifestation and mindset practices to this side of the equation rather than using those ideas to blame people for their own pain.
We control our thoughts. We control our emotions. We control our stories. We control our actions.
The most important questions are always: where do we want to go from here? And who do we want to be?
You can’t ever manifest a perfect existence. But that doesn’t mean manifestation isn’t real.
Again, these ideas can be used to continue oppression and trauma. Or we can use them to heal ourselves, and in turn, the world.
I hope you’re ready to make the conscious decision to do that starting today! Let’s do the important work of healing and changing the world together.
Today we’re exploring kind of childhood trauma that EVERYONE experienced and how it affects us later on in life.
Recently, the internet went crazy for Bean Dad. So I’m sharing my thoughts on the topic (at least on how it was initially presented) and how these “everyday” incidents can create negative patterns and limiting beliefs that affect as adults.
I’m hoping to open a dialogue on conscious parenting and self-healing, so I’d love to know what you think!
Thank you so much for watching!
Affirmations: whether you love them or loathe them, there’s no denying their popularity in the world of personal growth and development.
But I understand why some people are not a fan! At first, trying out these new thoughts might seem all kind of strange, stupid, or pointless.
Your subconscious mind has been shaped and programmed in three major ways:
Of course, the last one is the key to understanding why affirmations work. It’s true: you really can rewire your mind just by repeating these simple sentences to yourself.
Essentially, affirmations are the art of choosing the new thoughts that you want to believe (as opposed to your old unhelpful/harmful thoughts) and rewiring them into your brain.
Why is this important?
We always manifest from our subconscious beliefs. Right now, you have some great intentions but your real habitual thoughts are not lining up with them. That creates manifestation blocks, feeling stuck, and usually involves you going around in circles.
It’s always important to take your subconscious mind into account during the manifestation process.
While there are many methods of subconscious reprogramming, affirmations are quick and easy to do and a great way for anyone to get started.
Pick something that resonates. If you’re telling yourself “I’m so skinny” when you really do not feel skinny then you’re aiming too high.
In these situations, pick a neutral thought to guide your brain towards first. For example, replace your default thought of “I’m so fat” with “I have a body” before you try go any further.
In general, it’s best to choose one affirmation to work with at a time. So pick what resonates today and go for it!
Doing your affirmations/mantras only once isn’t going to have any effect at all. If you give it one session and don’t feel any different, relax! That’s normal.
This process takes time so commit to giving it time. The longer your practice, the better (and easier!) it all becomes.
Fortunately, affirmations are simple to use and easily adaptable. Here are some suggestions:
1. I have the power to change my story.
2. Today I choose to align with what I want.
3. I release my fear and limitations.
4. I choose being happy over being right.
5. The only approval I need is my own.
6. I fully love, support, and believe in myself.
7. My work, style and energy are important and unique.
8. I am abundant in every area of my life.
9. I call in all of my desires with ease.
10. Every day I’m becoming better and better.
11. I trust myself to figure it out.
12. I keep making progress even if I make a mistake.
13. Something wonderful is about to happen to me.
14. My desires are meant for me.
15. My beliefs are always my choice.
16. The Universe is conspiring in my favor.
17. I am excited and grateful to face the day.
18. I am committed to figuring it out no matter what.
19. I am the thinker of my thoughts and today I choose better thoughts.
20. I am willing to see things differently.
21. What I seek is also seeking me.
22. I am grateful for every lesson along my journey.
23. I am enough.
24. I am deserving and worthy of my desires.
25. I am so proud of the person I’m becoming.
26. I haven’t come this far to stop now.
27. I fully love and accept myself no matter what.
28. Other people’s opinions are none of my business.
29. I am so proud of myself for coming this far.
30. I celebrate myself today and every day.
Remember, you have the power to change your brain at any time! It’s time to get excited and take the reigns of your own life and your manifestations simply by changing the way you think.
