Ready to get truly aligned in love?
One problem I see with so many women is settling for less-than-amazing romantic relationships.
But I get it. Women are taught that we have to be part of a couple to be truly happy and fulfilled. At the end of every old fairy tale, the princess gets married and gets her happy ending.
However, the hidden subtext is a little darker: no Prince, no happily ever after.
Of course, being in a truly supportive, respectful, loving partnership is a beautiful thing. We all crave that deep partnership.
However, just take a quick look around at the relationships you see around you.
Here’s some of what I see:
A lot of settling
A lot of hoping people will change
A lot of feeling helpless to change anything because “We’ve been together for so long!” or “We have a great connection!”
It’s easy to always blame our partners when things go wrong. It’s a lot more complicated to realize the part we played.
Please know that I say this with all the love in the world:
Being in the wrong relationship is one of the worst things you can do for yourself.
No, there aren’t any perfect partners. And every relationship will have its ups and downs.
But I see way too many people living in delusion with this: pretending to be happy (for the sake of just being in a relationship) or chasing after the completely wrong person, to begin with!.
I know you want the fairy tale. But they simply don’t exist.
Do yourself the biggest favor in the world. Know what you want in love and then do your damndest to go create exactly that.
You do not have to simply settle for what comes your way. You can be as deliberate and conscious about this as with everything else in your life.
Or in other words, stop settling for crumbs when you’re craving a five-course dinner! You are so wildly deserving of the love you want–but you have to do your part in making sure that you hold out for it.
I know that can be more complicated than it sounds so here are six important tips to think about on your journey to finding love.
6 Rule To Be Fiercely Bold & Aligned In Finding Love
Aligned In Love Rule #1:
Be Deeply Okay With Being Single
Our culture really tells you that something must be “wrong” with you if you are single. But that so isn’t true and reframing this one belief will give you so much of your power back.
When you put more importance on being in a relationship than being in the right relationship, you set yourself up for failure.
That means you’re way more likely to just jump into a relationship with anyone, even if they’re not really the type of person you want to be with. While in the short term this might “fix” the problem (ie. you feeling lonely or feeling like you can’t be happy unless you have a partner) it’s ultimately just pushing your problem into the future. At some point when the relationship with the not-so-ideal partner breaks down, you’ll find yourself facing the same feelings all over again.
On the other hand, when you’re deeply okay with being single (maybe you even revel in it!) then you’re not going to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. You’ll safeguard your own precious time and energy for the right person and learn how to enjoy the freedom you have in the meantime.
Aligned In Love Rule #2:
Know What You Want
Holding out for the right relationship also means that you have to have some idea of what that looks like. So think about it: do you really know what you want?
For me, it helps to think about what my past partners have been like and understand what drew me to them. It’s also good to notice how similar problems emerged so that I can try to identify those moving forward. It’s easy to go for what you’ve always wanted. It’s a lot harder to notice what those patterns are and to try to do better.
Aligned In Love Rule #3:
Don’t Bend Your Own Rules
Of course, there’s no such thing as a perfect partner. With any partner, there will always be some settling. But for most women I know, we tend to settle way too much.
We are taught to give people the benefit of the doubt and to not write people off too soon. But instead, we’ve learned how to minimize the very big red flags that might be staring us right in the face.
It’s all too easy to let yourself be swept away by thoughts of potential love. But force yourself to take a realistic look at the situation and see where you might be betraying your own desires. Where are you settling? Are you really okay with that?
But that leads me to the next point…
Aligned In Love Rule #4:
Ditch The Love Goggles
Keeping one foot in reality when your heart wants to run free is Hard AF. But the more you can come back to your conscious mind (instead of listening to your hormones) the better off you’ll be.
Basically, don’t forget to take an actual reality check of the situation. At times there might be a huge difference between what you want to happen and what is actually happening. Learn to know the difference.
For example, maybe your potential love is always talking about all the amazing things they want to do with you–but not actually doing them. Don’t let those words count more than reality!
Anybody can tell you anything. That doesn’t mean it’s actually true. (And narcissists are extremely good at figuring out exactly what you want to hear.) So without all the promises and words, what is true? What is real?
Aligned In Love Rule #5:/h6>
View Dating As Collecting Information
As someone who’s let my heart overrule my mind on multiple occasions, this is the best possible advice I could give you. During the beginning of any relationship, remember that part of your job is simply to collect information. (Not to fall in love or to make them fall in love with you.)
It’s not like we’re setting out to test people. But it’s also, life is really just one big test! So how well is your potential partner testing?
If you’re having problems figuring that out for yourself, think about these questions:
- How do you feel when you’re around them? (Relaxed or like you have to put in a lot of effort?)
- Is this person reliable?
- Do they actually listen when you talk or ask you questions? (Are they actually interested in you or just the idea of you?)
- Do they make plans with you or text you first? (Or are you putting in all the effort?)
- How do they treat their friends? Parents? Exes? (Or is every ex “crazy”?)
- What’s their integrity/character? (ie. bragging about lying to someone else = a giant red flag, if you value honesty)
- What do they want for their future?
Aligned In Love Rule #6:
Check The Communication
There are two make-it-or-break-it skills for any lasting relationship: great communication and the ability to fight fair.
While you’re unlikely to actually be fighting on your first few dates, you can definitely gauge the communication. What’s the natural state of things? Do you easily understand each other? Can you ask each other questions? If an uncomfortable topic arises, how do you both react?
While this is also a skill that can improve with time, it also requires a partner who is willing to go there. If you’re automatically sensing lies of omission, overly “creative” storytelling, or a reluctance to share something important, those might all be red flags for future problems.
While most of us were taught to “look on the bright side”, when it comes to finding someone amazing, it really does pay to be a bit picky. Don’t expect your lemon to turn itself into lemonade!
In the end, it’s exhausting to try to constantly coax the best side out of someone. Being supportive and acting as the occasional cheerleader is fine but please don’t pretend that something is there when it really isn’t. (That only ends in bitterness, resentment, and potential heartbreak for both parties.)
Your ideal future is worth holding out for and there will be someone waiting with open arms—just for you.