Soul Contracts, Families and Vows: What You Need To Know

Soul Contracts, Families and Vows: What You Need To Know

I got a message recently from a reader who heard me mention the concept of soul contracts and wanted some clarity. Her story was that she had a negative childhood experience and was certain she would never have chosen her family.

This is a common question! But while I was mulling over my answer, I realized I have a lot more to say about the subject. So let’s do a deep dive today into everything soul contract related!

What Is A Soul Contract/Vow/Agreement?

Ever wonder why bad things happen to good people?

We all love to think that if we just think positive enough and emit *good vibes*, nothing bad or unexpected will ever happen to us. And unfortunately, that’s just not true.

We’re not here on this very human planet earth to just experience joy all the time. In fact that was our state before we incarnated here.

Part of the experience of being human really is experiencing fear, lack, disappointment etc.

(You know…the entire emotional range of being human!)

So no, it’s not always fair but it was never meant to be.

And the bigger truth of the matter is that some of the hardships we encounter here on earth have nothing to do with our manifestations or deservingness.

Instead, they were written into the “script” of our lives.

For me, it helps to think of this human life as a huge, incredibly realistic ( 😉 ) video game of sorts.

But while we’re born as a supposed “blank slate”, the truth is we’re here on a mission.

We’re here to experience different levels of hardship and lack and we’re here to enact (and sometimes, re-enact) certain scenarios meant to expand our spiritual growth.

You always retain control over your life choices and have free will. But we simply don’t control everything.

Some of what we experience is just part of our life “script”.

As I always say, we’re just spiritual beings having a temporary human experience!

While we’re in our spiritual state, we’re just pure love and joy. But I guess living like that can get a little boring.

So we choose to come into this realm so we can play for a while.

(For a great representation of this, watch the Pixar movie Soul! That movie literally brought me to tears.)

How Do Soul Contracts Work?

Soul contracts can play out in different ways.

Your Name, Birth Place, Date of Birth etc.

Almost everyone is familiar with the concept of horoscopes, so discvering that your birth time and place was always meant to be is not all that shocking.

So yes, you were meant to be a tripe Aquarius you beautiful little weirdo you!

Of course, your time and place of birth also predicts a certain life path for you. Personally, I’ve read many a horoscope that didn’t seem to come true. I like to read about these influences to a certain degree but I never think of astrology as set in stone. (More like a set of themes to work within!)

Your name has similar properties. Words are literal vibrations and your unique name has an energetic frequency all its own. This is yours to work within or expand, as you see fit.

(Just think about Tom Hanks’ two sons: and Chet, who seem to have perfectly matched their given names.)

Your (Soul) Family

Like them or loathe them, your family was another part of your soul contract. Yes, your real life family is an important soul contract of its very own.

I know I’ve heard a lot of pushback about this one though: “If I could have chosen any parents in the world, I would not have chosen mine!”

Well, you didn’t have the option to choose just anyone you wanted. It’s more like you had three options (each with its own pros and cons) and chose your family based on those things.

Remember that we’re not always choosing based on our human comfort. We’re choosing people to help us expand and grow–and that growth can come in many different forms. (However, that isn’t to say you ever deserved abuse or neglect of any kind.)

Ultimately, our soul family is here to help us with the lessons and vows that are in our contract.

It’s not just the people that you’re incarnated with. It’s also the lessons that you are both bringing forth to each other.

Remember this cosmic dance has been happening for a long time. Perhaps in this round you grew up feeling distant from one of your parents. But perhaps in the last round, the same thing happened with the roles reversed.

Your Extended Soul Family

The other close relationships in your life are usually also part of your extended soul family. Many of your family members/romantic partners are also part of your cosmic soul family.

When people talk about soulmates or Twin Flames, this is what they’re referring to. However, unlike what most pop spirituality will tell you, these connections are not as rare as you’ve been taught to believe.

We have a huge extended soul family! But that just makes sense. Sometimes I like to think back on the different relationships in my life and reflect on what lessons and gifts each one has given me. In the end, that is true gold of these relationships. It’s not about unconditional love, being together forever or only treating you the way you want to be treated.


Personally, I entirely reject the concept of Twin Flames because I see it used for so much harm. (If you want to read more about that, click right here!)

It’s good to keep in mind that soul family doesn’t always equal in your life forever! Sometimes we’re simply fated to meet someone for a short (or, shorter than we would like) time) and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s always what the meeting was fated to be.

One of the most basic spiritual concepts is that of impermanence. But impermanence shouldn’t scare you. Instead, it should train you to be oh so incredibly grateful for those shared moments, no matter how short they might be.

Your Death

The first example is your inevitable passing. No matter how “good” or healthy you are, your time here is limited. But the time you die and the way you die are also part of your soul contract.

Personally, I think this one is a bit malleable. I believe we have multiple “exit points”. Sometimes you get close to one and experience a Near Death Experience or a close accident. And sometimes you call one in through your life choices.

Death is just ending of this one story! Energy never dies and there’s always more to the story on the other side. It’s not about good or bad. It’s just the ending of a chapter.

Ancestral & Generational Contracts

Are there certain repeating patterns or themes in your life that you can recognize in your parents or previous generations? These might be part of the ancestral and generational contracts that you were born into.

Instead of thinking of these as a karmic burden that you must bear alone, I think of them as a karmic “group project”. The work you do to heal and clear these themes and vows is not just for your own benefit! It’s also for the benefit of future generations and that’s pretty cool.
(Future generations in the spiritual sense does not just refer to biological children!)

Soul Vows & Agreements

Soul vows and lessons are slightly different. Instead of a concrete event, they’re more like an ongoing theme.

For example, perhaps you were brought here to work on your own self-worth and autonomy. (Actually, I think this one applies to most of us!) Can you love yourself despite what the world tells your or how people treat you? Can you still treat yourself like the divine little rock star you really are and persist in your life vision even when others bring you down?

If you have a pattern of repeating lessons in your life, this might be the culprit! But unlike soul contracts, these lessons are here for us to grow through and transmute. Or in other words, we can stop the cycle when we integrate the lessons.

(Translation: whatever it is, stop putting up with the BS! 😂)

While you didn’t consciously choose to question yourself in these ways, you don’t have to keep feeling the same hurts and disappointments over and over again. And the best news is that you’ll know exactly how you’re doing by whether that lesson is showing up for you or not.

Here are some other soul vows and themes that you might be experiencing:

  • The Witch Wound (persecution in previous lives for your natural intuitive/magickal abilities)
  • Poverty/Scarcity
  • Isolation
  • Self-Punishment
  • Obedience
  • Disconnection From Source

You are not doomed to repeat these things forever! These are your spots to grow through (so they wouldn’t be yours if you couldn’t handle the growth). There’s always a way to heal and move forward.

Soul Contracts & Manifestation

One question I always get about manifesting is: can I manifest anything?

I hope learning about soul contracts has shown you that the answer is no.

While we are powerful creatures and there’s so much we can create for ourselves, some things are out of our power. So please don’t take those negative moments the wrong way and feel like you’re somehow cursed or doom. It was always meant to part of your journey, but instead of dwelling over what’s already happened, the most important thing is to focus on where you’re going next.

In other words, your own free will is one of your most important gifts! So don’t forget to use it.

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life

Love This Post? Then Save It To Your Manifestation Board On Pinterest!

Soul Contracts, Families and Vows: What You Need To Know


Love this post? Then share it!