Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach
I get it! It’s so easy to be a victim sometimes and to blame other people/the world for your problems. But did you know that that cozy victim mindset of yours is also part of your ego? Understanding this connection might just give you the strength to snap out of your “poor me” story for once and for all!
Thank you so much for watching!
It’s a fact: if you want to greatly improve your life, you’ll have to get deeply acquainted with your own desires.
However, desire is not always what it appears to be on the surface! Not every desire is created equally.
While some desires are rooted in our own power, others are not. Some desires aren’t even our own! So it’s important to dig a little deeper under and question where your desires are really coming from.
Of course, you always have the ability to ask for anything you want in life. But we all only have so much time and attention to go around. Why spend time chasing down a desire that’s not meant for you when you can focus your attention on what is?
Authentic desire (aka those desires that are meant for your soul!) are some of the most powerful things in the world! Stepping into your authenticity is part of your journey as a conscious creator!
Any time we must learn to dig within our own shadows and confront what we find there we must also dig into our fears. Being real with ourselves is scary at first! But ultimately this journey is about you finding your true path and power. So don’t be afraid of being honest with yourself about what you want in life.
There are three main types of desire to be aware of: programmed desire, ego desire and authentic (soul!) desire.
As an independent adult, it can be quite disconcerting to realize just how many of our “desires” aren’t actually ours at all! Instead, they’re just the result of years of picking up other people’s thoughts and opinions.
The truth is we’re all programmed to think, behave and–yes!–even desire in a certain way. For example, just think about the pathway that we’re all “supposed” to fulfill: college, job, partner, 2.5 kids, house in the suburbs. Yet that’s only one way to do life–and it might not be right for you! This vision of adulthood is shown to us over and over again, so often that we don’t even realize that there are other ways of being a successful and happy adult.
If you don’t ever discover the world of personal development, you might never even realize this has happened! Many of us get on this path and then “wake up” at some point realizing that they’ve never really listened to their own authentic desire.
But please know that it’s not that your parents or friends or society had bad intentions for you. But we’re all very much a product of this “group think”. Figuring out who you really are also means being brave enough to throw all those old-fashioned ideals in the garbage. But if that’s what you have to do in order to be truly happy, then isn’t facing the uncertainty worth the risk?
Just remember, the more you say no to what isn’t serving you the more energy you’ll have to pour into what does!
Signs Of Programmed Desire
Our ego pushes to label everything good or bad. It wants to place everyone (and everything) on a hierarchy. It does this because it wants to place itself above everything! But ultimately, that selfish desire comes from a place of fear.
Our ego is highly concerned with our place in the world! It’s the part of us that’s keeping tabs on other people and either wanting to “one-up” them or to prove something to them somehow.
But our ego also has a big effect on the things we want in life. If you’re after something in life because of how it will look or of how someone else will perceive you, then it’s probably your ego talking.
Of course, you are allowed to want whatever you want! But this kind of desire is by no means authentic. Yes, it might feel good to show the popular kids at school how much money you’re making these days. But that will only temporarily fill the real problem! The wounds inside of you can’t be fixed by other people’s opinions.
It gets sticky here because of course some of our genuine desires cross over into this category! So it’s up to you to be honest with yourself: are you wanting something because you truly want it? Or because of how it will look? Be honest with yourself! Only you have the true answer.
Signs Of Ego Desires
Authentic desire is any desire that stems from your soul. These are the things that genuinely light us up and make us happy. They are our unique preferences, interests and gut instincts.
We all have a completely unique path in this life! We’re all here to do something and the way we figure out what that thing is is by following the path of our desires. We get closer to who we’re supposed to be by listening to the voice inside of us, not to the fear of our ego or the programming we’ve received from the outer world.
Authentic desire is part of your core essence. It’s the kinds of things you would do over and over again, whether or not you’re “good” at them or if you’re getting paid.
Stopping yourself from experiencing that kind of joy will just create resistance and pain! It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be someone other than who we really are.
That means you might be feeling some dissonance here! Perhaps in your heart you’re meant to be an artist but your family has raised you to pursue a career in medicine. Perhaps for the last ten years you’ve been an accountant but somewhere inside you you know you’re meant to design jewelry instead!
That isn’t to say you need to drop out of your job immediately. But you also need to fulfill your authentic desire in one way or another.
Please also understand authentic desire doesn’t also mean that every desire will be realized! Our desires are designed to bring us lessons; they help us to grow and expand. Sometimes that means we’ll find a new goal on our path and not realize the old one. Please know that this is totally normal!
The soul desire of all human beings is to just be and to eliminate suffering. Our individuated soul desire is a unique way of performing our individuated essence and is linked in some ways to our ego or personality type. It’s the gold at the end of the rainbow, so to speak.
Signs Of Authentic Desire
Behind every desire is the motivation to just be happy! However, true happiness can only be found through love and acceptance–not in trying to fix ourselves from the inside out or from trying to please others. So be brave and dare to figure out where your motivations are coming from. You might just learn something new about yourself that will allow you to truly connect with your soul purpose and ultimate happiness!
I hope this post helps you untangle the sometimes complex world of desire! Let me know how your work goes with this and thank you so much for reading!
PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to shift your reality or this one about 5 reasons why you’re not manifesting.
If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you’ll know that I frequently talk about the importance of listening to your intuition!
But even though I speak of this often, I still get a lot of questions about this topic!
Many find it confusing–and for good reason! Let’s be real: there are MANY voices inside of us each and every day.
So how do you know which voice to listen to?
First off, it’s important to understand that the internal chaos and contradictory messages are simply stemming from different parts of our consciousness. If it feels like there’s a war going on inside you, that’s because there is!
But this war is more complicated than just black vs white or good vs evil.
Intuition always comes from our heart or gut. It might be a form of wisdom from our higher self or maybe from the Universe itself. Your intuition is here to guide you both spiritually and emotionally through life.
However, it can be a little tricky to unearth. It often communicates without words and is much quieter than the bossy voice of your ego mind! Your intuition often allows you to just “know” something, without any rational reason or explanation. It takes practice to trust in this truth.
Our ego creates some problems for us but it’s not inherently evil or wrong! We all have an ego; it’s an important piece of our sense of self. So please don’t think the ego is something that can be eradicated entirely!
Your ego’s main job is to protect you, both physically and mentally (a very important job!). However, our ego is also heavily influenced by the world around us. The society and culture we grew up in and our past experiences and fears give our ego excess ammunition to work with! So the ego becomes overdeveloped in most people.
That means you don’t have to worry or stress or endlessly stress because you have a source of divine knowledge and knowing inside you at all times.
The only problem is separating that from our EGO–which can be very demanding, loud and–infuriatingly–logical.
So now that we understand the difference, let’s find out some sure-fire ways to tell the difference between your ego and your intuition.
One of the most tell-tale signs that the ego is in charge is a message of scarcity. The ego will always assume scarcity over abundance! Its got its own best interests in mind at all times, of course. But that means instead of trusting in abundance, it will panic and try to control or manipulate situations in order to get what it wants.
In contrast, your higher self understands the true abundant nature of the Universe!
It won’t freak out and try to micromanage things because it’s able to surrender and trust, knowing scarcity is just an illusion.
Ego will typically back up its choices with a long list of reasons why you should do it. The list of reasons (and justifications) is often logical and lengthy. It can be difficult to “argue” with such facts! But despite the evidence the ego is giving you, it doesn’t necessarily have the right answer.
Conversely, your true intuition will give you just one answer! No further explanation or justification is needed when you know the right answer. It might seem confusing to listen to that one answer because it doesn’t come with all the justifications that the ego provides! So just know that your intuition will still be right, no justification needed.
The ego absolutely LOVES to use things outside of itself to make itself feel better! For example, this can happen when relationships, shopping addictions, business or career success or even addiction to exercise become our primary source of confidence or happiness.
The major problem here is that (of course!) all of those external things can be taken away from us! And some of them don’t even work that well in the first place. It will only make you feel happy to have money when you compare yourself to people with less money than you. If you start comparing yourself to people with more money, you’ll start to feel badly about yourself again! So all those good feelings only come from an illusion.
The other problem here is that those outside solutions are never quite enough! The ego will keep promising you that you will feel good if only you push yourself a little farther–then a little farther again. But the finish line never really comes!
In comparison, our intuition doesn’t really care about those artificial pleasures! Your higher self knows the only real source of love comes from the inside. All that outside stuff is just a nice-to-have, not a primary source of happiness.
The ego is always grasping at knowing what’s best; that means sometimes it will jump wildly from one answer to the next, even if the answers are contradictory. This is just a wild attempt to retain control over a situation that it can’t truly control! If you keep changing your mind about something, then it’s a true sign the ego is in charge.
On the flip side, your intuition will not waver from its first choice! The message you receive might not be as loud but it will not change with time. It’s common to receive the same message or phrase over and over again.
Your intuition comes from your higher self: a place of self-love and acceptance! Conversely, your ego is often your inner mean girl: a voice of criticism and even contempt. If you’re convincing yourself to do something because “you’re stupid/fat/etc” then it’s a red flag that your ego has gained control!
Your intuition might not be as obvious to recognize, but it’s message will be neutral and free from self-hatred.
The ego always assumes the world is an unsafe place and it will do anything to keep you safe! Protecting us and creating boundaries is important but the ego tends to go a little overboard and keep us paralyzed rather than taking action even on things we truly want to do! The ego creates a false sense of control, which can be difficult to let go of!
Our intuition always comes from a place of love and security. The focus will be on expressing yourself, not on gaining control of a situation.
I hope this post gives you some clarity on which inner voice you should be listening to! When you’re used to living from your logical mind, it can be a real challenge to listen to your intuition at first! But there’s so much wisdom waiting there for you that it’s well-worth the effort.
Thank you so much for reading!
PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about why you’re not getting results with the Law of Attraction or this one about banish your blocks to manifest fast.
