• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Start Here
  • Blog
    • Podcast
    • Watch
    • Subliminals
  • Coaching
  • Shop
  • Free Manifestation Planner!

The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

Stop Being Nice! 5 Habits You Need To Break To Step Into Your Power

by: Jenn

Stop Being Nice! 5 Habits You Need To Break To Step Into Your Power

Are you too nice? As funny as that might sound, being nice really can be the culprit behind many of our life problems.

Being nice is something we’re systemically taught to do: don’t hurt anyone’s feelings, don’t offend, don’t be bossy, always put other people first etc.

While developing empathy and learning to play nicely with others is obviously important, all too often this forced nice-ness also comes at a high cost.


While learning to prioritize others, we also forget to prioritize ourselves.



The Nice-ness Myth seems to go something like this: if everyone put everyone else’s feelings first, then we’d never actually hurt each other. But of course that just isn’t the case! Hurt feelings are actually not the result of other people’s actions. They’re created in our own minds.

So until we learn how to manage our own emotions, we’ll be at the mercy of those around us–leaving us feeling powerless and like a victim.

You are always your own best advocate! No one else can prioritize your happiness, your needs or your feelings. So if you’re running around making everyone else happy, who’s going to do the same for you?

We also think that by being nice we can make other people like us. But sometimes that’s just passive aggressive behavior. We can’t control people through our nice-ness (no matter how hard we try!). Plus being too nice can actually have the side-effect of turning people off. If you’ve ever met someone who was just too eager to please, you know how disconcerting it can feel. That’s because it’s clear that the nice person is hiding their real thoughts and feelings. It creates disconnection and makes us mistrustful.

We all crave real connection with each other. We all just want to be seen and accepted for who we really are! But if you’re putting on a fake persona and diminishing your own magic, then you’re also cutting yourself off from this ever being a possibility. It takes bravery to walk through the world as your authentic self–but ultimately that’s the only path to true happiness and freedom.

Ultimately, we’re here to live our best life and to make ourselves happy. If you’ve spent too much time and energy on being nice with little to show for it, then start the journey back to true self with these 5 habits to break.


Stop Being Nice! 5 Habits You Need To Break To Step Into Your Power


Stop Being Nice Habit #1:

People-Pleasing


People pleasing might not sound bad at first glance. Who wouldn’t want to make the people around them happy? But people pleasing is often taken much too far and can be an indicator of low self-esteem. After all, if you’re more interested in pleasing those around you than yourself, what does that say about your own self-image?

The truth is having an opinion and needs of your own doesn’t diminish you as a person. They’re actually a good thing! Think about the last time you tried to find a restaurant with someone who insisted upon having no opinion and “being easy”. In this case “being easy” just puts all the work squarely on the other person–which isn’t exactly fun!

Ultimately, we all want to please those around us–but that also requires other people telling us what they really want! If you’re not comfortable voicing your own preferences, then you’re denying everyone the chance to do this for you.


Stop Being Nice Habit #2:

Not Asking For What You Want


One of the common symptoms of being too nice is an inability to ask for what we really want. Instead of negotiating IRL, we’ve already started negotiating in our mind. We ask for a compromise instead of what we really want because we’re too focused on what the other party wants (or what they will think of us). But that requires a whole lot of assumptions on our part. (And you know what they say about assumptions!)

If you never ask for what you want, you’re never going to get it! Besides, if your partner isn’t even aware of what you really want, they’re bound to miss the fact you’re already making a compromise. That will only leave you feeling taken advantage of in the end.

Of course, life isn’t perfect. Voicing your preferences doesn’t guarantee that you’ll actually get what you want–but that’s almost besides the point! We all still have to negotiate in the real world. However, being truthful and direct about your own preferred objectives is the best way to enter into any negotiation, personal or professional. It’s the only way to begin advocating for yourself.


Stop Being Nice Habit #3:

Not Enforcing Boundaries


Ultimately, we teach the people in our life how we want to be treated. But in order to do that, we have to think about how we want to be treated and we also have to communicate them. Your partner/friend/co-worker can’t be expected to know what your boundaries are. It’s up to you to put in the work of expressing them.

Boundaries aren’t a guarantee but they do help to create a safeguard. Ultimately, you can’t control anyone (and boundaries aren’t meant to be used as a manipulation tactic). But they will make any real problems float to the surface. If you’ve expressed a hard boundary and someone continues to violate it, then you have a very good picture of what they think of you.


Stop Being Nice Habit #4:

Over-apologizing


Do you say sorry far too often? I know I do! (And hello fellow Canadians and Brits!) But this is just another way to play small and to put everyone else first.

Apologies are of course necessary at times. But some of nice people make them far too often. (ie. Apologizing when people bump into you! Maybe that’s just a Canadian thing. ????)

However, you shouldn’t feel the urge to apologize unless you’ve actually done something wrong. We all have a right to exist on this planet; sometimes over-apologizing shows that we don’t think our presence or needs are truly important. So before you jump to saying “I’m sorry” please take a moment to pause and ask yourself: did I really do something wrong here? Or am I just trying to make the other person feel good? If you haven’t done anything wrong, then stand up for yourself by not saying it.


Stop Being Nice Habit #5:

Looking For Validation


There’s one person and one person only who gets a say in how you live your life and that’s you. Of course it would be nice if others in our life always approved of us! But that will simply never happen. So it’s important to realize that while it would be nice to have, ultimately we don’t need anyone’s approval.

It’s all too easy to fall into the validation trap if you’re not in your own full self-worth. But that’s just because you’re holding other people’s opinions higher than your own. In reality, while we’re all unique and powerful in our own way, we’re all equals. No one is better than anyone else! We’re all just different. So why hold someone else’s opinion higher than your own?

Constantly needing that outer opinion is exhausting. Because no matter how many nice words you hear or how many people tell you you’re great it will never be enough. Until you fix the self-worth demon itself you’ll be trapped in a pattern of neediness forever.




So tell me: how are you being too nice in your life? What habits are you going to break to create a safer container for your own happiness?



Ultimately, you are your own best judgement! If “being nice” is leaving you feeling drained and under-appreciated, then you know it’s time to set some new boundaries.



Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about 8 reasons why your manifesting isn’t working or this one about how to manifest through decision.




Love This Post? Then Pin It For Later!

Stop Being Nice! 5 Habits You Need To Break To Step Into Your Power
Stop Being Nice! 5 Habits You Need To Break To Step Into Your Power
Stop Being Nice! 5 Habits You Need To Break To Step Into Your Power

Stop Being Nice! 5 Habits You Need To Break To Step Into Your Power

Filed Under: Mindset, Self Work Tagged With: nice, nice habits, self-love, stop being nice

Primary Sidebar

Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

Footer

Hey Jenn! Do you have any advice about…

Even More Magic

Business Coaching
Glossary
Inspiration
Terms & Conditions
Impressum/Privacy
Contact
Member Login

The Aligned Life

How To Manifest
How To Manifest Love
How To Manifest Money
Mindset Magic

Come Find Me:

Apple Podcasts
Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
Pinterest
Spotify
TikTok

Footer Widget Header

Reminder: THIS ISN'T YOUR FOREVER PLACEMeaning: Reminder: THIS ISN'T YOUR FOREVER PLACEMeaning: whether good OR bad, this moment is only temporary.And even when the sh*t is hitting the fan, there's so MORE to your story than what's on the surface.Let me get personal for a moment.I've been pretty open here about my dark night of the soul story.(Basically, going from being married, living in a beautiful loft apartment, having a successful business with my partner to getting dumped, business dissolving & living in my parents basement. Overnight!)Way back then I was FIRMLY stuck on what was happening to me.The worst part was really the fact that I was telling myself I would never be happy again. I lost & game over.Looking back now, I can see how it was THAT particular story of mine that was the most painful and damaging.Feeling hopeless fed my depression and really made me feel like there wouldn't even be a point in TRYING to do anything great ever again.But I'm happy to say I was SO wrong about that!Back then I firmly FELT like I was in my forever place--even though it WASN'T.Bit by bit, I healed myself. I got stronger. I started listening to my soul desires and got busy with manifesting them all into reality.NOW I know that the lessons I learned back then have been my most valuable.They led me to TRUST myself and in the journey, even through fear, self-doubt and not always knowing WHERE I was going next.Without that moment, I'm sure I would NOT be here: with a book and business I'm so proud of, living out my dreams in Europe.So today I just want to REMIND you: there's more to your story only always.I know 2020 was tough for so many of us (Corona, BLM & more)And maybe you needed to read this today.So please know: you might not be able to see how it's all coming together right now.But trust that one day down the road, you'll look back and see:That THIS exact, with all the suffering and hardship WASN'T all in vain.It actually all came together to make me who I was ALWAYS meant to be.
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Oh hey there friend! 💗There are lots of new f Oh hey there friend! 💗There are lots of new faces here & it's been a little while since I last introduced myself.So hello! My name is Jenn & I'm on a mission to connect you to your MAGIC.I teach you how to create the life you want by using your MIND.You might have heard that you can use the Law of Attraction to attract what you want through your emotional states.Which IS true.But most of us don't realize that our THOUGHTS create our emotional state.Repeated thoughts become beliefs.And those beliefs create our MINDSET.So when you have a low sense worthiness around ANYTHING you happen to want to manifest, you WILL see only lack and limitation.You WILL buy into the old programming that tells you you could never do/be/have that.You WILL secretly self-sabotage and get in the way of the very things you want so much.I used to feel lost and down on myself. And I used to HATE what my life was like.But something inside of me was pointing me in the direction of learning more about spirituality and personal development.The more I learned about manifestation + the brain, the moer the pieces began to click together.And the faster my life began to RAPIDLY change!(Check out my story on how I manifested my book deal for example.)I'm telling you this because I KNOW you can create so many of those dreams of yours, if you JUST learn how to get out of your own way.And that's what I'm on a mission to do, every single day.Want to work with me? You can get started with manifestation with my Manifestation Journaling Workshop.Or if you're ready to go deeper in a private setting, drop me a DM to learn more about my hypno-coaching program!AND PS - I'm also about to launch my Recode membership site (which I'm SOOO excited about). So stay tuned for that!But I'm SO DAMN EXCITED to have you here for this journey! And I thank you so much for being part of my little manifestation community. Now--let's TRANSFORM!
Getting on the manifestation train, who's coming? Getting on the manifestation train, who's coming?Emoji me below if you're part of Team Manifestation! 👇👇
What do YOU need to believe to create your next le What do YOU need to believe to create your next level-reality?Remember: your old beliefs created the life you're living now.But instead of getting upset about that, it's SO much more useful to think on where we want to go next.So what do YOU want to create?And what do YOU need to believe in order to get there?This is the CREATION part of being a Conscious Creator: meaning that YOU get to decide on what your life looks like. But you also have to do the work to CREATE it, starting from the inside out.So get excited about what YOU are going to start believing in next! &  happy weekend to you #teammanifestation !
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
You're never lost, my darling!And things have ne You're never lost, my darling!And things have never gone wrong.Even when things don't LOOK the way you want them to, always remember:There is magic in this moment--and EVERY moment.So lock it in & double tap to AFFIRM it:I trust that I am right where I am mean to be! ✨✨

© 2021 · The Aligned Life