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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

Unf*ckwithable You Episode 7: Your Shadow Self

by: Jenn

Unf*ckwithable You Episode 7: Your Shadow Self

In this episode, we start exploring the dark recesses of our psyche. We each have a Shadow Self, which is the part of us who is very often hard at work undermining all our good intentions! We’re going to shed some light on what the Shadow is so you can start to become conscious of yours.




Thank you so much for listening!

You can subscribe to Unf*ckwithable You over on Soundcloud, iTunes or Stitcher.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Carl Jung, psychology, shadow self, unf*ckwithable podcast, unf*ckwithable you

Shadow Work: How To Integrate Your Shadow Self

by: Jenn

woman with eyes closed and text Shadow Work: How To Integrate Your Shadow Self

Human beings are a complicated bunch. We all contain good and bad, light and dark.

This means that even as happy and spiritually-inclined as you might be, there’s also another side of you.

Your shadow side: that part that rules us subconsciously, that drives us to act in ways we’re not so proud of, those things about ourselves that we’d rather not see.

The Shadow Self represents those unconscious behaviors, desires, and motivations that we all have. Our shadow self controls a lot of what we do and how we operate in the world.

We all have a dark side. We all have thoughts and emotions that we’re not so proud of.

And they’re each an important part of us.

Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior

~ Carl Jung


Typically, when we act from our shadow side, we’re usually reacting. It seems like we’re not actually in charge for that split-second because it’s our subconscious mind taking over. So unless you do this shadow work, you’re doomed to let this part of you control you eventually.

However, these instinctual actions are not intentional and very often not representative of us! Acting out can lead to even more stress. Not only are we hiding away how we actually feel but now we’re also defending our actions. It’s not a good place to be.

Embracing our shadow side involves taking a brutally honest look within and accepting what we find. But doing shadow work will always lead us to a happier state of being. Learning how to integrate our shadow is challenging work but ultimately allows us to lead a more fulfilling life.

So if you’re ready to do some work and take a deeper look at yourself, here are some suggestions to get you started.


How To Integrate Your Shadow Self


How To Integrate Your Shadow Step #1:

Find The Shadow



Begin by simply trying to figure out where your shadows lie. Look for tell-tale signs of discomfort like guilt or embarrassment or things that you try to avoid. When you really don’t want to address something, you’re probably on the right track!

We all have things that we avoid or put off dealing with. Sometimes they’re things we’re fascinated with but would never tell anyone about. All of these things have a lot to say about us. Do you avoid confrontation with a loved one? Talking about money? Being honest about some area of your life? Lean in and see what you and learn. Look for patterns or similarities in various situations in your life. (Some might have existed for years or even decades!)

You might also find clues to your shadow in other people. Our world is a mirror of us and the things we notice about it are often present within ourselves. So when something about someone else really bothers you, you’re likely to just be focusing on an aspect of yourself. Our own harsh judgments are clues to understanding ourselves.


How To Integrate Your Shadow Step #2:

Aim For Understanding



Instead of hiding away our secret feelings, it’s time to find their root cause. The shadow self is typically formed from the things we repress. Whether consciously or subconsciously, somewhere along the way you’ve been taught that some aspects of yourself are bad or undesirable. So you learned how to get really good at hiding them away.

But those aspects of you are still there. They’re real and important. Hiding them away is just a band-aid solution. You deserve to express your true desires and emotions. It takes courage to confront those things in ourselves that we’d rather not see but it’s the only way to gain control over them.

If someone else has triggered you, take a step back and look inside yourself. We might be outwardly condemning the way someone else behaves but we might actually be jealous of that person’s verve or confidence. Sometimes other people acting in ways we only wish we could act makes us go a little crazy! So try to recognize if this dynamic is happening within you.


How To Integrate Your Shadow Step #3:

Release Your Guilt



Guilt has a powerful hold over us that is mostly unnecessary. All those “should” thoughts (“I should do/feel/think/be something else”) arise from guilt. Those “should” feelings were imposed on us by society. But guilt is not natural; it’s learned!

We carry around the heavy weight of guilt rather than express what we really want to express or do what we really want to do. And most of the time guilt is much more damaging than our actual feelings! So look at your guilt. Look at your shame. Try to find where it came from. And ask yourself is that guilt really helping you? Is it serving you at all? Is it helping you lead a better life or is it making your world smaller?

Aim to remove your feelings of guilt and shame and accept yourself and all of your uniqueness. We all have dark and light aspects. Integrating the two makes the dark less scary and less likely to have any power over you.


How To Integrate Your Shadow Step #4:

Express Yourself



If there’s a safe way for you to let your shadow self out, then it’s time to explore it. Do the things you really want to do or at least try them on for size!

You may have to play with the expression to find something that is safe and healthy. If anger is part of your shadow side becoming angry or violent could be dangerous. But learning to channel that energy safely (by taking a kickboxing class, for example) can safely tame your urges.

Look to your existing creative outlets. Can you write/ draw/ dance out your emotions? Expression is the goal here (not aiming to create master works of art!). Doing something that makes you feel good is all that’s required. (You never have to show your work to anyone else. I promise!)


How To Integrate Your Shadow Step #5:

Stay Open



Working with our shadow is not a one-time-only event! It’s an ongoing process. So don’t berate yourself when these moments rise to the surface. The more loving attention you can shed on your shadow self, the less dark and scary that side of you will become.

Just know that the shadow won’t ever go away completely. We all have light and dark sides and both are meant to teach us something. You’ll be triggered over and over again during this life, and every time is an opportunity to get to know yourself more intimately.




Learning how to integrate your shadow is an important step to leading a more aligned and fulfilled life! I hope this article helps you on your journey to self-discovery. Please remember to share it if you found it useful!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life



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woman with eyes closed and text Shadow Work: How To Integrate Your Shadow Self

Filed Under: Self Work, Shadow Work Tagged With: Carl Jung, integrate shadow, integrate your shadow, shadow self, shadow work

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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And now for a quick message from your Higher Self: And now for a quick message from your Higher Self:Love yourself enough to LET IT GOBreathe deep & have a happy Sunday my beautiful babes!
You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because you ALWAYS manifest from your subconscious mind.Meaning you WILL play out old programs and ideas over and over again.Until YOU decide enough's enough! And do the work to REPROGRAM your mind to reflect what it you want and who you need to be.But sometimes, this work doesn't FEEL like it's doing anything.Those little tiny shifts on the inside are close to invisible--which might even make you doubt that it's happening at all.But trust me gorgeous, it IS.Keep taking tiny steps forward.Keep doubling down on who you WANT to be.TRUST the process and understandThat little by little, bit by bitIt all adds upUntil one day you look around and realize: I'm already there.
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yours What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yourself?💜To not CRAVE that outside approval or validation?To forget about other people's opinions or what they say behind your back?To not motivate yourself to move TOWARDS something only because you cannot stand where you are?This just goes to show that as much as we all LOATHE to admit it, so much of what we do is based off of artificially leveraging ourselves UP.If so-and-so would only say "good job"If that person would LOVE meIf I finally did [ insert arbitrary goal here ]THEN I could finally feel good and actually TRULY love myself.Sometimes we all get our wires crossed on this at times. (Myself included!)We focus on the future fantasy that our issues will MAGICALLY disappear once X/Y/Z happens.And we chase the things outside of us, forgetting that the ONLY place our true happiness lies is within ourselves.I'm here to warn you:You could run the whole race of life and NOT get what you think you need from other people.You could meet milestone after milestone and still NEVER feel like you measure up. 😩ORYou could start being enough, right here, right now.Enough = you as you are, flaws, mistakes and all.Enough = you without anyone else.Enough = you.💗Happy Thursday Conscious Creator friends!
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to fe It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to feel good all the time.And that's okay!Not gonna lie: the last month or so has been rough for me.The darkness of winter + strict lockdowns/limited holiday celebrations were TOUGH.I've definitely had my moments of letting it all get to me.But that doesn't mean anything has gone wrong.It doesn't mean that I'm somehow failing.And it definitely does NOT mean I'm putting more space between me and my manifestation goals.Even with the BEST of intentions, life is 50/50. Expecting perfection at any time will ONLY set you up for disappointment.Feeling frustrated, down, exhausted: those are all normal feelings for anyone experiencing a pandemic (plus general winter blues/ political chaos etc.)So while I don't want to create MORE of those feelings, I'm also not going to judge myself for having them.Making your feelings WRONG does not speed you up back into feeling better. It only creates self-loathing and resistance.Are you feeling the same? Here are a few things that are helping me right now:- Just letting myself cry if I feel like it (Sometimes 10 minutes of a good cry is a sufficient release!)
- Concentrating on pandemic-lockdown friendly goals that I CAN achieve (Doing pilates every day, meditation + Manifestation Journaling)
- Taking a break from drinking (I only drank about once a week anyway! But why not try going without it for a month?)
- Doing more behind-the-scenes entrepreneur stuff (The kinds of things that are so easy to put off for "someday")
- Using my SAD lamp every morning! (I only just got it but I swear it's helping)
- NOT judging myself too harshly if I suddenly don't feel up to doing the work I had planned or posting as much I "should" (Being an entrepreneur brings an EXTRA level of potential self-judgment that's hard to get out of at times.)This is all just a great example of one of the most important lessons of LIFE.You don't get to choose all your circumstances. But you DO get to choose what you do WITH them.What are you choosing to create right now? Whether you're in lockdown or not, I'd love to hear it!

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