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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

How To Cultivate Healthy Attachment: A 3-Step Guide

by: Jenn

How To Cultivate Healthy Attachment

Frequently there comes a question in spiritual circles about how a supposedly-spiritual person can enjoy material possessions.

After all, aren’t we supposed to rise above all of that? In many religions, poverty is seen as an admirable state. And it’s true that lessening our attachment to physical belongings can make us happier, it’s not poverty itself that makes us more spiritual. It’s our mindset.

So yes, of course, the two can coexist.

And no, I’m not just saying that because I’m a designer. ????

It’s not a matter of us being spiritual or material.

It’s learning to inhabit both of those spaces at the same time.

While relying too much on the external world is not healthy, we’re still physical beings having a physical experience. Part of the joy of being human is enjoying our physical state, through taste, movement, touch etc.

A balanced approach to spirituality takes that into account.

We’re all searching for fulfillment and it’s easy to confuse the rush of shopping or consuming with being truly fulfilled. But sooner or later, the truth becomes evident.

Filling that inner need with superficialities does nothing to sustain us through the long-term. Short-term pleasure does not guarantee long-term satisfaction.

So we can’t get true happiness from our stuff. But we can create a deep and satisfying experience to the world through the way we relate to our stuff.

Creating healthy attachment is about coming from a place of contentment and respect, not from being ruled by gluttony, greed or fear.

I love to start attachment practice at home, because that’s where we spend most of our time (and it’s my favorite medium in general).

But moving into a sense of healthy attachment and away from a place of intense need is a practice that has far-reaching effects.

There’s a quote that I love that says “how you do one thing is how you do everything”. (Which is quite a sobering thought!)

Getting too attached to something just isn’t healthy, whether it’s on something we own or someone we love.

So think of this habit of healthy attachment as much more than just a way you relate to your stuff. It’s a way to see the entire world.

Having respect for our belongings is not just having dominion over them. It’s about treating them with loving care. But also staying mindful of their impermanence. Our shoes and clothes will wear out one day. What’s in fashion this year will be out next year. Our appliances might break down. These things are destined to ebb and flow. But we can value them and cherish them while they happen to occupy space in our life.

Cultivating healthy attachment means understanding that we cannot find true happiness from our stuff yet still allowing space for respect and enjoyment.

So if you’re interested in creating healthy boundaries with your belongings, I’ve put together this quick guide to help out.


How To Cultivate Healthy Attachment: A 3-Step Guide


Step One: Gratitude

Society sets us up to feel lack in so many ways. Just take a look at the media, advertising or even your local grocery store! Advertising and marketing work by making you feel like you’re missing something. They operate on making you feel lacking. We’re all susceptible but some of us feel it more than others. So if you’re affected by this conditioning, the best way to combat it is by working on your attitude for gratitude.

Gratitude is one of the true keys to happiness. To put it simply, when we feel grateful for something it’s impossible to feel lack at the same time. They’re like two sides of the same coin. So when you feel the dark pull of desire from a place of lack, try to put your focus on what you do have instead. It’ll automatically shift your thinking.


Step Two: Lower Your Consumption

Limiting your consumption works best by limiting your exposure. So stay out of the mall and you’ll fall prey to passing design trends a lot less often! But the mall isn’t everyone’s drug. Take a look at your habits. What do you buy too much of? What’s the most tempting for you? There’s a world of difference between our wants and needs. And it’s incredibly liberating to find out how things don’t really change that much if you don’t upgrade to the latest iPhone. (Really!)

Tim Ferriss takes this concept to the extreme by “practicing poverty” regularly. For just a week this year act like you don’t have money. Don’t go out for drinks or food. Don’t got shopping. Stay home and live simple. This stoic practice is a great way to remember how many of our daily choices are luxuries, not necessities.

The practice has another underlying bonus however: reducing fear. If we’re afraid of making decisions that might lose use money, living the poor lifestyle is confronting us directly with that fear. And will help us to see that things really aren’t that bad, even if we did lose “everything”.


Step Three: Release Attachment

Buddhism teaches that attachment is the root of all suffering. It’s pretty easy to see how this plays out in different ways: our expectations of our relationships are often what hurts us the most. The way we cling to one specific desire is what breaks our heart, not the actual events in our life. When we think our stuff will actually improve us or make us happier, we set ourselves up to fail. When we think we can’t be happy unless we have the same things that our friends do, we’re creating the mental trap for ourselves.

Of course, working on becoming free of these attachments is an ongoing process. But when you find yourself faced with disappointment or jealousy, take a closer look at how your own thoughts had an effect on the situation. (If you want to take this a step further, check out The Work by the brilliant Byron Katie.)




It is absolutely possible to live in the material world without falling into anger, fear, greed or jealousy. It just takes a shift in your mindset. So focus instead on the wonder of physical things themselves (they all began inside someone’s head). Focus on giving gifts as a concrete expression of affection. Focus on spending your money on people and businesses that deserve it. Focus on facilitating great experiences in this world for yourself, in whatever meaningful way that is for you.




I hope you enjoy this practice!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to change your life the easy way or this one about how to feel abundant when you’re broke.




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How To Cultivate Healthy Attachment

Filed Under: Self Work Tagged With: Buddhism, Byron Katie, healthy attachment, Tim Ferriss

The Concept of Esho Funi

by: Jenn

The Concept of Esho Funi

Esho funi is a Buddhist concept meaning oneness of yourself and your environment. This concept illustrates the fact that separation is an illusion; our inner life and exterior world are one and the same. We are exactly what we have attracted in this world including work, home, family and friends.


[Tweet “Your inner world and your environment are inseparable.”]


This means is that inner changes can affect your external world.

So if you don’t like the way your career is going, the friendships you have or the home that you live in, the first steps you need to take are inside yourself.

How liberating!

While I place great importance on cultivating an awesome place to live in, it also crucial to address some of the underlying inner issues.

If you’re messy, let’s find out why that is! If you chronically neglect your home, it’s important to discover when that pattern began and what triggered it. If you claim that you don’t care about your space, what else are you not caring about?

The patterns of neglect are likely repeating themselves in other areas of your life.

Changing yourself and changing your space are both incredibly powerful acts. But it’s smart to combine these two processes and use them towards the same goal.

So start seeing your home as a real priority. Make it reflect who you are and where you want to go! It really is important.




Thank you so much for reading!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to work with Feng Shui colors or this one about how to receive signs from the Universe.

Filed Under: Conscious Design Tagged With: Buddhism, esho funi

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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And now for a quick message from your Higher Self: And now for a quick message from your Higher Self:Love yourself enough to LET IT GOBreathe deep & have a happy Sunday my beautiful babes!
You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because you ALWAYS manifest from your subconscious mind.Meaning you WILL play out old programs and ideas over and over again.Until YOU decide enough's enough! And do the work to REPROGRAM your mind to reflect what it you want and who you need to be.But sometimes, this work doesn't FEEL like it's doing anything.Those little tiny shifts on the inside are close to invisible--which might even make you doubt that it's happening at all.But trust me gorgeous, it IS.Keep taking tiny steps forward.Keep doubling down on who you WANT to be.TRUST the process and understandThat little by little, bit by bitIt all adds upUntil one day you look around and realize: I'm already there.
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yours What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yourself?💜To not CRAVE that outside approval or validation?To forget about other people's opinions or what they say behind your back?To not motivate yourself to move TOWARDS something only because you cannot stand where you are?This just goes to show that as much as we all LOATHE to admit it, so much of what we do is based off of artificially leveraging ourselves UP.If so-and-so would only say "good job"If that person would LOVE meIf I finally did [ insert arbitrary goal here ]THEN I could finally feel good and actually TRULY love myself.Sometimes we all get our wires crossed on this at times. (Myself included!)We focus on the future fantasy that our issues will MAGICALLY disappear once X/Y/Z happens.And we chase the things outside of us, forgetting that the ONLY place our true happiness lies is within ourselves.I'm here to warn you:You could run the whole race of life and NOT get what you think you need from other people.You could meet milestone after milestone and still NEVER feel like you measure up. 😩ORYou could start being enough, right here, right now.Enough = you as you are, flaws, mistakes and all.Enough = you without anyone else.Enough = you.💗Happy Thursday Conscious Creator friends!
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to fe It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to feel good all the time.And that's okay!Not gonna lie: the last month or so has been rough for me.The darkness of winter + strict lockdowns/limited holiday celebrations were TOUGH.I've definitely had my moments of letting it all get to me.But that doesn't mean anything has gone wrong.It doesn't mean that I'm somehow failing.And it definitely does NOT mean I'm putting more space between me and my manifestation goals.Even with the BEST of intentions, life is 50/50. Expecting perfection at any time will ONLY set you up for disappointment.Feeling frustrated, down, exhausted: those are all normal feelings for anyone experiencing a pandemic (plus general winter blues/ political chaos etc.)So while I don't want to create MORE of those feelings, I'm also not going to judge myself for having them.Making your feelings WRONG does not speed you up back into feeling better. It only creates self-loathing and resistance.Are you feeling the same? Here are a few things that are helping me right now:- Just letting myself cry if I feel like it (Sometimes 10 minutes of a good cry is a sufficient release!)
- Concentrating on pandemic-lockdown friendly goals that I CAN achieve (Doing pilates every day, meditation + Manifestation Journaling)
- Taking a break from drinking (I only drank about once a week anyway! But why not try going without it for a month?)
- Doing more behind-the-scenes entrepreneur stuff (The kinds of things that are so easy to put off for "someday")
- Using my SAD lamp every morning! (I only just got it but I swear it's helping)
- NOT judging myself too harshly if I suddenly don't feel up to doing the work I had planned or posting as much I "should" (Being an entrepreneur brings an EXTRA level of potential self-judgment that's hard to get out of at times.)This is all just a great example of one of the most important lessons of LIFE.You don't get to choose all your circumstances. But you DO get to choose what you do WITH them.What are you choosing to create right now? Whether you're in lockdown or not, I'd love to hear it!

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