Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach
Does it sometimes feel like your emotions are out of control? Do you struggle with negative emotions? Then this video is for you!
I’m going to share with you a few ways to reframe your negative thoughts (so you don’t take them so personally). Then I’m also going to help you understand how your emotions work so you can start to slow down and control the process for yourself!
Thank you so much for watching!
How To Deal With Negative Thoughts | Negative thoughts are something we all have to deal with! So don’t be afraid of yours! In this video, I share a simple trick to help distract you from your negative train of thoughts instead of getting run over by them!
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Thank you so much for watching!
As you probably already know, thinking positive and staying in a high-vibe sounds is crucial to your manifesting success. After all, we attract what we put out into the world! And your emotions are your frequency. Since your emotions start with your thoughts, it’s important to train your brain to think happy thoughts instead of defaulting into negativity.
But of course, that’s often easier said than done! Mind management is an inherently trick business. ☺️
As a reader recently wrote to me: It’s a paradox because you are thinking about what you don’t want so if you want to stop thinking about that than you will focus on those thoughts even more. It’s like saying to not think about Johnny Depp. Then who are you thinking about?
It’s true: the Johnny Depp principle (TM!) can really kick your ass! So it’s important to create a realistic perspective on what this mind work really entails as well as to have some solid action steps to use in the moment.
The bottom line is that negative thoughts aren’t fun or helpful. So the more we can eliminate them the better off we’ll be!
Thoughts are just energy (like everything else)–one negative thought has the effect of attracting more of of its negative friends. And obsessive negative thoughts are like a snowball rolling downhill. They start off innocently enough but can turn into a real emotional avalanche. (Ouch!)
So it’s important to have a plan of action in order to not let them take over!
I describe what I do as being a Law of Attraction teacher or coach. But let’s be real: what I’m really doing is to help you train your thoughts to be more healthy and positive. Yes, that eventually translates into tangible real-world results but it all begins on the inside.
Please know that negative rumination is normal and natural. It’s just your brain’s way of trying to make sense of the world. So it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
So today I was inspired to put together this quick guide! Because we’ll all have obsessive negative thoughts from time to time! But how you deal with them makes all the difference.
Bad news: by the time you’ve reached adulthood, your brain has gotten very used to thinking the way it always has.
Your brain is really concerned about only two things: 1. Keeping you alive. 2. Saving energy. But it’s the saving energy part that really trips us up! Thinking new thoughts actually takes extra energy from your brain to formulate new neural pathways. Think back to those times you crammed before an exam and how exhausted you felt! That is what your brain is trying to avoid and it does that by relying on our same old thought patterns.
In other words, training your brain to think new thoughts takes effort! So it’s completely unrealistic to think you can just decide to think positive and every negative thought will automatically pack up and go home. You’re going to have to remind yourself over and over again to pick a better thought. You’re going to fall into your bad habits repeatedly before the new ones become habit!
Don’t put undue pressure on yourself to be 100% perfect! That’s an unattainable goal. Realize that this is a process will take the pressure off and leave you the space to make some mistakes along the way.
Being a human simply means you will experience negative emotions from time to time. And those negative emotions aren’t always the enemy!
That’s not me being unnecessarily negative either! It’s a fact: we need both light and darkness. The darker times of life are simply here to show you contrast: they highlight where you need to make changes. They’re not a punishment! They’re a way to help you correct course.
Unrealistic expectations about how life “should” be are just setting you up to feel worse about yourself! So please don’t freak about every bad thought or emotion! Look for the lesson. Figure out what you need to adjust and keep moving forward.
As soon as you notice yourself circling around a problem over and over (and over!) again, stop and take notice of what you’re doing. Maybe you’re replaying the events before the end of a breakup. Maybe you’re fuming because a sales clerk was rude to you. Maybe you’re upset with what your boyfriend said to you last night.
Whatever it is, try to identify what’s really setting you off. Our brain is excellent at making mountains out of mole hills! That’s why it’s so easy to believe that you’ll never be loved again after a break-up or that the clerk must have had it out for you. The core thought that’s causing the upset is the culprit here! Ferreting it out to name it will give you some power and allow you to notice it when it happens much faster.
Just remember: you always have to name it to change it!
As soon as you notice your thoughts leaning into obsessive territory, stop, drop and bring yourself back to the present moment. Sink back into your body and try to notice the world around you.
Here are some mindfulness questions to ask yourself: How are you breathing? How does your body feel? Do you need a quick walk or stretch? Or maybe some water? On a scale of 1-10, how hungry are you? Look at the sky outside. Describe what it looks like. Take some deep belly breaths.
Don’t overthink this part! Mindfulness is simply the process of learning to be in the present moment. And your negative thoughts are always either based in the future or past. The more often you can come back to being here now, the better control you’ll have over your negativity.
When the obsessive negativity starts to rise up, sometimes it helps to take swift action! So let’s switch things up. Change the scenery or activity. Give your brain something else to focus on: read a book or an article online. Watch TV, put on a podcast or go for a walk. Remember that the more time you spend there, the momentum those thoughts get! So just do what you have to do to stop the negative line of thinking in its tracks.
Alternatively, it’s also helpful to just give your brain the instruction to stop! Tell it to stop three times. Or imagine that you’re driving a car and you’ve come across a stop sign. You’re not going further down this mental pathway so pick a new direction and start focusing on that.
Learning to manage negative thoughts is simply about choosing a better thought–over and over again! This might feel a bit unnatural at first but it’s the best path forward. So at first this process isn’t about waiving off negative thoughts entirely. It’s about noticing them and replacing them as you go.
The process is just as straightforward as it sounds. When you notice your brain going there, it’s time to reframe. Again, look for the core thought that’s causing you the most pain and then ask yourself if it’s really true. Is the world really ending? Does so-and-so really hate you? Are you really about to lose your job? The negativity we experience is often way over-dramatized and completely unrealistic! (Which means all that suffering is just a result of your own mind!)
Give yourself a reality check and try to give yourself space to see what’s real. Even if you can’t put a positive spin on things yet, coming to a neutral space will do you a world of good.
The way you view your negativity can make a big difference in the way you control it. Feeling that your negative thoughts mean that there’s something wrong with you is not going to make anything better! It’s a disempowering point of view and will make you feel angry and helpless.
Please remember that you are not your anxiety. You are not your negative thoughts! You are so much more than that. They are simply something you experience, a bad habit that they default back to. Be patient and loving with yourself.
Every aspect of our being contains divinity. Love your negative thoughts for teaching you to slow down and to be patient. Love on them for the reminder to come back to love, always. Love them for showing you where you need to make changes. Love them for proving just how strong you really are. Loving them is necessary for totally loving and accepting yourself.
If you truly cannot keep on top of your negative thinking, it might be time to seek out professional help. Don’t suffer alone! There are wonderful people in the world who can make a huge difference in the way you feel.
Need someone to talk to? Better Help offers affordable therapy and counselling services online, through messaging, phone or video chat. Get the help you need in the privacy of your own home at an affordable rate! Click here to sign up right now with an exclusive 10% discount for readers of The Aligned Life.
When it comes to mind management, the most important thing is to not expect perfection. We’re all just works in progress! So keep focused on your goals and keep putting in the work. Choosing the helpful positive thought gets easier and easier with time.
Much love to you & thank you so much for reading!
PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about easy Law of Attraction or this one about makeover your money mindset.
We’ve all been there.
A minor incident is sometimes all it takes to set it off: the negative spiral.
Someone close to you is accidentally rude to you. Another driver takes your parking spot. Or someone aggressively pushes into you on the train.
A negative thought spiral happens when one isolated incident triggers a mental flow of general terribleness.
It’s an awful thing to endure. It’s often a symptom of anxiety or depression but it’s also something that happens to almost everybody once in a while.
And of course, the longer the spiral goes on, the worse you feel.
Taking care of our mind is essential to our overall health and well-being.
It’s the ultimate self-love practice.
Besides, many of our problems are self-induced!
But when you’re trapped inside your own mental matrix it’s really difficult to see anything but the reality that you’ve created.
Thoughts are energy. They have the power to build on each other, becoming stronger and stronger over time.
This is part of the reason why the Law of Attraction works! What you focus on always expands.
But unfortunately, this works whether your thoughts are happy or stressful.
To stop the negative flow, it’s time to change direction.
And the thoughts in your head are not always your friend!
We get stuck obsessing about past events, dramatizing future events or making one minor incident mean something really terrible.
But most of the time, none of that stuff is even true! We’re making up stories and jumping to wildly illogical conclusions. To fix it, you just need to take a step back and give yourself some perspective.
So the next time you find yourself rushing down the Feel Terrible Highway, it’s time to take back control! Here are 7 different ways you can pump the breaks and start feeling better right away.
Negative thought spirals often occur when we take one situation and relate it to previous experiences in our life. That’s when we end up with thoughts like “This always happens to me”, “I can’t ever do _____ right”.
When your mind starts getting dramatic or catastrophizing, dial it back and focus in on what’s actually happened, not on those prior events. Recognize the trigger as an isolated event, not as part of a life-long campaign to humiliate or hurt you!
A rude remark doesn’t mean you’re getting fired or that your girlfriend is breaking up with you.
Remind yourself that those definitive thought patterns (with words like “never” or “always”) are rarely ever empirically true. Try to look for the evidence to the contrary.
When your mind and heart starts racing, sometimes the best thing to do is to immediately change locations. If you’re at home, go for a walk. If you’re at your desk, get up and move to the lunch room. If it’s a really big upset, maybe book a weekend away if you can!
A physical shift is a great trigger for your brain to shift into the new experience. The idea is to put an end to the spiral before it really gets out of hand and a change in scenery often brings a welcome change in perspective. Plus it’s a great reminder that you’re ultimately in control and can manage the situation.
The negative thought spiral can also have a negative physical effect! If you feel your heart racing or your breathing becomes shallow, take a second to snap back into your body.
Taking three (or more!) deep belly breaths will help slow down your heart rate and draw you back into the present moment. Oxygenation of the brain has been show to reduce anxiety levels and lower blood pressure. Even a short period of deep breathing will be beneficial but if you can, consider spending a little extra time in full meditation.
Another way to grab control of a spiralling mind is to get your body moving! The mind and body are intimately connected; it’s possible to use one to shift the other one.
So go for a long run, lift extra heavy or go for a swim. Physical activity feels good and helps to burn off any lingering stress. Going extra hard with the workouts will automatically shift your attention away from what’s going on inside you because you’ll be so focused on what your body is actually doing. It’s a great way to get grounded in the present moment.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to let all that negative spiral energy out of you. Hand-writing your feelings is one of the most liberating activities you can do for your mental health. Journalling offers us a way to make sense of the internal mental chaos.
Seeing your thoughts on paper gives them some distance and perspective. Plus the act of hand-writing down your thoughts is a very physical way to symbolize them leaving your body!
So try it out! Write it all down until you shift into a more relaxed or calm mental space. (For bonus points, try burning the paper at the end!)
Instead of letting the negative thoughts win, try swapping them out for ones that will actually make you feel better. Affirmations can feel strange or fake at first but the whole point of using them is to retrain your brain to be more positive.
If you’re in a particularly stressed time, thinking those good thoughts will no doubt feel like an impossible task! But just like working out, it gets easier the more you practice it.
So find a feel-good phrase you can focus on: “Right now everything is okay”, “I forgive myself” or “I surrender” are all excellent choices. But feel free to adapt them or create your own affirmation that feels right to you. Then when you notice the negative thoughts rising again, turn to your mantra to calm the process down.
Negative spirals are often the result of us feeling unsafe. When we feel attacked, we go into fight or flight mode. That’s why our bodies feel so threatened by things that are nowhere near life or death situations in reality!
When you feel mentally stuck in negativity, think about what you can do to feel safe again.Think of each of your senses: touch, taste, smell, feel, hear.
Maybe it would feel good to light a scented candle, drink a special tea or go for a long walk. Maybe it would feel wonderful to wrap yourself up tightly in a blanket or to re-read a favorite book. Maybe it would feel amazing to take a candlelit bath or to cuddle with your dog.
The whole point is to make yourself feel good, so go for what inspires you! And please don’t be tempted to “punish” yourself for feeling bad or making a mistake. The punishment just keeps you stuck in that negative mindset for longer than necessary.
Practicing extreme self-care is never a bad idea! You deserve happiness so become an advocate for your own happiness and don’t feel guilt about pursuing it.
You don’t ever have to feel like you’re out of control of your thoughts! With some loving care and practice, you can regain control and be on your way to feeling happier and healthier.
I hope this post serves you. Much ????
PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to retrain your brain with affirmations or this one about 6 things to do if your manifesting isn’t working.
Sometimes it seems like the world is wired for negativity. Just turn on the TV! The news doesn’t have time show you all the good things in the world; their ratings are based on making people fearful or worried. And we all tend to remember the negative things that happened to us in extreme detail rather than the hundreds of good things that have also happened.
We don’t live in a perfect world. It’s easy to fall into a negativity rut.
And it’s also pretty easy to let all of that energy become a big part of us.
But chronic negativity is poisonous. And addictive. And those negative thoughts can actually result in crippling anxiety or manifest themselves as actual health issues over time.
So we need to learn how to manage it.
But since our bodies and minds work together, it’s important to start dealing with the root of the problem: the thoughts and emotions inside us.
Our brains are lazy; they just looooove to keep revisiting the same thoughts over and over again. That’s why stopping a negative thought pattern is so challenging! The more time you’ve already spent in negativity, the harder you’ll have to work to shift things.
Everyone experiences negativity sometimes! That’s why it’s important to recognize it when you encounter it and have a solid plan for dealing with it.
So today I’m offering up ten suggestions the help you manage negativity.
Most people treat complaining as a fact of life, not an activity we can opt out of. We live in a complaining culture! (Just hop on social media for some evidence.)
It’s okay to get upset abut things. It’s okay to acknowledge when things don’t go our way. But complaining can easily get out of hand. It can become habitual, especially when we spend our time with other people who love to complain.
That’s why it’s important understand that dwelling on the negativity in life doesn’t actually accomplish anything! Complaining takes a lot of energy away from you, but not towards something positive. In fact, the more you complain, the more your problems can seem to grow.
So when you notice that you’re doing it, it’s time to take a step back and stop. It’s probably going to take some time (or perhaps even a whole new routine!) but minimizing your complaints is well-worth the effort.
The blame game is another mental trap that’s all too easy to get sucked into. It’s very easy to place blame for the things in life that we don’t like on external events or people. But when we do that, we fail to take responsibility for the actions and choices that brought us to that situation. Blaming might be tempting because it shifts the responsibility away from us. But it also gives away our power and puts us in helpless little victim mode
Instead of assigning blame, look for the lesson. What could you have done differently to lessen or minimize the situation? Life is often messy and full of bumps. But while owning up to your own behavior, learning from it and moving on is healthy, blaming others will only keep you stuck in a negative space.
Criticism walks hand in hand with judgement and complaining. Verbally criticizing those around you creates unnecessary tension or even conflict. Not to mention, criticism is poison to an intimate relationship. But if you’re a perfectionist by nature, it’s all too easy to become fixated on someone’s supposed flaws.
Not to say that you need to remain mum if something upsetting happens. Setting boundaries is important. If you do have a legitimate complaint about a certain situation, learn speak from your heart instead of leading with absolute statements like “you always…” or “you never”. Critical statements create fear and anger and automatically make people go on the defensive.
Besides, it’s difficult to be critical only of other people. If you’re constantly criticizing how those around you behave, you’re likely to be doing the same to yourself. It’s difficult to go through life constantly judging yourself so harshly! But fixing the pattern will take some work. Go slowly and you’ll eventually learn to replace the criticisms with thoughts that are positive, not aggressive.
Even though it doesn’t feel like it, we have always have control over our thought processes. When you notice that you’re falling into what I call the “downward negativity spiral”, it’s time to pull yourself out of it. Pay attention to how your thoughts feel inside you. If they’re causing you pain or discomfort, it’s time to take action.
There’s always a more positive thought you can hold onto instead of a negative one. It’s all a matter of attitude. Even negative external events (like extra traffic or a delayed flight) can be reframed into positive opportunities. Maybe you suddenly have some extra time to call a friend or the opportunity to take a new path to the office. Treat life like an adventure, not a series of hardships.
I recently read the amazing book Presence by TED talk star Amy Cuddy. It’s all about how your physical posture actually can actually have an effect on your mental state and emotions (for better or worse).
Learning to have better posture is an ongoing practice but you can start by simply tuning in to where your body is right now. Are you hunched over? Are your arms crossed? These are postures that makes us smaller and that also ultimately makes us less confident in our actions. Try spreading yourself out. Take some deep stretches. Try to occupy your space and your body fully. You can even do the Superman pose! (It’s okay to wait till you’re alone in the bathroom for that one!)
Your body creates a feedback loop with your brain and taking a more confident stance is an easy way to hack yourself to feeling happier.
Extreme thoughts are rarely ever true…and rarely make us good! Thoughts like “just my luck”, “this always happens to me” or “that can’t ever be mine” are very black and white.
But life is not so black and white! It’s normal to have both ups and downs in life; focusing only on the negative things tends to make you forget about all the positive exceptions to the rule.
A great place to narrow in on this concept even more is through the work of Byron Katie. Katie created The Work as a mental framework to help manage stressful or difficult times.
It’s a simple four-step process:
Step 1: Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
Step 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
Step 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Step 4: Who would you be without the thought?
The Work helps you see the world without the lens of heavy emotion that we needlessly apply. So often we make issues out to mean a whole lot about us, when in reality they typically have very little to actually do with us! So the next time you notice yourself spinning into a negative thought process, try using The Tools to reframe it as something less emotional and more realistic.
Sometimes negative thoughts need a little extra kick in the pants before they leave the premises. So let’s get rid of them! If you’re being plagued by one specific negative thought, try writing it down and throwing it away. Or write it down and then burn the paper. (Always over the sink or somewhere else fireproof, obviously!)
If that all seems too extreme, do a visualization. Imagine the thought as a physical thing (like a little black cloud!) and picture it floating far far away from you. The point of this exercise is simply to put some physical distance between yourself from your thought so get creative and figure out a method that works for you.
Worry is just a negative meditation. When you worry, you’re actively visualizing the worst possible outcome of a situation. That requires putting real energy into that scenario. (Thoughts are things!)
Of course, being realistic and prepared for real life requires a little thinking about Plan B. But indulging yourself in hours and hours of worrying doesn’t actually do anything about the problem itself. Try to identify actual actionable steps you can take instead of catastrophizing.
Stopping the worry game won’t happen overnight. But the important thing is to simply minimize your worry. Start by giving yourself a deadline: I’ll spend twenty minutes today worrying about X, then I’ll move onto something else. Learning to manage the energy you put into worrying will make you a much happier (and more empowered) person overall.
It’s extra easy to fall into negative patterns when our own energy is low or we haven’t been taking the time to care for ourself. If you’re stressed, exhausted or burnt out, it’s necessary to carve out a little extra time for you. Try booking a massage, taking a Yin yoga class, drawing an Epsom salts bath or just talking a walk in nature. Self-care looks different for everyone but there will always be some care method that can fit into your busy schedule. Make yourself a priority! Your health and mental well-being is well-worth it. And when you own energy is happy and strong it’s a lot more difficult to become dragged down by little bumps in the road.
It’s normal to have anxiety or fear, especially about new situations in life. But that doesn’t mean you should avoid new situations or things that make you nervous! You can still perform those new experiences, even when you’re totally freaking out on the inside. (Not to mention most of the time, the world won’t even notice! Trust.)
So don’t let your mental state become a crutch for not living life the way you really want to! Fear is a normal part of life and it doesn’t magically disappear after we’ve hit a few major life goals. It’s something you’ll have to confront again and again over the years so learn to embrace it! While it’s totally okay to be scared, it’s definitely not okay to avoid life because of your fear.
Remember, happiness is all about perspective. We ultimately get to decide how we want to feel, no matter what our current situation might. An example I like use is celebrities. Since we live in such a celebrity-focused culture, I’m sure you can think of at least a handful of famous people that seem deeply unhappy. I don’t want to take pleasure in someone else’s pain but it’s just a good reminder that money and fame do not solve all problems. Happiness is a choice no matter where you are in life and banishing negative thoughts is an important part of that choice.
I hope these lessons help to bring your mind to a healthier and happier place. Please share this article if you found it useful & I’ll see you back here next week!
PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about 35 quick and easy self care practices or this one about how to get what you really want.
