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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Self Healing Tips For Manifesting Your Dream Life

How To Become Unfuckwithable

by: Jenn

How To Become Unfuckwithable

Want to become unfuckwithable? I mean who wouldn’t want this:

unfuckwithable:
Adj; To be above or beyond fuckwithability. Unable to be defeated; Invincible.

Be honest! Have you ever wondered what it would be like to:

  • …Feel totally in charge of your emotions?
  • …No longer be the victim of your “good days” and “bad days”?
  • …Experience a good mood that’s almost 100% bulletproof?

I know that might sound like a total fantasy right now–but it doesn’t have to be.

Becoming unfuckwithable is actually just one simple internal shift away.

Fact: it’s only when you’re fully in charge of your thoughts and emotions that you have actual control over your life.

There’s nothing anyone can do or say to bring you out of that place.

Good days and bad days simply no longer exist.


How To Become Unfuckwithable - to be above or beyond fuckwithability


Being unfuckwithable means that you are fully in charge of the way you feel and not living your life at the mercy of the people or things around you.



It’s the ultimate in conscious living–and unfortunately–it’s also the exact opposite from the way most of us live!

Most of us still have good days and bad days.

Our emotional state is absolutely defined by the random events and circumstances in our life.

Instead of consciously acting, our life becomes dictated the world around us and by our own reactions to it.

Here’s an example:

  • One day you go to Starbucks and the person in front of you has kindly paid for your drink. (Woohoo!) This makes you so happy that you go to work and decide to give your assistant a huge public thank you for a project they just completed. In fact, your entire day seems to float happily by with everyone around you in an incredibly jovial mood. You end your day by taking a brisk walk around your hood, feeling utterly grateful for your life.
  • The next day you go to Starbucks and the barista messes up your order–three times. This makes you late for work which stresses you out so much you’re “accidentally” extremely rude to the parking lot cashier. As soon as you sit down at your desk you start complaining bitterly to those around you. But that doesn’t help. In fact, you feel a dark cloud hanging around you for the rest of the day which seems to get worse and worse. By the end of the day, you crawl onto your sofa and order takeout.

We’d all prefer to live the Example A day, right? Well here’s the thing: there’s actually a problem with both scenarios. In each case, the core issue is exactly the same: allowing the random events of the world to completely affect your mood.

In both cases, the external environment ultimately dictated the rest of your day. So even though sometimes that works out okay, when your mood is ultimately in the hands of someone else, you lose control over your ability to be truly happy.

Living this way makes you a human ping pong ball: wildly flying from one emotion to the next, with no rhyme or reason.

It’s exhausting. It’s also erratic, uneven and will eventually result in you feeling completely stressed and out of control of your own life.

It’s definitely not a healthy way to live.

But life doesn’t have to be that way.

When you choose to consciously act instead of unconsciously react, your entire perspective shifts for the better.

You’re back in the driver seat of your own emotions. You get to decide how you feel.

It no longer matters what happens at Starbucks! Your mood is even and calm, no matter what, good or bad.

You’ll realize there’s actually no such thing as a good day or bad day–there’s only the day that you have chosen create.

Once you realize that, you’ll no longer want to live a life that’s not dictated by random events.

You’ll be able to take your real power back and choose your own happiness.

Sounds pretty good right? So today I’m sharing a few ways you can become unfuckwithable and shift out of unconscious reacting into conscious action:


How To Become Unfuckwithable – Start Acting Not Reacting


How To Become Unfuckwithable Step #1:

Take Control Of Your Bubble



Start thinking of your natural energy as a bubble that constantly surrounds you.

And the only thing that can let anything into that energy bubble is you. Your mind is the gatekeeper, the decider of what sticks and what doesn’t.

Without realizing it, we all pick and choose our battles. Literally thousands of events happen to us every week but we’re the ones who ultimately choose which events we allow to into our precious bubble (and under our skin).

When you run on autopilot, it might often feel like you have no choice but to get upset about the rude waiter, early bank closure or whatever other annoying event might happen upon you–but the truth is you always do.

We all have a natural tendency to assign a negative meaning to a neutral event. For example, that might mean we interpret the tailgater behind us as someone who’s picking on us deliberately–when in reality, it’s probably just a distracted driver!

However, all you need to do to avoid the knee-jerk negative reaction is to take that neutral event and assign a different meaning to it.

One awesome way to do this is by using Byron Katie’s The Work. Essentially, it includes just four basic questions that’ll help you “flip the script” on every negative thought you have:

The Four Questions:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
  3. How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

(Read more about Katie’s methods in her book Loving What Is )


How To Become Unfuckwithable Step #2:

Don’t Argue With What Is



Have you noticed? A whole lot of our own internal drama comes from us protesting things that have already happened.

When something unexpected happens in our world, we often experience an Expectation Hangover: meaning that we have a very hard time accepting that the world didn’t play out how we though it would.

But of course, no amount of protesting and complaining in the world can make the clocks rewind!

In other words, when you spend a ton of time crying about things in the past the only thing you’re actually accomplishing is wasting your precious energy.

(Not to mention replaying those events over and over in your mind makes your body react like the event is still happening, making you literally stressed out.)

Still, Expectation Hangovers are just a fact of life. When things don’t go our way or something totally unfair happens, we get upset and–goddamnit!–we really want to talk (vent/complaining) about it. We want to yell and scream and stomp about how unhappy we are even though there’s literally nothing that can be done to change things.

Again, we’re simply taking the world personally–even though 90% of the time, there’s nothing personal actually happening at all.

Think about it this way: complaining about the past is about as useful as getting angry about the fact that Mondays exist. They simply exist! Do we like them? For most people, the answer is no. But there are few people who’d bother to waste their energy by venting and screaming about it.

So get very clear on this: by the time someone has slighted you, it’s already in the past. There’s nothing you can do or say to get that moment in time back. The faster you can let it go, the faster you will feel better.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to become a doormat in the process. Sometimes getting an apology or getting someone to right a problem is totally warranted. But many times our intense desire to seek “justice” just makes the situation worse, by allowing to drag on much longer than necessary.


How To Become Unfuckwithable Step #3:

Stop Seeking External Validation



Far too many of us rely on the external world in order to feel good about ourselves. But this is just a trick of our own ego. When someone approves of us, it allows us to approve of ourselves. But what that’s really saying is that you value other people’s opinions above your own.

We’ve all been taught to value other people’s opinions–and to a certain degree, that’s not a bad thing. But when we start to value other people’s ideas over our own, then we lose control of our own happiness.

Again, this is just an attempt to rely on the world around us to feel a certain way–an attempt that will always fall flat in the end.

Anytime we give our own power away like this, we lose control of our own narrative.

Because of course when the source of the validation disappears, so do our feel-good feelings.

The only real antidote to seeking validation is to cultivate true self-love. When you have full confidence in yourself and your own value, you’ll no longer need to bolster your self-esteem through compliments, awards, relationships or even material goods. You’ll be able to stand confidently all on your own. (Which is soooo unfuckwithable!)

Loving ourselves for who we are might be difficult at first but it’s your most important mission in this life. If you can’t fully accept yourself, you’ll never find true happiness, even if you have fame and billions in your bank account. You’ll constantly be seeking something that will make you feel better but that only ever provides a temporary fix.


Become Unfuckwithable Step #4:

Recognize What’s Out Of Your Control



Repeat after me: other people’s shit does not have to become your shit.

You might be a beautiful, glowing beacon of awesomeness in this world but it’s not your job to make everyone see the light.

You simply cannot control what people think or how they behave.

But you always have control over how you view yourself, how you view the world and how you act.

For example, when someone treats you poorly, you must remember that those actions are on them. You get to decide what to do with it and how to react to it. But that’s it. You never get to control their part of the equation.

At times, we fool ourselves into thinking that if we’re just nice enough or loud enough (or whatever enough, then the people in our world will think, say and do what we want them to. But in the end this is an impossible game. You can do everything in your power to make this happen and will still fail at some point. So don’t wear yourself out trying.

It’s a just fact of life: people are going to occasionally let you down, hurt you or even betray you–but you must realize that’s a reflection of them, not of you.

Instead of letting it get to you, pull back and concentrate on the stuff you can control: your own thoughts, feelings and actions.


Become Unfuckwithable Step #5:

Let It Go



Learning to let things go is a super-power all its own. But unfortunately, this level of becoming unfuckwithable usually does not happen over night! Those temporary bouts of rage or irritation will continue to rear their ugly heads from time to time, even as you begin to train yourself to become stronger and more powerful.

In other words, negative reactions will happen. So be gentle with yourself when they do!
When you start to go into reaction mode, take a deep breath and try to at least hold back your outer reaction. (In other words, don’t be tempted to lash back! That usually only makes things worse and doesn’t reflect your true intentions.)

With that being said, it’s definitely okay to feel your feelings! Acknowledge them for what they are but also try to realize what has triggered you. Everything is here to teach us something but there’s no need to hold on after you’ve learned the lesson.

Once you’ve felt the feelings for a while, then it’s time to let it go. This is the best thing no matter what the situation might be. You’re no longer escalating the situation and bringing that negative reaction into the rest of your day.

Trust me–this process gets easier over time! And sometimes it just happens naturally.

For example, I used to drive regularly and I used get very upset about things like traffic, erratic drivers etc. I experienced road rage and it made the driving experience extremely stressful! But of course at the time, I didn’t attribute any of that to me. I felt like I was a victim of the drivers around me.

Fast forward to a few years later: I got a new car after not driving for a few years and with it came a surprisingly zen attitude towards driving. Suddenly all that road rage-y stuff no longer bothered me! If someone cut me off, it still sucked but I no longer took it so personally. It didn’t require me swearing or venting and it certainly wasn’t worth mentioning to my partner when I came home at night.

The only thing that really changed in that time was my attitude. The drivers and traffic were always about the same. I was simply no longer letting all of that stuff into my bubble. So miraculously, driving was no longer a stressful experience!

My experience wasn’t a conscious choice; it just happened over time. But it’s still a great way to illustrate how our own attitude creates our energy–and in turn our reality.




Ready to go from thinking about your dreams to actually making them happen? Check out my Manifestation Journaling Masterclass & get the scoop on the EXACT method I use to manifest daily!




So tell me: which tip are you going to use to become unfuckwithable? Which area do you need the most help letting go and staying strong?



Remember: you have the power to shift from unconscious living into conscious living at any time you like! If you’re tired of feeling like a victim, then today’s a pretty damn good day to begin to become totally unfuckwithable.

I hope this post serves you! If you loved it, please remember to share it.

As always, thanks so much for being here beautiful soul!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life


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About Jenn

Hey there Goalgetter! I'm Jenn - Bestselling Author of The Mindful Witch | Healer + Coach and I teach modern manifestation techniques that actually work. (No spiritual bypassing BS!)

You were born wildly deserving of your dream life! But your old programming and limitations in your subconscious mind are stopping you from seeing that. Let's heal your beliefs, rewrite your story, and start creating everything you want from the inside out!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Be says

    I had been at a job for seven years. About five years into it I was fed up with 2 people always doing things to me at work that was unprofessional. I would talk myself out of quitting all the time. Finally after seven years I totally lost control of myself. I couldn’t believe that I let these 2 people make me feel bad about myself. I put in my notice because I felt I needed to leave on good terms rather than bad. I have now been off work going on my sixth month. We have managed to make it work. But I had a lot of self healing to do. I’m doing much better but still have some work to do. I wish I would have seen this sooner. Thank you it helped a lot.

  3. Vijaya says

    Hello jen 🙂
    I just wanted to thank you for writing these articles.

    I have been following your blog since long and it always helped me in so many ways.

    Please always keep writing.
    You are a saviour.

    Thank you.

  5. Dar says

    Thank you, Jenn. I have recently begun this shift and your “unfuckwithable” article has confirmed I am on the right path. Feeling the light! Thanks again ⭐

  8. Danielle says

    This is so awesome and just what I needed to hear. It’s crazy because me and my counseler have been going over this in a nutshell to work on me and my boundaries and my empathy that allows others emotions dictate my own. Very well said Jen !

  12. Varun says

    Hi jenn . It is an amazing article . Respond to situation rather than reacting to the situation.

    How can i contact you jenn?

  13. Ritesh says

    Thank you jen!!!
    This made my day and would definitely transform my attitude going forward.
    Wish I had read this much before although I am just 26 now. Never too late.

  14. KK says

    Love (and needed) this article. I am adopting your “act not react” policy TODAY! I also ordered the suggested Byron Katie book from my library. Thank you, Jenn.

  15. Roger says

    Hi Jenn, what great reading. I must be doing something right. I really don’t let traffic get to me,. Rarely do I blow the horn can’t let people define or dictate your day. Only did I have to hone those skills within recent years at work with different situations and people trying to engage me in order for management to discipline me or terminate me. Almost comical when I would give the opposite reaction people expect .i truly amazing myself, not saying that it’s still not a work in progress, you have to practice it daily with everyone. It is peace of mind. Practice daily acts of kindness. 2,3, or 4 simple as holding that door for that elderly person who is more than a few steps away. Sometimes you might ask yourself what may be going on in that persons life , so you offer up a smile or an act of kindness. Not a very religious man ,while I do believe their is a higher being, to have put all of this together. As i pray ea. Day I always ask that, as I walk through the valley of hate and meaness allow me to always give a smile and to be kind! Practice it, it will become second nature . Thanks, Roger

  16. Leaves says

    I’m in a job where over time my bullyinh boss has made me feel like crap. She’s pressured me so tha either I leave or stay and she’ll terminate me. I’ve been so upset about it. I’ve decided to leave and take some time to breathe. Mainly because I need to become unduckwithable!! Thank you so much for this article. I need to read it often!

  23. Dee says

    Just what a needed to hear this morning in the grey skies all out of my control and I’m not going to stress about it.

  24. hanafimuhamads says

    Hello Jenn,

    Such a amazing article, just what i need. This could totally change my life, Thank you so much

  26. Kunal Chhetri says

    This is probably the best thing I have read over the internet this week. I wish I have come across this article before.Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  27. Nurain says

    Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Its such an inspiration. I already started feeling strong and confident. My story is so sad and so long that u cannot say it here. I must say every word and every sentence has left a positive affect on me. Thanks so much once again.

  30. Sandra says

    I try to keep fitting in and forgetting myself. Always blaming myself when I know other people just view things differently than me. Trying to find different work is hard but it is getting hard to not be allowed to be yourself.

    • Jenn says

      Yes it can be very hard when you don’t feel like yourself! But keep practicing. It gets easier over time! Good luck ????

  31. Ronz says

    Hi Jenn,
    Thank you for this kind of article. The word “unfuckwithable” caught my attention and that encourage me to read your article. Just a good timing because my friend is suffering to this kind of situation. She cant control her mind. This is a good idea to share with her your good advice. Thank you. It helps me also to realign my way of thinking.
    Yes please keep writing good article and let your readers be more inspired. Thank you and God bless you. More power.

  32. Carly says

    What an awesome article, I loved it! I just really love your writing style. I am going to adopt some of the things you are doing in your format because they are very attention-grabbing

  35. अनादि द्विवेदी says

    धन्यवाद आपका।।। जयश्रीराधेकृष्ण

  36. Rhiannon Day says

    I love this article so much. I have known about 100% responsibility for years: but I forgot a missing ingredient: the unfuckwithable part! A big part of it was steeped in not being assertive and setting boundaries because I was afraid of upsetting somebody. Once I started to take back my power and un-learn the concept of being responsible for others’ happiness, everything changed. However, like you said, it is a journey that’s still unfolding before me. I really love the idea of Byron Katie’s questions. Fantastic perspective shifters!

  37. Steph says

    Good article. Update the grammatical errors and will be even better!

    This has inspired me to keep trying. Thank you x

    • Jenn says

      Hi Roberta! I have definitely dealt with narcissism on a personal level. I’m definitely not the expert though. It took me a LOT of healing to deal with it. But I do recommend Terri Cole for this, as she has a bunch of teachings on YouTube that I found very enlightening. Good luck! ????

  40. Chris Johnson says

    Hi Jenn, I had a situation with an ex gf of mine. She reached out to my family, friends, and even my job after we broke up. I lost some friends and my sister turned against me. When the light finally came out, they tried to apologize. In the end, I forgave them all because of what you said, Its a reflection of who they are, not me. Thanks so much for this. I just became Unf*ckwithable.

  41. Izzy says

    Dear Jen,
    I just read the blog. After constant wondering and feeling upset, I needed a change.
    My attitude and choices. I will start with your mind-set-tips.
    I hope and will work for it, that my desires will no longer be the captains of my luck and happiness.
    After so many wrong love choices, I never felt so unloved as I do now.
    So, Thank you for your posts!
    Kind regards, Isa

  42. Anugya says

    Hi Jenn,
    Thx a lot,I was just meddling with all the bad happened to me in past,and knew rethinking it ,was only making me more furious….Dont know what to do but your article calmed me down and pushed me in positive directions….thx a lot agai

  43. Sarika says

    Thanks for reminding it . Actually, we all realize it internally. But acting upon it become really a difficult task. BTW, you are great, ma’am.