woman in field with text How To Unf*ck Your Life

How To Unfuck Your Life! 10 Easy Steps To Get Started

Want to know how to unfuck your life?

Perhaps you’re feeling stuck or repeating the same negative patterns over and over again.

Or maybe you’re looking at all those smiling faces on Instagram and feeling like there’s something deeply wrong with who you are or where you’re at.

As I always say, when nothing changes, nothing changes.

The reason it’s so hard to fix feeling like this is because it’s honestly hard AF to actually change our lives.

But if you wake up tomorrow and think the same thoughts and do the same things you’ve always done, you’d better believe that you’re going to keep living the exact same life.

But if you’re ready for something more, then you can take action starting right now to change all of that.

While there are so many ways to do this, I wanted to create a quick guide to get you off on the right foot.

How To Unf*ck Your Life! 10 Easy Steps To Get Started

How To Unf*ck Your Life Step #1:

Manage Your Thoughts

The number one tool that has trained my life so drastically was learning how to self-coach and manage my own thoughts.

Thoughts really are where everything begins! If you’re having low-grade straight-up shitty thoughts about yourself, you’d better believe that translates into your energy, actions, confidence, and results.

Most of the world has a very passive relationship to our thoughts. We don’t realize how that negative soundtrack in our mind really is ours to heal and shift.

When you figure out how to do this, you stop being a helpless victim, Ping Pong-ing your way through life.

Here’s how that goes:

Something “bad” or unexpected happens.

You get angry or upset.

You try to control that situation or person. (Or you rant about this injustice to anyone that will listen for the next month.)

You hope that it won’t happen again and start to feel better.

It happens again (or something else happens) and you go right back to feeling angry or upset.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat forever!

Fortunately, life does not have to be this way. And when you learn how to stop being so reactive, that’s when you get real control over your reality.

Want to get started? I teach you how to do this inside the Self-Coaching module inside Recode!

How To Unf*ck Your Life Step #2:

Throw Out Your To-Do List

Sound crazy? Not at all my friend! In fact, discovering this tip is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

Here’s the thing with the To-Do List: it has the potential to just keep growing. You can just keep adding to it while crossing off a thing here or there. That optical illusion can make you feel deeply behind and unaccomplished.

And if you’re at all like me, cue the internal freak out about just not being productive enough, despite the fact that I’m working all the time and exhausted.

What works instead? Planning out your week! Yup, exchange your To-Do list for your planner. This sounds weird at first but it really does work and here’s the magical reason why:

Once you plan out what you have to do, all you have to do is (you know!) actually show up and do what you need to.

No more deliberating about what task is more important. No more losing track of time and spending hours on something that’s not important. You just do what you need to do and it all gets done.

Now imagine that!

Want more? I’ll be teaching more about how to do this inside Recode in January!

How To Unf*ck Your Life Step #3:

Regularly Set Your Goals (& Notice When You’re Not Achieving Them)

Are you a regular goal-setter? Truth is, as much as I’m all about that life today, that wasn’t always the case.

I definitely did not always think of myself as a magical being capable of incredible things! In fact, I spent a lot of life playing the wallflower–and that translated over to what I even thought was possible for myself.

There are a lot of reasons for that but I’ve done a lot of work to change that. So while setting goals used to freak me right out (the possibility of failure! Eeeek!), today they’re part of my daily life.

I set goals for work but also my personal life. One thing I like to do is set new intentions for every new moon. Then I have 28 days to see what comes up and notice what isn’t working so I can do it all over again.

If you want to get inspired to set goals by the lunar calendar along with me, then you’ll wanna go grab your copy of Moon Magick!

How To Unf*ck Your Life Step #4:

Draw Those Boundaries

Creating a life that you’re wildly obsessed with is not just about adding in juicy new stuff (like the sexy man, stacked wardrobe, etc.).

It’s also about removing what’s not working.

Here’s an example:

For most of us, it’s not like we consciously chose to let in the Negative Nelly friend (or the one who’s always late or flakes on you last minute, etc.).

We liked that person. We created a connection and we gave the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it’s only months or years later that we realize that we’ve either grown or that this person was never a great addition to our life in the first place.

Taking a passive approach and hoping they’ll just disappear is not helping matters! It’s ultimately up to you to not only notice what isn’t working (ie. feeling drained, used, etc.) and then taking action to limit or remove that element from your life.

How To Unf*ck Your Life Step #5:

Marie Kondo It

Did you know this site started off as me talking about the incredible healing power of your home?

I’m still a firm believer in this! (And that’s why I still adore Marie Kondo!)

Look at it like this:

Your thoughts create your space (just like anything else).

That could translate as: “This apartment is too small but I’m afraid to pay more rent.” Or “Here’s a bunch of stuff I’ll deal with someday.”

Problem is, this then becomes a vicious cycle: You (consciously or not) create a space that doesn’t reflect what you really want in life. Then you go and spend most of your life in that space, which reinforces this negative messaging.

Don’t get it twisted! This isn’t to say you need to live in a beachfront mansion to be fully self-actualized.

But taking proactive care of your space is a radical form of self-love.

You deserve clean sheets and an overall sense of calm. Not the overarching dread that piles of clutter or boxes you’ve been meaning to sort through for three years can bring!

Think about it this way: your home (or room) is a blank canvas for you to decorate and design as you see fit. So much of the rest of the world is truly out of our hands! So practice taking ownership. Practice home care as self-love and just watch as the results trickle over into the rest of your life.

(And yes, of course, there’s a whole course on Conscious Design inside Recode! So if this is getting your juices flowing be sure to come and join me over there!)

How To Unf*ck Your Life Step #6:

Unsubscribe, Delete, Block

On a similar note as boundaries and Marie Kondo-ing, please know this: what’s not useful in your life is only dragging you down.

Our digital life is just as worth a cleanse as everything else!

How many high school friends do you see ranting about Trump on Facebook? How many “thought leaders” do you supposedly follow that you can’t actually stand watching in their stories? How many ex-boyfriends, friends, co-workers are cluttering up your feeds?

I know people get all in their feelings about this but honestly, this is one of the best places to practice self-care. Mute, delete, block, unfollow! There are so many ways to make your digital life easier to manage but it’s up to you to actually get around to doing that.

How To Unf*ck Your Life Step #7:

Get Grateful

I know that a “gratitude practice” might sound like the crazy kind of Woo Woo shit you’d way rather make fun of than actually apply to your life.

But there’s a perfectly rational reason why gratitude is so important–that is, if you’re at all serious about feeling happy and fulfilled in life.

No matter how much money you make, no matter how great your partner is, if you don’t create gratitude for what you have, you’ll never be happy.

We’re so programmed to push push push our way forward in life that sometimes we fail to notice just how far we’ve already come.

But if you’re always focused on what you’re lacking, you’ll never appreciate what you already have. And you will doom yourself to feeling inadequate and unfulfilled forever.

You might think that gratitude will just happen. But that’s simply not the case! It’s something you have to practice. You have to choose it and welcome it into your life or it will continue to elude you.

My best advice? Start right now. Name three things you’re truly grateful for, even if it’s just the cold glass of water on your desk. What you’re grateful for doesn’t actually matter! It’s the practice that counts. And I promise that if you make this a regular practice, it will transform your whole life.

How To Unfuck Your Life Step #8:

Stack Your Life With The Right People

No, that doesn’t mean going out and finding a billionaire boyfriend.

What I mean is figuring out what you want in life and making sure you have people around that reflect that.

While I’m not a polyamorous person, the one thing I believe that particular community has really figured out is the fact that it’s stupid to expect one person to fulfill all your needs.

Your partner is not here to make you happy 24/7. And it’s actually a good thing to have different interests and friend groups!

In my life, I have my Heart To Heart Friends, my Art Friends, and my Music & Dancing Friends. And of course, there’s overlap between them.

But I know exactly where to go when I’m craving something in particular, which is especially great for an energetic Manifesting Generator with a ton of interests like myself.

It only makes me miserable when I expect everyone to do all the things with me. And makes them miserable too! (This is especially important in romantic relationships!)

So I challenge you to take the same approach:

Maybe you need some yoga friends. Book club friends. Mom friends. Entrepreneur friends!

And while we’re at it, maybe it’s time to stop asking your husband to join you on your art gallery visits, where he spends half the time stifling his yawns.

It’s actually a win for everyone because you get to enjoy others in what they enjoy the most. This ultimately keeps everyone way happier and free from resentment.

Yes, building out the right support system can take some time! So think of it as a long-term project.

How To Unfuck Your Life Step #9:

Stop Resisting Reality

“Can you BELIEVE that X said/did that??”

Be honest: when something goes supremely sideways, how do you react?

Listen, my dear, I’m going to say this with love:

Resisting reality is a big waste of your precious time and energy.

Here’s the thing: we can’t control everything in life. But we can control our reactions to it.

Being annoyed or angry or whatever is fine. Feeling your feelings is normal!

But there’s a limit. All too often it’s our shitty attitude to life that makes the whole thing worse.

When we feel wronged, sometimes we want the whole world to know. We take our crappy workday home with us and let it stink up our home life too.

Or we call up our five closest girlfriends to repeat our angry rant, over and over again.

A little of this is fine of course. But when it becomes the breakup that you just can’t let go of, then it’s time to change.

The question to ask yourself is always this: Since the past is already over, what can I do from here?

Endlessly complaining or ranting and raving isn’t going to change a damn thing. It’s simply your job to take this new knowledge and synthesize it as best you can. Turning it into an endless saga and requiring hours of “help” from your friends is only keeping you trapped in that anger or sadness longer than you need to.

I know it’s way more fun and easy to play the victim and cry on everyone’s shoulders.

But your ability to accept, surrender and just move the f*ck on is honestly one of the best life skills you can create for your overall happiness and mental health.

How To Unfuck Your Life Step #10:

Splurge A Little

What’s life without a little pure enjoyment? We’re spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. But why not lean into that physical joy?

Puritanical Western culture has taught us that we have to earn our joy. That seeking pleasure for pleasure’s sake is somehow immoral or lazy or wrong.

If that resonates at all with you, then I encourage you to create your own Pursuit Of Pleasure Project.

Where can you add that little extra bit of joy to your world? Expensive face cream? Fresh flowers every week? Taking yourself out for a fancy cocktail just because?

We often self-judge or tell ourselves we can’t because we have to watch our money, or our waistline. Or we think “What a waste of money!”

Of course, only pursuing fleeting pleasure can become toxic. (Too much of anything becomes poison!) However, most of us don’t even indulge just a little–which means there’s not exactly a huge chance of going overboard with this!

Keep in mind that the pursuit of joy and pleasure can be a divine act of self-love.

How can you truly love yourself? Honor yourself? Provide the radical act of pleasure to yourself…just because?

So tell me: what’s your plan to unfuck your life? Which step are you going to implement first?

Go easy on yourself and do not expect miracle results overnight! Just understand that deep growth takes time. That will require you waking up every day and actually committing to going through life in a different way. While no one can do this work for you, it’s far from impossible! So make a promise to yourself right now that you’re going to change and be sure to follow through!

And be sure to bookmark, pin, or share this post if you need to get inspired again in the future!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life

PS – Read this next: How To Become Unfuckwithable

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