A few weeks ago I wrote a post which was all about overcoming the most common blocks around manifesting money.
And you guys seemed to love it! So much so in fact, that few people wrote in to ask if I could do a similar one about love.
Which only makes sense since the two most popular topic requests I get are love and money.
We’re all programmed to want love. Without even trying, we get obsessed with it. We crave it and when we don’t have it, it’s all too easy to get consumed by finding it.
Part of the answer is of course our own blocks about love. The deeply held limiting beliefs we hold can secretly trip us up and sabotage our own best efforts.
This is exactly why doing the inner work is always an important part of manifestation. When we don’t do the work, we’ll just keep repeating our same old broken patterns.
While this guide is an excellent jumping off point, just remember that real shadow work will take much more than just a single post to truly achieve. But this is the journey of a lifetime: we’re constantly going to be uncovering limiting beliefs, behavioral patterns or other things that keep us stuck.
Awareness is always the first step! So I hope that this quick guide to love blocks will help to shed some light on where you might be feeling stuck around love.
5 Most Common Blocks To Manifest Love
Common Love Block #1:
Feeling unlovable or undeserving of love is the Number One culprit in preventing a true loving partnership from manifesting.
Here’s what this type of limiting belief can sound like: “No one can love the real me!” “If I show someone who I really am, they’ll never stick around.” “Why would she even be interested in someone like me?”
In reality, you do NOT have to be perfect to deserve love! There are loads of imperfect people out there in relationships. If this line of reasoning was true, only Beyonce would be the only married person in the world!
(Just kidding of course! She’s not perfect either. ???? )
The real problem with this block is that we often don’t even admit what the problem actually is. Instead, we try hard to overcome it by pretending really hard to be perfect. (“If I can hide my flaws or become the perfect partner, then maybe this person will love me!”)
However, you can’t pretend to be someone else forever! If that sounds exhausting, it’s because it is. If you enter a relationship pretending to be happy and perky (when you’re usually not so much), then one day the mask will come off and your partner will be left wondering where “the real you” went.
The only cure to feeling deeply unlovable is to shift into radical self-acceptance. That means getting cozy with you TRUTH: your past, your body, your mistakes, your imperfections. Your whole glorious enchilada needs a boost!
One of the most popular self-help exercises of all time is the I Love You exercise. To do this, stand in front of a mirror and really take a moment to see yourself. (In other words, this isn’t the time to think about plucking those eyebrows!) Keep looking straight into your eyes and say the words out loud: I love you.
(For bonus point, do this in front a full-length mirror–naked!)
This exercise is TOUGH for most of us! Because let’s face it, (ha!) we’re used to looking into the mirrors to see what needs to be fixed–so we can fix it and get back to being “lovable” again.
We’re used to looking for cowlicks, new zits, cellulite, weird hairs, skin that’s too white, legs that are too skinny/fat/muscular. We’re not used to thinking anything particularly nice about ourselves much less something as radical as “I love you”.
But the person you find staring back at you is about so much more than the physical body. These meat suits are just temporary! No matter what you see, the bottom line is that you are deserving of LOVE–from yourself and from others.
Common Love Block #2:
I Don’t Want To Get Hurt
The fear of getting hurt often gets in the way of us manifesting love. However, if you’re serious about finding love, there’s really no way around this one. There’s always certain amount of risk in getting close to someone, whether that’s a romantic relationship or even a friendship. Fundamentally, if you open up your heart to someone you’re also taking the risk that person can hurt you.
This fear almost always stems out of past hurt (or from witnessing someone else’s past hurt!). Becoming aware of the risk we are taking makes it more difficult to take the jump! But letting the past affect our future is not an empowered way to go for life.
There’s never a guarantee that someone will love you (or even like you!) forever. And there’s no guarantee that someone will keep your secrets safe, tell you the truth and treat you like gold 100% of the time.
(And no, not even wedding vows are guarantees!)
When we open the doors to feel something wonderful, there’s always a chance that we’ll eventually feel something not so wonderful too. But the only other option is not feeling anything at all. So please just remember that you will be always okay, despite that fact! And if you want to find true love, you must become willing to take that chance.
It’s important to realize the truth here: no one can hurt you except you! Yes, other people can disappoint you or betray you. But the reason we feel hurt is because we allow that stuff to mean something about ourselves.
For example, it’s common to make something like cheating mean something about us (like we’re unlovable or broken) But those are just our inner reflections–not the truth. In reality, it probably had little to do with you and a lot to do with your ex-partner.
Maybe you’re just dating someone who’s emotionally stunted and would rather cheat on you than step up and admit that they’ve checked out. Or maybe they’re not the relationship type at all! But whatever the real reason might be, make no mistake that it’s their shit to deal with. It’s not a reflection on you, no matter how shitty it feels at the time.
(Note: it’s a whole lot easier to see this truth after some time has passed from the initial hurt!)
However, being dumped (or betrayed etc.) isn’t the only thing that hurts. Loneliness, self-hatred and self-punishment also feel pretty icky. If you’re just exchanging one pain for another, then you might as well go all in on what you really want.
Common Love Block #3:
I’m Afraid Of Being Vulnerable
Finding a romantic relationship always involves opening up and showing your true colors. While vulnerability can be terrifying, it’s also a necessary element of intimacy.
When it comes to romantic relationships, the thing we all crave the most is intimacy. We want someone to really see us for who we are.
It just feels so damn good when that happens! You don’t have to pretend to be anyone or to worry that you’ll scare someone away.
If you’re craving romantic love, it’s important to realize that much of you’re actually craving is intimacy. You just can’t get that kind of connection without it!
However, many of us still put on a mask and pretend to be something that we’re not (happier, smarter, perkier, funnier, whatever!). But every time you put on the mask you’re blocking any chance of really being seen and accepted by the one you love.
The big realization here is that only YOU have the power to free yourself from this scenario! You can keep craving that intimacy and trust forever (alone) or you can decide to take a chance now and again on a (worthy) person who might just be able to return the favor.
We never get the reward without the risk! Allowing someone to really see you requires actually putting yourself out there.
The world we live in is simply a mirror to our inner world! The love and acceptance you crave truly begins within you! Start giving that unconditional love and acceptance to the people in your world. Stop judging and with-holding and watch how people respond to you! Releasing that shame makes you magnetic.
We all love and crave authenticity and you will be rewarded when you’re brave enough to offer it yourself.
Common Love Block #4:
Hello abandonment issues! Getting dumped is no picnic. Yet it’s also a universal experience. If you’ve been broken-hearted in the past (as we all have) then you might be at risk of blocking yourself from receiving love because you’re too obsessed by the idea that it will happen again.
I dated a guy once who repeatedly asked “How do I know you’re not going to leave me?” It kind of baffled me at the time. I mean, what do I have to give you for proof? A child? A ring? A contract written in blood? We’d not even said “I love you” yet! And in the end, we never did. I didn’t like the paranoia and few people would.
Of course, the fear of being dumped or being left broken-hearted is extremely common. (Just look at those words. You can feel the emotional violence in almost every description of a breakup.) And of course, rejection never feels great. So how do you get over this fear and open yourself up to the possibility of love?
First off, let’s try to rid ourselves of the idea of abandonment altogether. I’m a firm believer in the saying “what’s meant for you will not pass you by”. Which means that sometimes things are just not meant to be–and that’s okay.
Personally, I’d much rather be in a relationship of two happy and invested people, than one happy and invested person and one with their foot out the door. So don’t think of this as abandonment!
Some relationships are simply meant to expire when the two people in it have done all they can do. Staying in it past the due date doesn’t doing anyone any favors! We might not like being broken up with but the truth is that sometimes it’s the best thing for everyone in the end.
Just, love still does bloom–and often! It is still 100% possible to find relationships that are committed for the long haul. If your subconscious doesn’t believe this is a real possibility anymore, then start spending time or mental energy with people that have made this happen.
The fear of abandonment does NOT have to be a life sentence to loneliness! But it’s up to you to do the work to shift it.
Common Love Block #5:
There Aren’t Any Good Ones
You’ve definitely heard this one before:
“Why should I even bother trying to finding a date when there aren’t any good ones left?”
“All the good ones are married or gay.”
“The men/women in this city just don’t commit.”
Maybe it’s just the fault of your geographic location or social circle. Or maybe we can blame the whole mess directly on Tinder.
This block seems so very real at times! But it’s important to remember that we’re always creating our own reality.
The first step is to admit that the world around you isn’t really the problem. It’s really your thinking that’s the issue. So now it’s time to think about whether the thought “There aren’t any good ones” is serving your higher purpose or not.
Because if you keep saying that, your brain will keep looking for evidence to back that up–and you’ll keep finding it! It becomes a very difficult cycle to break.
When you’re busy sticking to your story that there’s no one worthy of meeting, then your radar will always be off. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and if you’re ready to manifest love, it’s time to bust through it.
So let’s start simply by widening your net! It’s time to remember that we live in a universe of infinite possibility! And in reality, there are hundreds or thousands of people moving through your orbit on a regular basis. Surely not all of them are totally undesirable?
Meeting new people is about more than just going to bars. New people are absolutely everywhere, if you’re willing to see them. What about at the grocery store? On the train? In the lobby of your building? Now’s the time to get out of your comfort zone and strike up some conversations with random strangers.
However, don’t make this act purely about dating. That puts entirely too much pressure on each experience.
The idea is to just make some casual connections and see what happens. If you just start talking to people without expectations (or meeting ones from Tinder for a coffee), then you might just unearth a few gems. Even if it doesn’t blossom into romance, you’ll still be reminded that there tons of amazing people out there! And many of those people are worthwhile, quality people who are also looking for love.
The most important thing to remember when you’re manifesting love is that a relationship is not a cure-all for all your problems. There are too many people out there thinking that if only they had a boyfriend or girlfriend, they wouldn’t feel lonely anymore. But every close relationship will just mirror back all the problems that were already there to begin with. Love is not a cure-all; it’s actually one of our most difficult spiritual assignments.
Again, love might be tough. It might be hard to find. It might even be chaotic at times! But you are still worth it and your dreams of love are worth pursuing! Good luck with this grand adventure.
Wishing you all the ????,