Radical Honesty: 6 Ways To Tell The Truth
I definitely think of myself as a truthful person. But recently I read the book Radical Honesty and it got me thinking a lot about truth.
Culturally, we place a high value on truth as a concept.
But in practice? We’re actually not that great at it.
Examples:
- Keeping your mouth shut about a hot topic because you don’t want to offend anyone
- Saying yes when you really want to say no
- People pleasing because you’re afraid people won’t like you if you don’t
- Showing up in a new romantic relationship as a slightly different version of you because you’re worried the real you won’t be lovable
All of these signs that we are lying, to ourselves or to the world. Which is the very opposite of living in your authentic power.
It’s one thing to tell your friend you love their new shoes when you really don’t. It’s entirely another to bury or change who you are.
When we lie to ourselves, we create a major roadblock to our own happiness.
After all, if you don’t own where you’re really at or what you really want, will you even know what makes you genuinely happy?
When we lie to others, we swap the short-term discomfort of telling the truth for the long much-more-painful discomfort of not getting to be who we really are.
While that all makes sense on paper, lying is something we all do. And we’ve gotten so damn good at it that we might not even notice when we’re doing it anymore.
But from the very first time you told your mom it was your sister who at all the ice cream and not you, you began your career as a Serial Liar Pants.
And every time we “got away with it” we created a bit more evidence that many times in life, lying is the answer.
Telling the truth is not only radical honesty–it’s an act of bravery. Being authentic creates more magnetism in your life, always. And embracing honesty has the power to change the entire course of your life.
Today I’m giving you this quick guide about six different ways to start powerfully choosing radical honesty and telling the truth in your life right now.
Radical Honesty: 6 Ways To Tell The Truth
Practice Radical Honesty #1: The Truth Of Who You Are
Showing up as the person we really are is important for our own happiness. We all deeply crave acceptance. So when we pretend to be someone else, we also block our ability to receive the very thing we desire the most.
And because of that, we will never feel that sense of love or security.
We all wear masks. We show up as one person with our parents, another with our partner, etc. Most of the time, that’s just normal. We don’t want to talk about the Kardashians with our parents, for example!
However, when there’s a “real us” that only a few people in the world see, then things become problematic.
For example, pretending to be the perfect daughter.
This one is really common. However, no one is actually perfect! If you’re stuck in this box, you’ve “saved” yourself from your parents’ disappointment or wrath.
However, you’ve also prevented them from being able to love and accept the real you. And that’s just as painful–if not more so.
Practice Radical Honesty #2: The Truth Of What You Want
Your desires are not greedy, selfish, or over-the-top, no matter what you were told in your past.
Your desires are actually part of your unique soul DNA. They’re here to help guide you forth into your unique life mission. (Note: I am talking about true desire here not fleeting temporary pleasure.)
When you learned how to edit down or ignore what you really want, you also lost a part of who you really are.
This may even have happened so long ago, that you don’t even remember what those desires used to be.
Desire is not a dirty word. It’s simply a motivational force.
Conversely, desire is not a guarantee either. You won’t get everything you desire. But you will grow from the experience! Following our true desires forms a pathway to new opportunities and ideas.
When we walk through that door, we grow–and when we grow, then new opportunities and desires automatically spring up on the other side.
When you refuse to walk through the door, then none of that beautiful life alchemy can happen.
Practice Radical Honesty #3: The Truth Of Your Experience
Your past is a completely unique experience. It doesn’t matter what other people think or that you “shouldn’t” have felt certain things. You did and it’s important that you own that experience, whatever that might mean. (Because pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t actually heal anything!)
That doesn’t mean broadcasting every detail online or even necessarily going back to tell people what your experience was. But it’s crucial to be truthful with yourself about what happened to you, both good and bad.
It doesn’t matter what happened: how old you were, how tired your parents were at the time, how “it was just an overreaction” or whatever else you might have heard to minimize the experience.
Your childhood experience (mentally and emotionally) was valid. You weren’t wrong for experiencing what you felt or did, even if no one else understands it or experienced it along with you.
Again, if you deny your past, you deny your truth. And in denying it, you also prevent yourself from being able to fully heal from that experience.
Denial just teaches you how to feel numb–not happy. The only thing that will heal you is owning it, feeling it, and then releasing it.
Practice Radical Honesty #4: The Truth Of Your Anger
Who or what are you angry at? Right now? In your past? In your childhood?
Did you ever get to express that anger? Did you learn how to express anger at all?
Anger is the one emotion that we’re told is not okay. Men are allowed to experience it (while they’re rarely allowed to experience any other emotion). But women aren’t permitted to be angry at all.
Neither men nor women are taught what to do with that anger. Nope! You’re supposed to repress it, hide it, push it down. If you have an angry outburst, people will see you as having lost control.
But what if you could express that anger without yelling, namecalling, punching walls, etc.?
This is simple really–even though few of us know how to do it:
Express your anger (and let yourself feel it) to the person who needs to hear it.
Expressing your anger about your husband to your best friend might feel like a release when you’re in the moment, but it will never take the original problem away.
The big issue here is that it’s not socially acceptable to be angry–even though anger is a normal human emotion. Our fear of anger grew because we simply don’t have enough practice with it.
Of course, it’s possible to be angry without yelling, name-calling, or physical violence. But often we won’t let ourselves go there because we secretly fear “going off the rails”.
Now consider this: what if you could just feel the anger in your body in a safe way? What if you could just say what you need to say, then let it all go? What if you could look at anger as just another fleeting emotion, that will rise up and leave your body within 90 seconds if you just allowed it to?
Your anger does not ever have to overwhelm you–I promise. And if you start telling the truth about when you feel angry, you might just learn that for yourself.
Practice Radical Honesty Tip #5: The Truth Of Your Feelings
Not gonna lie: this has been a tough one for me. But here it is: when you’re upset about something, you need to tell the person who is involved–not everyone but that person.
Think about it: if you’re bothered or upset about something, then isn’t it worth vocalizing that to the person it concerns?
For me–a recovering codependent with a freeze trauma response (😬😬 I know)–this has been tough to put into practice. But also revolutionary.
“Venting” feels good in the moment but it doesn’t solve the problem. Sometimes talking about something out loud with someone is a great way to actually figure out what you’re feeling or needing. But at a certain point, it’s important to pass the message along to the person who needs to hear it the most.
In other words, don’t keep all of that stuff bottled up inside of you! From your perspective, it’s easy to think that the other person should just know what you’re thinking. And the more you talk about the situation to other people, the more real this illusion might become!
But that’s simply untrue. What might seem incredibly obvious to us is not obvious to everyone else. If your relationship with this person is worth keeping (or it’s a situation that you have to stay in–like a work relationship) then it’s worth telling that person the truth about what you think or feel.
Practice Radical Honesty #6: The Truth About What You’re Going To Do
How often do you straight up lie to yourself about what you’re going to do?
“I’ll start the diet tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow, I hit the gym.”
“I’ll do that next week when I’m not so busy.”
Yup, this realization was another big one for me. But at a certain point, I started getting real about the promises I was making (and breaking) to myself.
That definitely didn’t mean I always did everything I wanted to. But I started taking responsibility for what I wasn’t doing. When you start to notice how often you’re not showing up for yourself, it gets uncomfortable fast. And suddenly, it becomes more important to change that pattern.
We are what we actually do, not what we say we’re going to do. The best of intentions alone will not build you a magickal life!
So get real and tell yourself the truth, so you can see where you’re at more clearly and make any necessary adjustments from there.
So tell me: how truthful are you really? Will you embrace any principles of radical honesty? What are you going to do first to start being more honest and embracing truth where you need to?
I hope this post has inspired you to transform your relationship with the truth so you can become more authentic, magnetic, and powerful!
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