self-esteem Archives | The Aligned Life

The Real Reasons Why You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself

by: Jenn

No matter what you’re after in life (money, love, fame etc.) there’s a common reason behind it all:

We just want to feel good.

We want to feel happy, to feel confident or to feel (finally!) worthy of something bigger. So while our individual goals are all a little bit different the common driving force behind them all is typically the same.

Most of us spend much of our lives chasing down something on the outside, in an attempt to make our inside feel good–even though this doesn’t really work!

Instead, as soon as we achieve something we realize that we want something else–and so end up on a treadmill of chasing the promise of feeling good but never quite getting there.

While goals are wonderful to have, it’s so important to realize that they have nothing to do with how we feel on the inside! Our inner game is an entirely different creature and one that only we have the ability to change for the better.

The one thing that I really want you to know today is that feeling good about yourself is not natural for most of us! Yes, it should be our default factory setting–but unfortunately, a lot of factors get in the way and prevent that from happening.

Curious about what those factors might be? There are actually a lot of reasons why you don’t feel good about yourself but today I’m going to share six of the biggest ones with you, so you can understand your own inner world just a little more.

6 Reasons You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself

Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #1:

Limiting Beliefs

Almost every single person in the world believes something about the world that is ultimately damaging to themselves.

I know right now you might be asking: “Why would I believe in something that was damaging or limiting to me?” Yet we all do exactly that! Most of these limiting beliefs are things we were taught as children, when we did not yet have our conscious mind to act as a “gatekeeper”. Before the age of seven, everything we learn goes straight into our subconscious mind, where it will live forever.

A lot of this stuff has in fact been around for so long that we just regard it as part of our identity: “I’m shy / not athletic / not artistic / bad at math / not pretty enough” ETC. But are those things really true? You might be quick to label yourself with these things but have those ideas really applied to you over your entire lifetime? Or–if you think about it–can you challenge yourself to see some moments when they were very much not the case? ????

Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy! And most of us are telling ourselves “no” based on these outdated, old and empirically untrue ideas. So yes! One of the biggest reasons why you’re not happy with yourself is because you’ve believed these limiting ideas too much and for too long.

Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #2:

Inner Mean Girl/Guy

Let me introduce you to one of your biggest barriers to happiness and self-worth: your Inner Critic. We all have an Inner Mean Girl/Guy who takes over the show in our mind far too often. But most people don’t understand where this voice is really coming from–so they begin to identify it as themselves.

But as loud as it can be, that voice isn’t really you–nor is it actually telling you the truth! It’s really just your ego mind doing it’s best to “protect” you: by keeping you feeling afraid or unworthy enough that you just won’t bother trying anything new.

It’s definitely not a voice of reason or an accurate representation of what you’re really capable of! But, for those of us who have not done inner work, we believe what this voice tells us–and that makes it very hard indeed for us to be feel good about ourselves.

Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #3:

Societal Programming

Turn on your TV or open a magazine for a minute and take a real look at all the ads you see. It’s an unfortunate but true: modern advertising works on the premise of making us feel bad. We’re supposed to feel just a little bit too old/fat/uncool/stupid so we’ll be motivated enough to buy whatever it is that’s being advertised.

That might seem obvious: of course businesses want to make money and they won’t shy away from emotional manipulation in order to do that! But years and years of this subconscious messaging isn’t without consequence.

TV is particularly devastating at this task because our brain goes into a hypnotic state while we’re watching. We tell ourselves that we can “tune out” commercials but our subconscious brain is paying attention–and it’s getting the message: we’re almost good enough to not feel shame. But if we just bought this/did this/looked like this, then we’d finally be worthy of love.

What a terrible way to treat our fellow humans! And most of us are not even aware of what’s happening. But make no mistake–since we’re all subjected to this negative mind programming, we all need to do some real inner work in order to counteract it.

Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #4:

Living Life For Others

People-pleasing might not seem all that destructive at first glance. What’s wrong with wanting to make other people happy? But for too many of us, this behavior comes with a destructive secret cost. When we learn to value other people’s happiness above our own, we end up becoming a slave to them–and we lose ourselves in the process.

There’s nothing wrong with being nice and thinking of others! But for many of us–especially women!–we’ve been socialized to always put others first. As the saying goes, you must always put on your own oxygen mask first. If you deplete your energy and happiness trying to help someone else, then that is your own fault. No one else is inside of you to see when the emotional/energetic tanks are getting low. And while it might seem like everyone else is taking you for granted, it’s really you that let the situation get this way.

That might be a tough pill to swallow at first but when you really understand this concept, it becomes liberation. You can still do things for others but when you prioritize yourself first, you won’t end up sacrificing yourself in the process.

Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #5:

The Perfectionism Myth

You might not label yourself as a perfectionist–yet many of us are secret perfectionists and don’t even know it! But creating an unattainable standard in our mind can be damaging to our current state of happiness.

If you believe that you can’t do something until you have every last detail figured out, you’re a perfectionist.
If you believe that achieving one thing will make all your other problems go away, you’re a perfectionist.
If you’re constantly comparing yourself to other people, then YES you might be a perfectionist–and all that perfectionism is probably doing a good job of keeping you very unhappy.

Perfectionism is insidious because often we think we’re just “being honest” or that it’s a true way to motivate ourselves. But in fact, we’re just setting ourselves up to feel terrible! Of course it’s going to be hard to feel happy if we’ve also told ourselves that we’re not allowed to be happy yet or if we’re constantly falling short of some imagined ideal. When we tie up our ideas of happiness with an ideal that can never be attained, we throw away our own ability to feel good along with it.

Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #6:

Lack Of Emotional Intelligence

Do you know how your brain works? Confession: for a long time I didn’t! I even went to school and got a psychology degree, which taught me a lot about physiology and all that good stuff. But it wasn’t until I started taking classes for coaching and working on my own mindset that I really understood how to use this thing the right way.

Fact: feeling bad about yourself can become a very bad habit. After a certain amount of time, thinking the same sh*tty old thoughts about yourself at some point they become your default–they’re not even something you think about anymore. They just become the sh*t colored glasses that you view your life through.

Learning how to understand and operate your brain the right way is life-changing–and in fact, I wish this was a skill we were all taught in school! But if you don’t feel good about yourself right now, just please know this: you can learn to feel good about yourself when you learn to use your brain the right way.

Please don’t take this post as just doom and gloom. I want you to know that not all hope is lost! While there are some very real obstacles in our way, we still always have the power to retrain our brain and reprogram ourselves for happiness. The first step of the fight is simply knowing what you’re up against!

PS READ THIS NEXT: Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough! 3 Subconscious Blocks To Manifestation

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Boost Your Self-Esteem With This One Trick!

by: Jenn

Self-esteem and self-worth are the keys to true manifestation! If you don’t get this right, they you’re not going to be able to manifest your desires. Here’s one simple trick to help you get started.

Thank you so much for watching!

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Raise Your Self-Worth To Become Magnetic

by: Jenn

Wondering why your manifestations aren’t working?

It’s not that you don’t want great things.

It’s not that you don’t deserve them.

And it’s definitely not that the Universe doesn’t want to give you those things.

It might be all too likely that your own self-worth is tripping you up–without you even noticing.

We all have set limits in life: we live our life in between an invisible upper and lower limit.

Let’s illustrate this:

You can probably all think of a friend who constantly dates people you don’t think are worth their while. But of course, your friend cannot see the issue. While you wouldn’t dare spend your time with someone who’s disrespectful or not faithful (or who just leaves you on read), your friend does.

To you, this type of person would just not be an option but your friend doesn’t see it that way. Their minimum standard is just lower than yours; what wouldn’t be acceptable to you, is entirely acceptable to them (for better or worse). Their low level of self-worth is creating a life you would never dream of.

This is an obvious example but the exact same dynamic might be happening to you, without you even noticing.

When you don’t think you’re worthy of something, you’ll end up blocking so much of the goodness that’s your true right as a human.

You must learn how to claim what’s rightfully yours in order to become magnetic to your desires.

Many of us inadvertently punish ourselves by creating negative stories around our goals: when I lose the last ten pounds, then I’ll be thin enough to find my true love. Etc. While on some level we believe we’re just motivating ourselves, what we’re really doing is committing to our story of being not enough.

So know this: if you can’t give yourself permission right now to have your desires then you’ll never be able to achieve them.

Manifesting isn’t about perfection–thank goodness or none of us would be able to manifest! But it is about being bold about your own life and stepping up to claim what’s rightfully yours. It’s about embodying your self-worth, fully and totally.

If this has resonated with you, today I’m sharing four tips to help raise your self-worth and get you back on the manifesting success superhighway:

4 Ways To Raise Your Self-Worth To Become Magnetic

Raise Your Worth Exercise #1:

Take A Rock Star Inventory

Baby, you’re a star! No matter who you are, you’ve got some unique talents and abilities that few other people possess. But when was the last time you thought about those things?

We all tend to be future-focused in life: always worrying about the next paycheque, job, relationship etc. That’s all well and good but sometimes we focus on the future at the detriment of remembering what we’ve already accomplished.

So think about it: what are your greatest talents? Your rock star abilities? Your most shining moments? I challenge you to write them all down somewhere (in your journal or even in the notes app on your phone) and then come back to them regularly (once or twice a week at least!).

No matter how old or young you might be, the results of this list can be surprising. Even if you never share this list with another person, keeping in touch with your inner Rock Star is a wonderful way to remember just how awesome you really are!

Raise Your Worth Exercise #2:

Drop The Victim Story

Tell the truth: are you living in a blame mentality? Too often we allow circumstances from our past to interfere with our future. But the truth is that playing the victim isn’t about what’s happened to you. It’s actually just you giving your own power away.

In the end, your life is always under your control. No, we can’t predict everything and we definitely can’t control anyone! But we can always shift our thoughts and feelings and we can definitely control our own actions. Saying that you’re not where you want to be because your parents were a certain way or you didn’t get into the right school (or whatever else it is) really just means that you’re valuing that one event in front of everything else.

But what happens when you eliminate that thinking? When you step into your power? When you look at your past and say “so what” and keep moving in the direction of your dreams instead? This is your story and if you want to be the hero, it’s time to start acting like one!

Raise Your Worth Exercise #3:

Watch Your Words

It’s basically impossible to feel good about yourself when you’re stuck in a pattern of destructive negative self-talk. Yet our brains operate like this almost by default! All too often we think that what we tell ourselves doesn’t really matter. But it does. Every word and story that you use to describe yourself is a vote for your own future. So what kind of future are you creating for yourself?

Be kind to yourself and choose words that build you up instead of tearing you down! Think about the kind of person who embodies your dream life. How do they describe themselves? Their present? Their past?

Don’t get stuck in the habit of using the words and sentences you always have! Your language is a huge opportunity for active growth and change. You are so much more magnificent than you’re used to believing so start choosing the language that reflects that.

Raise Your Worth Exercise #4:

Drop The Comparisons

Comparison-itis is hard to avoid in this age of social media! But as the old saying goes: comparison is the thief of joy. Constantly comparing your imperfect real life to the heavily edited Instagram or Pinterest-perfect images you see online will always leave you feeling like something’s missing.

Of course, perfection doesn’t exist for anyone, no matter how perfect their feed might be! So take action to make sure you’re not doing this: stop following the accounts that make you feel bad about yourself (or mute them instead!). Curate your intake of media to focus on people that truly inspire you, not make you feel inadequate. Everything you intake holds a vibration so let’s starting feeding your mind the high-vibe inspiration it will thrive on.

So tell me: where are you the most blocked around your self worth? What action steps are you going to take to start creating and accepting more for yourself?

Building self-worth is an ongoing project so don’t try to take it all on at once! Start taking baby steps today and soon you’ll be showing up in the world like the bright star you were always meant to be!

PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about 7 universal principles to change your life or this one about your guide to total aligmnent.

The Real Reasons Why You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself