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Learning how to manage your mind and emotions is a superpower! Of course, we all want to do this to create more happiness and success in our lives.

For most of us, emotional intelligence doesn’t come so easily. Many of us still feel controlled by our emotions rather than understanding that our emotions come from us.

Make no mistake: we’re ruled by our emotions. Even when we use our logical brain to decide on what to buy or where to eat etc. we’re usually just justifying a choice that our feelings already made! We’re ruled much more by our emotions than we’d like to believe.

That can be particularly troubling when you learn that emotions can be used against us. They’re actually a common way for people outside of us to control our opinions and actions.

The truth is that the outer world (your family, friends and the media) use emotions as weapons all the time. But if you’re not aware of how this works, you’re doomed to be controlled by it.

For example, this is the very foundation of modern advertising itself. Did you know that Sigmund Freud’s nephew Edward Bernays basically invented advertising as we know it today? He took principles from propaganda and figured out how to use them for large corporations. We still feel the effects of this rebranding today! Our emotions are being manipulated all the time; unless you develop emotional intelligence of your own, you run the risk of being controlled by them.

Creating a life of true freedom means becoming vigilant about this type of emotional control.

You’re here to live your best life–not to become a happy Kmart shopper who’s blind to how much their outside world controls their feelings and actions.

Ultimately, our emotions are always in our own control! You don’t have to to take the emotional bait from anyone. You’re actually giving permission to all those things you feel–which means you can also stop giving that power away!

It’s only once you see how common emotional manipulation really is that you’ll understand how susceptible we all are to it. Understanding how your brain works really will give you your power back and make you less likely to feel out-of-control in this chaotic world.

While emotional manipulation is actually a huge topic, today I wanted to touch on the three most common emotions that are used to control us: fear, shame and guilt.

Fear, Shame And Guilt: 3 Emotions You Need To Release To Create Total Freedom

Negative Emotion To Release #1:

Fear

Fear is one of the best tools of mind control there is! When we’re afraid, we’ll do almost anything to convince ourselves we’re safe again. But most of the time, fear is just an illusion! Our brain excels at making mountains out of mole hills which means our fear is often wildly out of proportion to reality.

Fear literally locks your brain up and puts you in fight-or-flight mode. In that state, your vision gets super-focused: you’re trying to solve just one problem to put yourself at ease. However that tunnel vision doesn’t do you any favors. When you’re narrowly focused on one problem or issue, you lose perspective and also the ability to see some very obvious solutions.

Be very wary when someone is asking you to be afraid of something. Once you notice this tool, you’ll see it being used almost everywhere: on the news, by politicians, in regular advertising. But of course the TV show wants you to keep watching, the politicians want you to vote for them and the advertising people want you to buy something! Developing awareness of this mechanism will help you to build immunity to it.

Negative Emotion To Release #2:

Shame

Shame is another potent tool of control. We’re pack animals at heart; we want nothing more than to fit in and be accepted by those around us. At one point in time, being rejected by our peers really was a matter of life-or-death. We had a much better survival rate in a group. Going it alone was highly dangerous.

Times might have changed but our brain remembers that danger from our collective past. That’s why shame is one of the most painful emotions we have. Think about your most shameful memories! Even though they may have happened long ago, bringing yourself back there can still sting terribly. We know what shame feels like so acutely we’ll do almost anything to avoid feeling that way again.

The funny thing about shame (like all emotions) is that shame requires our participation. Someone can’t shame you unless on some level you agree with them. Our natural instinct is to run from shame but we actually have much more power over it than we think! Developing a sense of shamelessness is really just an act of self-love and preservation. The more you can shrug off your shameful feelings with a “so what?” the less likely you’ll be to be influenced by them.

Negative Emotion To Release #3:

Guilt

Guilt is another dark emotion that causes us much discomfort. It’s actually built right into many major religions. If (like me) you were raised in a Catholic household, you’re probably all too aware of the power of guilt!

Guilt lies very closely to shame. Unlike shame, we experience guilt mostly as a projection. Other people tell us what we need to feel guilty about. But, once more, we have to agree to that projection in order for it to have an effect on us.

There are multiple ways we can feel guilt. We can feel guilt around things we actually did or around things we’re just thinking about doing. We can also feel societal guilt (like for eating meat) or for guilt about other people (for having more or not doing enough).

A normal amount of guilt is healthy; it helps us have empathy and relate better to others. But excessive guilt can be toxic. Again, it’s you that’s that’s really holding all the cards! What happens when you drop the “should’s”? Where does your heart tell you is truly right? When you stop worrying so much about what other people think, it leaves you the space to step powerfully into your own authenticity.

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So tell me: which emotions do you notice the most in yourself & what were the triggers? How can you zoom out to see the full picture instead of letting your emotions rule over you?

No matter how intense or fast emotions are, there’s always something you can do to help shift them. Remember that you’re in charge of your own thoughts which then dictate your feelings! The more you practice diving in to see where things are really coming from, the easier it will be to manage these tricky low-vibe feelings.

PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how you’re self-sabotaging or this one about the truth about your upper limit problem.

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If you’ve been studying the Law of Attraction for any length of time, you’re likely already aware of just how important your vibration is to the overall process.

That’s because the level you vibrate at determines what you attract into your life.

And, for the most part, your emotions are what determines your vibration.

You can say all the affirmations you like but if your heart doesn’t eventually line up with what you’re saying, they simply won’t work.

However, changing your frequency involves much more than simply reciting affirmations.

It’s actually about what’s going on behind the scenes.

(Note: I love affirmations and use them regularly just to be clear!)

Your overall language plays an important role in the way your emotions are created.

Think about it.

Spoken words are literal vibrations that we create with our bodies.

But even if we don’t speak them aloud, our words always carry a unique energy signature.

We think the words we use are mere descriptions but the stronger the word we use, the more power it holds.

That’s why the words we use to describe the world around us have a HUGE impact on our internal reactions.

The words we choose literally shape our feelings.

And that’s the real trick: a simple language swap has the power to control our emotional state.

For example, replacing a high-level high-intensity word with something less intense is the difference between overreacting and just becoming slightly upset.

Words contain emotion! So if we choose the right words, we can start to program our own feelings!

It’s a simple yet powerful concept!

But the bottom line is that if you want to start feeling differently, it’s time to start using new words to describe your world.

This all might sound strange at first. I mean, words are just words right? And why would you unnecessarily create any extra stress, sadness or anger for yourself?

It all makes a lot more sense when you realize just how much of the language we use regularly is not even our own!

The common catch phrases that we all tend to use mindlessly are positively brimming with violent imagery.

And those violent associations also trigger the pain centers in our brain.

Nowhere is this more evident than when we talk about love.

Broken hearted. Crushed. Ripped apart.

What if instead of “broken hearted” you said “disappointed”, “misunderstood” or “lonely”?

Words CREATE an extra emotional impact.

If you keep telling yourself that you’re broken, guess what? You’re going to start feeling broken!

And chances are, that in one way or another, you ARE using those words without even thinking about it!

So if you want to lessen the pain or the anger or the hurt, why not reframe things with a phrase that’s not so intense?

You’re still upset, hurt, sad.

But you don’t have to feel BROKEN, dead, crushed.

Those words take your inherent sadness and AMPLIFY it to the nth degree.

When your emotions are running wild and you feel out of control with a situation in your life, there’s often not much you can do but change your reaction to it.

And if you’ve ever tried to make yourself “just cheer up” or “look on the bright side” in the middle of a depressive episode you’ll know how difficult that can be.

So don’t try changing the huge EMOTION that you’re grappling with.

Start by changing the LANGUAGE.

Choose your words to change your life!

Don’t use high-impact high-emotion words to describe your situation!

 Don’t rely on tired old catchphrases to convey what you’re going through.

You can talk about the heaviness in your gut, the ache in your heart, the tiredness you feel, any of the very real physical or emotional experiences you’re having.

But you don’t OVER describe.

That’s just adding fuel to the fire! And it will keep you feeling shitty and low for a lot longer than is necessary.

Because OF COURSE if you keep saying to yourself “My life is over” your body is going to start reacting like it actually IS over.

Words are INCREDIBLY magical tools for our growth.

They have power to lessen or multiply the world we observe.

And the coolest thing to know is that they are ALWAYS your choice.

So don’t bother getting upset about all the things you cannot change in your life.

Start with the ONE thing you CAN.

Start slowly. Notice when it happens. Keep backtracking and reframing those old overly dramatic descriptive phrases.

Limit yourself to be factual.

Take the harsh sting out of the facts and lower the emotional impact.

The situation might not be fun or pretty. But describing it with HUGELY emotional words is tipping you into crisis territory.

What if you broke up and….everything was fine?

What if you were upset but not broken?

What if you were bruised but not battered?

You don’t have to go to the bottom of the emotional pool.

You can keep your head above water.

You can acknowledge what’s going on without scaring your body into panic mode.

You can begin to assess the “damage” without hitting an emotional rock bottom.

You can experience life without the incredible lows. You can lessen the impact AND feel much more in control of your own life.

All of that is possible with just a simple change in vocabulary!

Of course, actually training yourself to be more factual in your language is a long process.

It takes time to break those old habits and retrain your brain to be on your team!

Remember that our brains are inherently lazy creatures. They actually LIKE to save time by thinking the same thoughts over and over again. Which means thinking new thoughts takes conscious effort and attention.

So be easy on yourself as you retrain yourself to think differently. It might take some time and effort but the results will be soooo worth it.

Never forget that the vocabulary you choose in your mind and in your speech is crucial to the way your life plays out! Think of this as your biggest opportunity to PROGRAM your life for success. Start swapping out the old heavy negative words for something brighter and happier to watch your world transform.

I hope this post inspires you to think about the language you use differently. I’d love to hear how it goes so comment below — or if you loved the post, please remember to share!

Wishing you tons of love and manifesting success this week!

PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about move from friction into flow or this one about how to get out of a negative spiral.

Fear, Shame And Guilt: 3 Emotions To Release To Create Freedom

Fear, Shame And Guilt: 3 Emotions You Need To Release To Create Total Freedom

Negative Emotion To Release #1: