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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

How To Be More Positive: 5 Mindset Techniques

by: Jenn

How To Be More Positive: 5 Mindset Techniques

Do negative thoughts rule your brain…and seemingly your life?

Sometimes it seems like we have no choice but to listen to the negative soundtrack in our mind.


But the more you feed the negative thoughts, the more intense they get. Meaning that once your brain sets off down the road of negativity it can be very hard to get back on track!



So you’re not imagining things! Sometimes it’s very difficult indeed to have a more positive mindset.

But it also isn’t your fault! Our brains are simply creatures of habit. We all think about 60,000 thoughts a day–but 90% of those thoughts are the exact same thoughts we had yesterday…and the day before that…and the day before that. It’s like our brains get stuck on a certain signal–and once they tune into that signal it’s very difficult to turn away–even if those thoughts are untrue and negative in nature.

However, even though our biology is stacked against us, it’s not all bad news! While your brain might love to run rampant in negativity, you can still train it to become more positive. Your physical body would seemingly love you to eat fats and sugars all day long but we know better than to give into those urges. It’s the same thing when it comes to your mindset.

Our brain might prefer a certain (negative) way of doing things but there are action steps we can take to regain control and feel happier. Or in other words, you don’t have to be stuck with the crappy thinking your brain defaults to.

Practicing positivity is a habit that will make you happier and more productive over the long run. While it’s not always easy, it is always worth it to put in the effort. So to help you on your positivity journey, today I’m sharing five mindset techniques to get you started.


How To Be More Positive: 5 Mindset Techniques


How To Be More Positive: Mindset Technique #1:

Know Your Brain Is Doing A Job


Your brain is hard-wired to look for negativity. Which means all those stressed out negative thoughts area really just your brain trying to keep you safe. It’s simple biology, not a defect on your part.

Our ancestors developed a keen sense of danger as a survival mechanism! Constantly scanning the world for impending danger was obviously beneficial for the human race. But our modern lives seldom have any real danger anymore–yet our brain is still on the lookout! Only these days it’s there’s not much to look for.

Knowing that fact does not mean that your brain will suddenly leave you in peace! Unfortunately, it’s still going to do its job. But you can learn how to disengage with those thoughts.

For example, when your brain starts going down a negative path (ie. “My boyfriend is late from work! Omg he’s obviously not thinking about me. He must not love me anymore!” etc.) you can see those thoughts for what they are–and thank your brain for trying to protect you. (“Oh I see you negative thoughts! Ok thank you brain for always looking out for me!”) Then go back to being open to something other than the terrible-ness your brain wants you to believe.

Our first reactive thoughts are often coming from our worst fears and beliefs! Sometimes you need to stop and take a moment to realize what’s really going on.


How To Be More Positive: Mindset Technique #2:

Thoughts Aren’t Facts


We’re just so smart aren’t we? Our ego mind just loves to play this game and it gives us constant proof of just how smart we are. That means when our brain is telling us something–no matter how negative it is!–we take it as fact, even though it probably isn’t.

While our brain loves to present our thoughts as being very factual, they’re actually 95% just our interpretations of the world. That means they’re just our stories. They’re open to interpretation–and they’re definitely able to be seen in a different (more positive) light.

So when your negative thoughts are telling you you’re stupid or the situation is hopeless, take a pause and try to come back to reality. What are the actual facts of the situation versus what your brain is trying to tell you? Simply being able to see the difference between the two can give you control back over your own narrative.


How To Be More Positive: Mindset Technique #3:

Minimize Your Triggers


As you move through your week, pay attention to what triggers your negativity the most. That might be watching or reading the news, something an ignoramus relative posted on Facebook or even a conversation with someone in real life. But if it something has the power to color your mood for the rest of the day, it’s important to become aware of it.

Most of the time we can’t completely eliminate the trigger itself. We can’t cut off every person who rubs us the wrong way and bury our head in the sand about world events. But you can limit your time spent watching the news or with a certain person. The world might be in a state of upheaval right now but that doesn’t mean that you have to strap yourself in for a front-row view for hours every day! Nor do you have to put up with people who don’t respect you, even if they are family members.

This one’s really all about setting boundaries to preserve your own happiness. So please just know that just because you’ve always done something one way, you don’t have to keep going. If something triggers your negative emotional soundtrack, then it’s in your best interests to make a permanent–more positive–change. Knowing what’s good for you and what isn’t is key to creating your own happiness.


How To Be More Positive: Mindset Technique #4:

Choose What Feels Better


Some of our habitual negative thoughts are absolutely abusive–and sometimes they’ve been around for so long we don’t even realize it.

For example, I used to feel very insecure about the dark circles under my eyes. Every time I’d look in a mirror I’d focus straight in on them and berate myself for looking too “old” or “tired”. But it’s a funny thing: when I’d mention my dark circle problem to people in real life, everyone would look at me with surprise: “What dark circles?” ????

If the rest of the world can’t see what you’re talking about, that’s a pretty good sign that your brain is making mountains out of molehills! But even so, it’s hard to disengage with those repetitive negative thoughts.

So don’t try to do it all in one go! Instead of going from negative to positive, go for a neutral statement first. Instead of thinking “I’m so ugly” think “I have a body/face/etc.” That might not seem like it’s enough but it’s a massive improvement over the negative thought. The neutral thought moves the inner conversation out of self-abuse territory. So whenever you notice the painful thoughts surfacing, do what you can to redirect your thoughts to something more neutral.

With more practice you can move the thoughts into positive territory! But neutral territory is a great improvement over negativity.


How To Be More Positive: Mindset Technique #5:

Choose Gratitude


It’s a fact of life: if you only look at what’s missing from your life, of course you’re always going to feel lack and scarcity! However, this can be tricky for us manifesting go-getters. While it’s cool to have goals and plans for our future, it’s also important to acknowledge how far we’ve already come.

Again, this is all just a matter of habit. Right now, your brain is probably not making it a habit to look to your past for your victories and gifts. But you can start creating gratitude as a habit right now! It’s time to start a gratitude practice. Put in in your schedule or make it part of your morning routine. Then take a few minutes to think or write about something you’re grateful for.

Even if you do this for just a few minutes a day, it can make a massive difference! And yes, it might feel weird and awkward at first but that’s just a sign that you really need this work. But keep going with it! The more you practice gratitude, the easier it will come to you.




So tell me: what tip are you going to use first to create a more positive mindset? How are you going to make a plan to conquer your own negative thinking?




Just remember, you don’t have to be stuck with your out-of-the-box way of thinking! Changing your mindset is really just like going to the gym for your brain. You’ve got to put some consistent effort into keeping things right and tight to reap the biggest results.



Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to get rid of negative thoughts or this one about 10 ways to finally feel good.




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How To Be More Positive: 5 Mindset Techniques

How To Be More Positive: 5 Mindset Techniques
How To Be More Positive: 5 Mindset Techniques

Filed Under: Mindset, Self Work Tagged With: be more positive, positive mindset, positivity

You’re Not Lazy, Bored Or Unmotivated: REAL Motivational Advice

by: Jenn

You're Not Lazy, Bored Or Unmotivated: REAL Motivational Advice

Watch for REAL motivational advice!

Sometimes we ALL find it difficult to do the things we think we want to in life! But berating yourself and calling yourself names is NOT the way to push yourself into motion. Here’s what’s really going with each of these negative labels–and hopefully learning the TRUTH will help you to get back into action!









Thank you so much for watching!

Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




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Real Motivational Advice! You're Not Lazy, Bored Or Unmotivated

Filed Under: Mindset, Video Tagged With: bored, lazy, motivation, motivational advice, motivational video, positivity, unmotivated

Unf*ckwithable You Episode 63: Radical Positive Thinking

by: Jenn

Unf*ckwithable You Episode 63: Radical Positive Thinking

Unf*ckwithable You Episode 63: Radical Positive Thinking | Your thoughts really DO create your life! And perhaps the reason your life isn’t where you want it to be is because your thoughts aren’t supportive enough. In this episode, I explain the importance of mindset and hopefully inspire you to take your thinking to the next level!




Thank you so much for listening! I’d love to hear your comments, questions or episode ideas in the comments below! ????

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Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




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Unf*ckwithable You Episode 63: Radical Positive Thinking

Filed Under: Mindset, Podcast, Self Work Tagged With: mind management, positive thinking, positivity, radical positive thinking, unf*ckwithable podcast, unf*ckwithable you, unfuckwithable, unfuckwithable podcast, unfuckwithable you

How To Deal With Negative Thoughts

by: Jenn

How To Deal With Negative Thoughts

How To Deal With Negative Thoughts | Negative thoughts are something we all have to deal with! So don’t be afraid of yours! In this video, I share a simple trick to help distract you from your negative train of thoughts instead of getting run over by them!






Subscribe to my YouTube channel right here! New videos every Tuesday & Friday.




Thank you so much for watching!

Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




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How To Deal With Negative Thoughts

Filed Under: Mindset, Self Work, Video Tagged With: law of attraction video, manifesting video, mind management, negative thoughts, positivity

Toxic Positivity: When Self-Help Actually Hurts

by: Jenn

Toxic Positivity: When Self-Help Actually Hurts

One of the biggest misconceptions I want to bust about manifesting is the idea that you have to be happy all the time.

While I actively teach that we are in charge of our own minds (and therefore our realities) there’s still only so much you can control! That means sometimes “bad” things are still going to happen.

Most people still fall victim to what I call Fairy Tale Thinking: the idea that if you land the job, the ring, the bank account (etc.) then you’ll be happy 24/7 for the rest of your life.

Unfortunately, life just doesn’t work like that! But the negative things we experience aren’t punishments. Nor are they things we should take personally (because if we did things right we’d avoid them).

As difficult as it might be to see in the moment, the negative experiences are meant for us just as much as the positive ones. It’s all just lessons in disguise and experiences designed to make us grow and expand.

If your goal for life is being forever happy and problem-free, you’re just setting yourself up for immense disappointment. Measuring your imperfect life against an impossible standard is never a good idea! It’s much healthier to just accept what this human life really is: a mix of high and low, good and bad, black and white etc.

If you take a look at Pinterest or Instagram, you’ll see loads and loads of feel-good quotes. (Mine included!) It’s plain to see our cultural obsession with feeling good. At times, it seems like there’s not a lot of room to experience the normal range of human emotion. In fact the message we get is the opposite: if you feel down for too long you should probably go find yourself a prescription. ????

When someone starts to feel down about something we’re all much too quick to try to make them feel better ASAP.


But let’s be honest: has the advice “cheer up!” ever worked on anyone in the history of the world?



If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of well-meaning but wildly unsettling positivity advice, then you know how crap it feels.

Commanding someone to ignore their negative feelings and just be happy obviously isn’t a solution to anything–except maybe making the advice-giver feel better.

Part of the issue good advice is subjective. What feels supportive to one person might not to the next. Also, what doesn’t work for you today might be exactly what you need to hear tomorrow! The positivity issue is just not black and white.

The most important thing is to remember that this “be positive” advice is always coming from a good place. People are trying to help, even if they don’t fully understand the picture or have the skills to really help you.

It’s also crucial to remember that your fellow humans are empathetic beings. When they see someone in pain, they want to help them–partially because they don’t want to feel that pain themselves. It takes courage to let people be sad and grieve and be angry. But that’s what a true strong friend will do! We don’t need to rush our friends (or ourselves) through the process. Holding space for them to authentically experience their sadness is the most loving thing you can do.

So on that note, here are four super-common “stay positive” phrases that we all need to be more mindful about! Let’s stop pretending the bad times can be avoided and creating a more supportive space for when they do.


Toxic Positivity: 4 Phrases To Be Mindful About


Toxic Positivity Example #1:

Stop Being So Negative



Non-toxic alternative: It’s totally normal to be negative right now after what’s just happened!


As we already covered, commanding anyone to not feel their negative feelings is rarely helpful! It’s ridiculous to act as though negative thoughts are just a faucet we can turn on and off. If something “bad” has just happened to you, the only way through it is to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. It’s impossible to just snap your fingers and get over it.

But of course, feeling your way through the experience also doesn’t mean you have to wallow there! So know that hanging out for too long (whatever too long might mean for you) will just keep you suffering unnecessarily. So at some point this advice will prove useful! (Just not at the beginning of the process.)

Always remember that truly feeling the negativity and acknowledging it always much more powerful and productive than trying to run away from it. Those feelings will bubble up in the end (and who knows when and where that might happen!). Why take the chance of raining your negativity down on someone in the future who literally has nothing to do with what’s happening right now? It’s much more healthy for you to do the work–as unpleasant as it might be–in the moment rather than inadvertently saving it all for a rainy day.


Toxic Positivity Example #2:

Don’t Give Up



Non-toxic alternative: It’s okay to give up sometimes! What do you really want to happen right now?


Look, I don’t want you to give up on your dreams about 90% of the time. The road to success can be rough at times so it’s important to persevere. But here’s the truth: not all dreams are actually meant to be realized! They’re simply meant to be explored. Going after them ultimately brings you more lessons about yourself–and sometimes those lessons mean changing your mind about what you thought you wanted. Sometimes that means you’ll realize (half-way through medical school or two weeks away from your wedding) that what you’re doing is actually all kinds of wrong for you.

Every desire reveals a clue about our Shadow, if we’re willing to look closely. So when you start doing that Shadow work, sometimes the thing you thought you wanted becomes irrelevant. Maybe you were really just trying to impress someone or trying to make yourself feel better about a perceived flaw. Or maybe you figure out the real secret: that when you really love yourself you don’t actually need the guy, the car or the job to “make” you feel good.

But rest assured, if it’s really time to quit, you’ll know it. That voice inside you isn’t going to go away! Once your soul gives you the nudge, it’s only going to get louder and LOUDER until you pay attention to it.


Toxic Positivity Example #3:

There’s Always A Silver Lining/Look On The Bright Side



Non-toxic alternative: It’s hard to see the good in this situation right now. We’ll make sense of it later.


Life is all about lessons so it’s true: eventually there will be a lesson to learn! Ultimately, you will grow from this painful experience. One day in the future, you’ll see exactly what the bright side is.

But when you’re in the middle of a shitty life-has-just-crushed-you moment, the bright side is an awfully long way away. When people tell you that there’s a silver lining while you’re in that state, you might just have to stifle the urge to punch them. Hard.

Yes, you will get there but when your wounds are raw and red you’re going to have a hard time even conceiving about what the lesson might be. But don’t get upset about someone reminding you about this annoying fact! Instead, realize that this experience is a process.

While no one will be able to fully understand your pain and no one has walked exactly in your shoes, people have experienced loss, betrayal, disappointment etc before. (And if you’re being truthful with yourself, even you have already experienced these things!) There will be a day when the pain is not overwhelming that you’ll be able to see things more clearly. Hold onto that idea as your beacon of hope. But please don’t give into the pressure to run through your pain or pretend that it’s not there. That’s simply doing your lesson a disservice.


Toxic Positivity Example #4:

You’ll Get Over It



Non-toxic alternative: This is a tough time. But you’ve done hard things before.


It’s true: time heals all wounds. (Or greatly minimizes them anyway.) But when you’re grieving or processing a loss you will need some time to go through the full range of emotions. Don’t let anyone rush you to the happiness finish line! Your sadness or anger isn’t going anywhere. In fact, the more you run from it, the worse it will seem to become.

While others might rush you to “get over it”, just remember that they are experiencing their own reckoning with reality. It’s human nature to want everything to stay the same forever. When our friends encounter loss, it’s a very real reminder that this can never be the case. Your friend probably isn’t trying to minimize your pain on purpose. But they are clumsily attempting to keep their own world from tilting off-kilter. New experiences, even in those around us, can ultimately trigger our fear mechanisms. So trying to make you “get over it” is just a way for them to placate their own fear.

Change really is the only constant in life! Most people do a good job of ignoring this fact. So feel free to respectfully ignore anyone who wants you to get over your experience ASAP. The reflex they’re experiencing really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.




Journal Prompts:



What times have you experienced toxic positivity?

How can you reframe your experiences to be more empowering?





Are you going to put this toxic positivity training into practice? I’d love to hear your experiences with it, both for receiving and giving out support and advice! We need to do better for each other and for ourselves. ????

Good luck with it and as always much ????

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life



PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about expectation hangovers and the Law of Attraction or this one about do you know how powerful you are?.




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Toxic Positivity: When Self-Help Actually Hurts

Filed Under: Self Work Tagged With: positivity, toxic positivity

Unf*ckwithable You Episode 51: Shine Your Light

by: Jenn

Unf*ckwithable You Episode 51: Shine Your Light

Episode 51 Shine Your Light | Don’t think for a second that your personal development journey is about just you! You are able to bring more light or darkness to the world–and it’s YOUR choice! We need more people to shine their light and share their wisdom to help collectively raise the vibe of the planet! Listen now & get inspired to be your best self through the holiday season & beyond!




Thank you so much for listening! I’d love to hear your comments, questions or episode ideas in the comments below! ????

You can subscribe to Unf*ckwithable You over on Soundcloud, iTunes or Stitcher.

Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




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Unf*ckwithable You Episode 51: Shine Your Light

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: positivity, shine, shine your light, unf*ckwithable podcast, unf*ckwithable you, unfuckwithable, unfuckwithable podcast, unfuckwithable you

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.S Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.So are you ready to answer the call?I know life doesn't seem so magical at times.And I also know that when you're down or feeling defeated it's REALLY EASY to forget one simple thing.The magic is IN you.And it always has been!Every time we tell ourselves that we're not strong enoughOr good enough or smart enoughOr that we need someone or something ELSE to swoop in and "fix" usWe're opting out of using OUR power.But none of that stuff means that you AREN'T magic.It simply means that you've FORGOTTEN and fallen out of touch.But every day brings us a new opportunity to connect with our TRUTH.So what are YOU going to do with your magic today?How can YOU decide to change your life for the better, even if only by the tiniest degree?If you feel like sharing, drop me a comment below!And if you need a little help unlocking your magic, then reach out! I'm looking for a few special souls who are ready to undo their old ways of being so they can BLOSSOM into their dream life. Is that you? Send me a DM to learn more!
The present creates the past.Or, in other words, The present creates the past.Or, in other words, your STORY about the who, the what, the why IS the only thing that matters.Mindset work won't change the facts of course.It's not going to go back in time to change things or make other people suddenly see the light.(Damnit!)But it can change the person you BECAME because of what happened.Sometimes we close ourselves off to our own miracles because we're clinging so hard to those old stories.When we think that because the past is set in stone, our stories have to stay the same too.I get it though! I used to be SHOCKINGLY ATTACHED to my sob story, firmly stuck in victim mode.All the time DREAMING about where I wanted to go--and confused as to why I wasn't there yet.Fortunately (after a lot of STRUGGLE) I opened my mind to change, massive shifts and MIRACLES.That's why I can tell you that getting stuck in wishing things were different cuts us off from both our power in the present and our ability to process.So know this my beautiful soul: the only liberation we need is our own.When you get brave enough to finally DO that, your whole world really will change.(& PS if you need a little help creating your own miracle, I have a few coaching spots open! Wanna learn more about how to apply this powerful work to your life? Send me a DM & let's chat!)
And now for a quick message from your Higher Self: And now for a quick message from your Higher Self:Love yourself enough to LET IT GOBreathe deep & have a happy Sunday my beautiful babes!
You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because you ALWAYS manifest from your subconscious mind.Meaning you WILL play out old programs and ideas over and over again.Until YOU decide enough's enough! And do the work to REPROGRAM your mind to reflect what it you want and who you need to be.But sometimes, this work doesn't FEEL like it's doing anything.Those little tiny shifts on the inside are close to invisible--which might even make you doubt that it's happening at all.But trust me gorgeous, it IS.Keep taking tiny steps forward.Keep doubling down on who you WANT to be.TRUST the process and understandThat little by little, bit by bitIt all adds upUntil one day you look around and realize: I'm already there.
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn

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