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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

How To Stop Being A Love Zombie: Staying Strong While Manifesting Love

by: Jenn

How To Stop Being A Love Zombie: Staying Strong While Manifesting Love

Almost every single week I get a message from someone who is:

A. Obsessing over that perfect person (who’s taken or lives in another country or doesn’t know they exist)

B. Wondering when the person they’re seeing is going to wake up and finally fall madly in love with them (Because right now they’re dating other people, ignoring your texts etc.)

So trust me when I tell you that Love Zombies are everywhere these days!

But the real problem is that those of us who are prone to Love Zombie-ism might not even realize our brains (and love mojo) have been temporarily snatched away from us.

That being said, I have much love sympathy for the Love Zombies amongst us! Because I’ve been there. (Oooooh boy have I!) So I know how crazy and out-of-control the experience can be.

And I do have a whole lot of advice for those who’ve caught the Love Zombie bug! So much I thought the topic warranted its own post.

It’s part of human nature to look at potential loves with rose-colored glasses. But the reality of this situation is that while the Love Zombie thinks something incredible is happening, the reality is wildly different.


If your obsessing over someone who is clearly not on the same page as you (be honest!), then you’re probably deep in Love Zombie territory.



But just knowing where you are is the powerful first step! There’s still hope. You can take control back. Here’s how to do that:


How To Stop Being A Love Zombie


Love Zombie Tactic #1

Drop The “Twin Flame” or “The One” Narrative


Here’s my somewhat controversial opinion on this matter: I don’t really believe in Twin Flames. But for me personally, it’s the right choice.

However, let me also state that I’m not saying they don’t exist. They might! I haven’t had this experience so I can’t really speak to it.

But here’s the harsh truth: 90% of the time when I see someone freaking out about their “twin flame” it’s someone who is already married, in a relationship, leaving you on read etc. This is usually just a Love Zombie situation, not a real twin flame! People can be really good at justifying even the worst possible behavior

This idea of there only being one person for you out there is the ultimate in scarcity mentality! So of course, if you’re totally convinced that your brother’s mysterious-yet-distant best friend is The One you might go into crazy-land trying to make it all happen. It’s given you tunnel-vision in the worst possible way.

Here’s a case in point: The Bachelor. I don’t watch The Bachelor personally again because it’s just scarcity mode in action! When you get a bunch of people competing over a “scarce” resource, the crazy can’t help but come out. So why would you apply that to your own life?

Please remember your power as a Conscious Creator and know that you can choose to live in a world that’s chalk-full of wonderful potential soulmates–if you decide to! Ultimately, we all get to believe in whatever we want to. But please be honest about whether your desires are hurting you or helping you in the end!


Love Zombie Tactic #2

Take Them Off The Pedestal



When you’re in the middle of a perfectly good obsession, it’s hard to remember the truth: no one is perfect. We all have baggage and flaws and weird hairs/cellulite/etc. But when you’re in the middle of Love Zombie-ism, you automatically start looking past all that.

When emotions run high, we tend to don rose-colored glasses, without even realizing it. Yet the higher you put someone on a pedestal, the more difficult you’re making your own reality. All that glamorizing is creating an energetic imbalance and leaving you holding the short end of the straw.

Remember that your true goal is a solid partnership—with a real live flawed human being! When you find yourself over-embellishing the wonderful-ness of a potential (or real) partner, it’s time to come back down to earth. Painting someone with the illusion of perfection ultimately sets your relationship dynamic up for a huge fall and reflects negatively on your own self-worth! So please don’t over-idealize anyone to the point that you start to feel inadequate.


Love Zombie Tactic #3

Trust The Universe



There’s a grand plan for you, as there always has been. The Universe always knows best! But whether or not the person you’re currently thinking about is going to be a long-term part of that plan remains to be seen! You really don’t have to spend your time running around and worrying about this because it’s already all in perfectly in motion.

As always, when it comes to love and manifesting (and magic for that matter!) I urge people to concentrate on calling in the right love for them, instead of deciding they know already know who that is.

Please always remember this: the one who is meant for you will show up for you. You won’t have to convince them of anything or sit around waiting for them to figure it out. They’ll be open and ready and way into you. You won’t have to sit around wondering about it because it will be obvious.

You are worth so much more than wishy-washy-ness! So please continue to focus on what you really want instead of settling for something that so isn’t it.


Love Zombie Tactic #4

Drop Your Projections



When you either have a crush on someone or are dating someone who’s not fully into it, you have to realize that the beautiful scenes playing out in your mind are just a projection.

It’s lovely to dream big and expect the best out of people. But you also have to acknowledge people for exactly who they are! One of the biggest relationship hurdles is falling in love with a mirage: we really want someone to be something so much so that we become blind to the reality of the situation.

But let’s face it: with a crush or a new relationship, you’re filling in a lot of blanks in your head. And you’re always filling in those blanks favourably. However, as a real relationship develops you might find yourself becoming extremely disappointed by some random events. It’s not that this person misrepresented themselves! It’s that you were unwilling to acknowledge the reality.

Again, in the end, it’s a healthy and happy relationship that we’re ultimately after right? So please do yourself a favor and believe people when they tell you who they are. Because there will be no happily ever after with a mirage!


Love Zombie Tactic #5

Respect The Free Will



No matter how much you like someone and are convinced they are your Twin Flame or The One, you’ve got to take a step back and breathe. That person, no matter how perfect they appear to be to you, is on their own journey round the sun, just like you are. They’ve got their own issues, preferences and opinions and they’re also on their own timeline.

That’s all just a way of saying that, no matter how inconvenient it might be to our desires, we still have to respect the free will of others. You wouldn’t want anyone interfering with your right to create your life! So you have to extend the same courtesy to other people (yes, even those who you know are just right for you if only they’d dump their girlfriend and give you a chance.)

Again, this goes back to acknowledging the reality of any given situation. If you’re trying waaaay too hard to make someone like you, then it’s time to take a step back and let reality sink in. (Control freaks, this one’s for you!)


Love Zombie Tactic #6

Remember Your Power



One of my favorite Law of Attraction quotes is this: That which you seek, is also seeking you.

So please remember how true that is! Your partner is out there somewhere waiting for you–but if you’re wasting time pining about the wrong person or waiting for someone to hurry up and realize how awesome you are, you’re just creating more delays on the path to meeting them.

Remember that you are infinitely beautiful and powerful and deserving. And you won’t have to convince the right people of that fact! They’ll see you for you and they’ll be freaking honored to be there.

So please don’t give your immense power away to the wrong person. What’s meant for you won’t miss you–so let go of the fool’s gold and hold on strong knowing that your person is already on their way to you.




So tell me: can you relate to being a Love Zombie? What tactic are you going to take to get your power back?

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts below. Have a lovely week!



Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about the top 5 most common love blocks or this one about how to declutter after a breakup.




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How To Stop Being A Love Zombie: Staying Strong While Manifesting Love
How To Stop Being A Love Zombie: Staying Strong While Manifesting Love

How To Stop Being A Love Zombie: Staying Strong While Manifesting Love

Filed Under: Love, Manifesting + Law of Attraction, Relationships, Self Work Tagged With: crush, love zombie, obsession

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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And now for a quick message from your Higher Self: And now for a quick message from your Higher Self:Love yourself enough to LET IT GOBreathe deep & have a happy Sunday my beautiful babes!
You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because you ALWAYS manifest from your subconscious mind.Meaning you WILL play out old programs and ideas over and over again.Until YOU decide enough's enough! And do the work to REPROGRAM your mind to reflect what it you want and who you need to be.But sometimes, this work doesn't FEEL like it's doing anything.Those little tiny shifts on the inside are close to invisible--which might even make you doubt that it's happening at all.But trust me gorgeous, it IS.Keep taking tiny steps forward.Keep doubling down on who you WANT to be.TRUST the process and understandThat little by little, bit by bitIt all adds upUntil one day you look around and realize: I'm already there.
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yours What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yourself?💜To not CRAVE that outside approval or validation?To forget about other people's opinions or what they say behind your back?To not motivate yourself to move TOWARDS something only because you cannot stand where you are?This just goes to show that as much as we all LOATHE to admit it, so much of what we do is based off of artificially leveraging ourselves UP.If so-and-so would only say "good job"If that person would LOVE meIf I finally did [ insert arbitrary goal here ]THEN I could finally feel good and actually TRULY love myself.Sometimes we all get our wires crossed on this at times. (Myself included!)We focus on the future fantasy that our issues will MAGICALLY disappear once X/Y/Z happens.And we chase the things outside of us, forgetting that the ONLY place our true happiness lies is within ourselves.I'm here to warn you:You could run the whole race of life and NOT get what you think you need from other people.You could meet milestone after milestone and still NEVER feel like you measure up. 😩ORYou could start being enough, right here, right now.Enough = you as you are, flaws, mistakes and all.Enough = you without anyone else.Enough = you.💗Happy Thursday Conscious Creator friends!
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to fe It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to feel good all the time.And that's okay!Not gonna lie: the last month or so has been rough for me.The darkness of winter + strict lockdowns/limited holiday celebrations were TOUGH.I've definitely had my moments of letting it all get to me.But that doesn't mean anything has gone wrong.It doesn't mean that I'm somehow failing.And it definitely does NOT mean I'm putting more space between me and my manifestation goals.Even with the BEST of intentions, life is 50/50. Expecting perfection at any time will ONLY set you up for disappointment.Feeling frustrated, down, exhausted: those are all normal feelings for anyone experiencing a pandemic (plus general winter blues/ political chaos etc.)So while I don't want to create MORE of those feelings, I'm also not going to judge myself for having them.Making your feelings WRONG does not speed you up back into feeling better. It only creates self-loathing and resistance.Are you feeling the same? Here are a few things that are helping me right now:- Just letting myself cry if I feel like it (Sometimes 10 minutes of a good cry is a sufficient release!)
- Concentrating on pandemic-lockdown friendly goals that I CAN achieve (Doing pilates every day, meditation + Manifestation Journaling)
- Taking a break from drinking (I only drank about once a week anyway! But why not try going without it for a month?)
- Doing more behind-the-scenes entrepreneur stuff (The kinds of things that are so easy to put off for "someday")
- Using my SAD lamp every morning! (I only just got it but I swear it's helping)
- NOT judging myself too harshly if I suddenly don't feel up to doing the work I had planned or posting as much I "should" (Being an entrepreneur brings an EXTRA level of potential self-judgment that's hard to get out of at times.)This is all just a great example of one of the most important lessons of LIFE.You don't get to choose all your circumstances. But you DO get to choose what you do WITH them.What are you choosing to create right now? Whether you're in lockdown or not, I'd love to hear it!

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