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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

How To Feel Better: 4 Simple Steps

by: Jenn

How To Feel Better: 4 Simple Steps

Real talk: feeling better might not sound all that exciting at first, especially for those of us in the manifesting world!

We’re far too busy calling in 2000 new Instagram followers or adding to our shoe collection, right? We’ve got stuff to work on–and when we get that stuff, we’ll feel better so why stress about that right now? Right?

Wrong.

This line of thinking is one of the BIGGEST pitfalls of manifesting. Because of course you can have whatever you want in this world–as long as you know why you want it.

Nothing outside of you can ever truly make you feel better! Sure, some things can fill the void temporarily. But that’s just like putting makeup over a wound. It might look a lot better at first but the problem is far from being healed.

For such an enlightened bunch, this is still a huge issue! We think we know this–but most of us still go through life trying to fix ourselves from the outside in.

If you want to feel better with your life, you need to fix the cause of the problem:

Your thoughts.

Because how you think always determines how you feel.

So if you’re suffering through something in life, it’s time for a little mental TLC.

You can’t change many events or circumstances in life but you can change the way you feel about them!

So in order to feel good, your mind just needs a little tune-up!

The world isn’t conspiring against you! But the thoughts you have about the world are.

When you’re suffering through something, your ego or shadow self has actually stepped in to twist the knife and prove that all your worst fears are coming true!

Of course, that will make you feel terrible. ????

When you’re in the middle of feeling terrible, it will seem like those thoughts are reality–but there’s always a different perspective to take.

All of our senses-touch, smell, taste, sight–are just relaying information to our brain. And our brain, as brilliant as it is, can only process so much information.

Plus, in addition to our limited information, we also all carry around our own mental filters. We all place more importance on some factors than others. We’ve been trained to think the way we do for our entire life.

The real reason we return to our destructive old thought patterns time and time again (“I’m not enough”, “I’m always alone”, “No one can love me”) is because we’ve gotten really good at thinking them.

It literally takes new energy to think a new thought because your brain has to physically build a new neural pathway.

Remember back in school when it sometimes felt impossible to wrap your mind around new concepts? That’s because your brain was literally forming those new connections. It takes mental AND physical effort to think new thoughts.

(This also explains why I was always so freakin’ hungry in class! ????)

That also means that if you’ve lived your whole life with some damaging ideas about yourself, it’s going to take some effort to retrain your mind!

But it’s not impossible!

And once you can train your brain to think about yourself and the world in a new way, you’ll–magically!–start to feel better.

And here’s another secret:

Every goal you could possibly have is never just about the goal!

It’s all about feeling better.

We want a relationship or a million dollars because we think those things will make us feel better! We think that having a partner saying “I love you” will make you feel loved. Or we think that other people envying our bank account will finally boost our self-esteem.

So what happens if you just learn how to feel better–without the stuff?

You totally can! And that’s as good a reason as any to get started feeling better, today! So let’s get started:


How To Feel Better: 4 Simple Steps


How To Feel Better Step #1:

Realize You’re Choosing Your Thoughts

The world around us happens but it’s always our thoughts about the world that truly matter! That’s exactly why something that’s a huge setback for one person might not be for the next.

For example, when I was splitting up with my ex I was pretty caught up in the shame of getting divorced. For me, it was big! However, I also know people who’ve gotten divorced and barely seemed to blink an eye. We went through the same thing but our feelings about it were totally different. So while I suffered, they did not.

The lesson that I want you to see here is that YOU always get to decide on your beliefs! You get to choose whether every event is worth getting upset about or not. In fact, you’re already making those choices, day in and day out. So tell me, how many of those choices are worth it?

Of course, it’s important to honor your values and to set your boundaries. But much of our internal drama doesn’t make a difference to the world at all! The world keeps turning whether we’re angry or upset. And you always have the choice between suffering or not—so which one are you going to pick?


How To Feel Better Step #2:

Get Neutral

When you first start this work, it might be difficult to jump from your doom-and-gloom overly-dramatic way of looking at the world into light and positivity! So instead of doing a complete 180, let’s just go for a neutral thought instead.

Here’s an example: say you’re having a momentary freak out about your weight. You overdid it last night at dinner or maybe your pants suddenly seem much too small. Your usual pattern in this scenario is hours of self-loathing that not only don’t feel very good, but don’t exactly leave you inspired to take any action either!

So let’s try to go somewhere neutral in your mind first instead of into the mental garbage dumps! After you immediately fall into your well-practiced self-hatred routine: “I hate my stomach” etc–it’s time to switch in to neutrality: “I have a stomach”. Everyone has a stomach. A stomach is important! It does stuff. It’s part of being human. It’s nothing to hate or feel shame about. You shouldn’t feel any thing heavy or negative about having one!

The more you can shift your thoughts away from negativity into a neutral place, the better you will feel.


How To Feel Better Step #3:

Choose What Feels Good

After neutrality, the next step is to pick a thought that feels good. However, if you’re attached to the idea of being right, then this part will likely take some creativity and open-mindedness!

So the next time you’re triggered by something in your life, be honest with yourself: is there another explanation for what you see?

(Hint: there always is!)

All too often we jump to the very worst conclusions about life! We assume the worst. We imagine people want to hurt us or are trying to take us down. We invent drama and stories out of thin air!


Maybe that Tinder match who didn’t message you back actually got back with his ex.

Maybe those friends who didn’t invite you out last night were actually planning your birthday.

Maybe the job you wanted really did get a more qualified candidate!

When we assume the worst, we will feel our worst! So why do we keep focusing on the worst possible scenarios instead of the best?

There are many reasons why a certain situation might have occured–and most of those reasons won’t involve you feeling bad. So let’s open our mind to the possibility of good in the world!

So let’s make it a challenge: think of MULTIPLE reasons for what you’ve observed. Then choose to believe in the one that feels the best.


How To Feel Better Step #4:

Keep Training Your Brain

As you’ve learned, not all of our thought patterns are helpful! But they’ve been ingrained over a life time. And it’s not our fault either! Our brain is really just trying to protect us.

We’ve all been hurt as children, in one way or another. (Yes, even those of us with good childhoods!) And our brains are still on hyper-alert, looking for evidence that our childhood fears are coming true. This is where our negative projections about the world come into play. Hello shame, guilt and abandonment issues! ????

Those old fear patterns might be difficult to break, but it’s far from impossible.

It just requires you paying attention to your thoughts and constantly shifting them to something that feels better.

Truthfully, the art of feeling better is more than a five-minute affair! It’s about retraining your brain and throwing out all that old unhelpful and negative programming that’s contributing to you feeling badly about yourself.

It will take more than one afternoon of honesty and reflection to undo your years of pain training! So give yourself the grace to take the time you need, to practice and grow. This practice will get easier and faster over time.




The one core element that comes into my work again and again is mind management. I wholeheartedly believe in our ability to create our own miracles–and that begins with the way we look at the world.

So please take all you’ve learned today to heart and start applying it in your life! Then come back and let me know how it goes.

Thank you guys so much for reading! I ???? you.




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about retrain your brain with affirmations or this one about quick and easy self-care.




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How To Feel Better: 4 Simple Steps

Filed Under: Mindset, Self Work Tagged With: feel better, how to feel better, life coach, mind training, mindset, positivity

Harness The Power Of Your Mind For Good (& Not Evil!)

by: Jenn

Harness The Power Of Your Mind For Good (& Not Evil!)

We’ve all been gifted one of the most powerful tools on earth!

The human brain.

Despite all the incredible advances in technology, there’s still no computer as smart as the human brain!

But even though it’s immensely powerful and unparalleled, it’s not exactly perfect.

Somewhere along the way, the human mind has developed some tendencies that hurt us more than help us. The very behaviors that helped us survive as a species are big part of what’s getting in your way right now!

Above all else, your brain’s job is to keep you safe. But it’s gone into overdrive determining what that means. Few of us are going to actually endanger ourselves while pursuing our dream life! However, the brain doesn’t seem to know that. It still interprets everything that’s new as being potential dangerous.

And when we encounter something dangerous, we want to run away. We want to retreat back to the safety of our comfy sofa and endless hours of Netflix.

But simply understanding how the brain works allows you to work within its framework.


Why keep wasting your energy doing the things you’ve always done when there’s a way to work with it instead?



That’s why mind-training is one of my favorite topics ever. Most people don’t even know this is a thing! But it’s so important. Because once you know how the game works, then you can truly start playing it.

Today let’s take a closer look at one of those tendencies in particular: confirmation bias.

Confirmation bis is our inherent tendency to search for and recall information is such a way that confirms our pre-existing beliefs.

That tendency is just practical to the brain. Your brain likes to save time and energy by recycling through old thoughts. It’s much easier to use those well-worn-in neural pathways rather than using energy to create new ones!

(Remember that feeling of cramming before an exam–when it literally felt like you were cramming new information into your head? Part of that was from literally making your brain perform new tricks by creating new neural pathways. That also explains my eternal hunger during university.)

Efficiency is great in theory! But it also comes with downside.

If some of those thoughts you’ve had a million times aren’t actually supporting you, then it’s extra-difficult to change them.

We decide on a thought then we look for evidence to back it up and to prove that we are right.

We find that evidence so we think we’re right! But there’s always evidence to the contrary. We’ve just gotten really good at blocking that out.

The truly ridiculous thing about confirmation bias is that we all end up fighting to be right about things WE DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO BE RIGHT ABOUT.

Think about that for a minute!

Why keep backing up the negative things we want to believe in life when we COULD look for new things to believe in?

All beliefs are just simple SENTENCES. But we like to put our weight behind them. We chose them as our hill to die on!

We’re really REALLY invested in the process of being right–more so than being happy.

Harness The Power Of Your Mind For Good (& Not Evil!)


This confirmation bias happens without you even noticing it.

But why not put it to work to create the life you WANT to have?

With a little care and attention you can! It’s all just a matter of mind-training.

There actually are only two steps to putting this into practice:


Harness The Power Of Your Mind: Confirmation Bias For Good (& Not Evil!)


Harness The Power Of Your Mind Step #1:

Choose What To Believe



We could start by identifying the things you don’t want to believe in anymore. (But that list might be pretty long!)

So instead let’s zero right in on the ONE THING you’re trying to manifest right now.

What do you want to manifest? What do you want to make true in your reality?

And what would you have to believe to be true in order to make that happen?

Here are some examples of beliefs you might want to incorporate:

  • Money comes to me easily.
  • I always find relationships.
  • People love to pay me for my work.
  • I have a healthy body with little effort.


Harness The Power Of Your Mind Step #2:

Look For Evidence



Now let’s start using confirmation bias consciously to back up our beliefs.

Your brain will catch onto this game pretty fast since you’re building on what it likes to do anyway.

With 100% conviction I tell you this: no matter what belief you have chosen, you will eventually find evidence to support your new belief. You just have to be willing to see it!

So let’s start looking for real-world evidence in your daily life:

If you’re manifesting money and your friend buys you a coffee: Boom! Evidence.

If you’re manifesting a relationship and a cute man sits down next to you at the bar: Boom! Evidence.

Of course, the coffee or the cute man might not be the actual thing you want! They could be seen as just random coincidences. But as a spiritual person, I don’t believe in coincidences! There is meaning everywhere if you decide to see it. And these small experiences can feed your brain the information it craves about the things you want to have happen. Which in turn will create more of those experiences.

And that’s pretty magical!

You’re really just re-training your brain to see the world you want to see, instead of seeing the world you’ve always seen.

In truth, this has always been your choice. You just weren’t aware that it was! But now that you know, what are you going to choose?

Harness The Power Of Your Mind For Good (& Not Evil!)


Go A Step Further

If you really want to nerd out about this (and who doesn’t really?) then take it a step farther and start an evidence journal. (This can be a real notebook or maybe just a note in your phone.) Start writing down everything that supports your vision no matter how flimsy or shaky that evidence might be at first.

This will get the snowball effect of confirmation bias going pretty fast. Try it out for a week or two and see how much your world can change!




Harnessing the power of our mind (through confirmation bias) is a super-charged way of thinking positive and shifting the way you see the world. Just remember that whatever you focus on will expand so please be careful about what you’re choosing! And in fact, that’s the very best part about being a conscious creator.

Have fun with it and let me know what you think!

Much love!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to get into alignment or this one about 7 signs your manifestation is on its way.




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Harness The Power Of Your Mind For Good (& Not Evil!)

Filed Under: Manifesting + Law of Attraction, Self Work Tagged With: confirmation bias, mind power, mind training, power of your mind

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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Getting on the manifestation train, who's coming? Getting on the manifestation train, who's coming?Emoji me below if you're part of Team Manifestation! 👇👇
What do YOU need to believe to create your next le What do YOU need to believe to create your next level-reality?Remember: your old beliefs created the life you're living now.But instead of getting upset about that, it's SO much more useful to think on where we want to go next.So what do YOU want to create?And what do YOU need to believe in order to get there?This is the CREATION part of being a Conscious Creator: meaning that YOU get to decide on what your life looks like. But you also have to do the work to CREATE it, starting from the inside out.So get excited about what YOU are going to start believing in next! &  happy weekend to you #teammanifestation !
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
You're never lost, my darling!And things have ne You're never lost, my darling!And things have never gone wrong.Even when things don't LOOK the way you want them to, always remember:There is magic in this moment--and EVERY moment.So lock it in & double tap to AFFIRM it:I trust that I am right where I am mean to be! ✨✨
Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.S Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.So are you ready to answer the call?I know life doesn't seem so magical at times.And I also know that when you're down or feeling defeated it's REALLY EASY to forget one simple thing.The magic is IN you.And it always has been!Every time we tell ourselves that we're not strong enoughOr good enough or smart enoughOr that we need someone or something ELSE to swoop in and "fix" usWe're opting out of using OUR power.But none of that stuff means that you AREN'T magic.It simply means that you've FORGOTTEN and fallen out of touch.But every day brings us a new opportunity to connect with our TRUTH.So what are YOU going to do with your magic today?How can YOU decide to change your life for the better, even if only by the tiniest degree?If you feel like sharing, drop me a comment below!And if you need a little help unlocking your magic, then reach out! I'm looking for a few special souls who are ready to undo their old ways of being so they can BLOSSOM into their dream life. Is that you? Send me a DM to learn more!
The present creates the past.Or, in other words, The present creates the past.Or, in other words, your STORY about the who, the what, the why IS the only thing that matters.Mindset work won't change the facts of course.It's not going to go back in time to change things or make other people suddenly see the light.(Damnit!)But it can change the person you BECAME because of what happened.Sometimes we close ourselves off to our own miracles because we're clinging so hard to those old stories.When we think that because the past is set in stone, our stories have to stay the same too.I get it though! I used to be SHOCKINGLY ATTACHED to my sob story, firmly stuck in victim mode.All the time DREAMING about where I wanted to go--and confused as to why I wasn't there yet.Fortunately (after a lot of STRUGGLE) I opened my mind to change, massive shifts and MIRACLES.That's why I can tell you that getting stuck in wishing things were different cuts us off from both our power in the present and our ability to process.So know this my beautiful soul: the only liberation we need is our own.When you get brave enough to finally DO that, your whole world really will change.(& PS if you need a little help creating your own miracle, I have a few coaching spots open! Wanna learn more about how to apply this powerful work to your life? Send me a DM & let's chat!)

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