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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

Do You Feel Broken? Here’s How To Reframe

by: Jenn

Do You Feel Broken? Here's How To Reframe

Confession: I used to hate looking at this picture.

This was taken just a few days before the sudden end of my marriage in 2011.

me 2011

Looking at this photo used to make me want to run back in time and warn that girl to RUN. It made me crazy that I couldn’t tell that girl what was coming. It made me crazy that I couldn’t protect myself.

This is all just to tell you that if you feel broken right now, trust me, I know how you feel.

And although I know it won’t take away any of the hurt you’re feeling right now, please know that eventually, you’ll find the light in the experience.

Growth never happens when we’re cozy and secure in our life.

You can try to control your job, your friends, your family, your relationship. And you might even succeed for a little while.

But eventually, life will come along and give us a giant shove out of our comfy zone.

Marriages end. Jobs are eliminated. People die.

There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.
– Leonard Cohen

Let’s be real: it fucking sucks to have your life ripped apart.

There’s not much I (or anyone) can say to lessen the blow of that experience.

There’s nothing anyone can do to take the pain away.

It fucking sucked when I lost my apartment, husband and job in the space of 24 hours.

(OH MAN DID IT SUCK!)

But it had to happen.

I literally would not be sitting here writing this post without that experience.

Back then, I was stuck in an unhealthy relationship.

I had lost faith in myself and in my power.

And I had stopped loving myself long enough to let all of that happen.

I could blame him for everything that happened (and for a long time I did).

But the truth is I had allowed that situation into my life.

I allowed myself to be with someone who sought to control me more than love me.

I had let that energy into my own life.

I had opened the door and let that person walk all over me.

That’s MY low self-esteem issue in the end.

(And it was a harsh thing to realize.)

So when your doors have been kicked down and you’ve spent your reserves, just know that’s where the magic happens.

Everyone experiences a rock-bottom moment.

And that moment frequently becomes the catalyst for profound change.

Thinking back, I was WILDLY unhappy with my marriage and completely stressed about the business I had with my ex.

But I was stuck in the mentality that it was all still worth fighting for.

Losing it all sucked, but you know what?

It’s exactly what I wanted.

I didn’t want to be controlled anymore. I didn’t want a loveless existence. I didn’t want to live my life as the supporting character in someone else’s story.

(Of course it took a long time to realize that.)

But you can’t lie to the Universe.

The Universe always knows exactly what was up.

The separation sucked but it also made me strong. It made me FREE. It made me find myself again.

It made me realize that living under the wing of someone else was NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH.

It made me find my voice. It made me fall in love with myself and create a life that I’m wildly in love with.

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.

The truth is you’re feeling broken because the old version of you no longer exists. You can’t go back to being that person and that’s okay.

You get to figure yourself out all over again. And that’s a fucking rare opportunity in this life.

Feeling broken creates space for huge fundamental shifts in the way we live our life.

We all strive to be happy all the time, but when everything is comfortable and happy, we’re not growing. We’re not challenging ourselves. We’re not seeing what we’re really made of.

But I know:

It’s one thing to jump out of a plane on your own terms. It’s entirely another to be shoved out the door!

But the truth is that either way, you’ll learn something profound about yourself.

You’ll realize how strong you are.

Life isn’t always fair. And all the positive thinking in the world can’t prevent certain things from happening to us.

And it’s okay.

There are a million different ways that losing my entire life made me find myself again.

Before I was broken, I was a creative person. But my career goals were largely self-oriented. Today, my focus is 100% on helping others with my work. I experienced several major shifts of course, but that’s a pretty profound one which has led me here today.

I don’t want to tell you that there’s always a silver lining. I don’t want to tell you that everything works out for the best. I know that when you’re truly down it’s impossible to see either of those things.

I’m sharing this story today just in case one little part of it resonates with you.

Because we all experience hurt and loss and we all hit the bottom at some point.

And knowing that you’re not alone somehow makes it all a little easier.


How To Deal With Feeling Broken: 4 Ways To Reframe


Reframe Feeling Broken Method #1:

Recognize Your Ego Death

For most people, the initial reaction after a major blow is to fight your way back to where you were. After all, you’re experiencing ego death: the things you once thought about yourself and your world are no longer true.

It’s usually not the blow that’s so disturbing. It’s that experiencing major loss means we’ve also lost our sense of identity.

Our brains DO NOT like that! Our sense of self is a powerful thing. It’s the bedrock of how we experience the world. But the reality is that our world is a lot more fluid and changing than our brains let us realize.

You feel like you’re in mourning because you ARE. Although you might not realize it, you’re mourning the person you used to be.

But at the end of it all, YOU ARE the same person without the job, house, parent, spouse etc. It will just take your brain a little while to know that.


Reframe Feeling Broken Method #2:

Coccoon

It’s time to take care of you, boo. During times of stress, it’s easy to forget to sleep or eat or shower. You might not want to do any of those things. But start forcing yourself through the motions. Create distractions in your day. You don’t have to have endless coffee dates or social time but fill your schedule with SOMETHING. Give your emotions a lot of leeway to their thing but don’t (GOD!) give yourself unending times of feeling sorry for yourself.

There’s a huge difference between self-care and wallowing. Your body and mind still work. So even if you don’t feel like it, there’s a lot of different things you can make them do.Book a massage. Join a running group or take a class. Finding something else to focus on is a method of self-care.


Reframe Feeling Broken Method #3:

Surrender

Right now, your life is out of your control. And you know what? It’s all okay.

Control is always just an illusion. When you feel rocked to your very core, the first thing you want to do is grab onto something for dear life.

But don’t forget, you already know how to swim.

The world may have uprooted you but YOU still exist.

It’s a process. I know those words grate on people in times of need because in those times all you want is for someone to tell you EXACTLY how much longer you’re going to feel like shit.

But no one can do that for you. And there’s no way of knowing what’s going to happen next. The dust is still settling around you. And when it settles, you still won’t know exactly what to do because EVERYTHING has changed.

Don’t expect everything to be the same. It won’t be and that’s okay.

Not being in control can be a beautiful thing. It’s funny how the Universe shows up for us, when we let it.


Reframe Feeling Broken Method #4:

Realize It’s All Temporary

Whether you feel good or bad in this current moment, one thing is always true: it’s only temporary. Everything. Good feelings, sad feelings, every other kind of feeling. All of it: temporary.

A year after my traumatic separation, while on vacation in Bali, I got an infinity symbol tattooed on my wrist.

fresh infinity tattoo

I had always had an affinity for that symbol but it served to be a perfect marker of my own survival. Life is always up and down, growth, death and rebirth. We’re constantly being remade and reborn, even when things are going well for us! Nothing is permanent, ever. The only thing we can do is stop to enjoy those beautiful moments as they pass.

Realize it all goes too fast in the end, even these tragic moments. Slow it down, breathe it in and be profoundly grateful that you’re alive.




Throw yourself off the bridge to see if you can fly.

Get slammed up against the rocks because goddamnit, you were trying.

Burn it all down to build it all up again.

There’s a million ways to kill your life (intentionally or not).

It all hurts. It’s fucking hard.

And in the end, it’ll all be okay.

We’re each defined by our challenges, not our safety zone.

We can bow down and give up or come back stronger than before.

You’re a fucking powerful creature. Don’t ever forget it.




Need someone to talk to? Better Help offers affordable therapy and counselling services online, through messaging, phone or video chat. Get the help you need in the privacy of your own home at an affordable rate! Click here to sign up right now with an exclusive 10% discount for readers of The Aligned Life.




By the way, that picture doesn’t make me want to scream anymore.

These days, I take a look at that picture and think “Oh my God, girl you are almost free“.

????




Thank you so much for reading!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to use crystals in your home or this one about how to get what you want.




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Do You Feel Broken? Here's How To Reframe

Filed Under: Self Work Tagged With: feel broken, reframe

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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You're never lost, my darling!And things have ne You're never lost, my darling!And things have never gone wrong.Even when things don't LOOK the way you want them to, always remember:There is magic in this moment--and EVERY moment.So lock it in & double tap to AFFIRM it:I trust that I am right where I am mean to be! ✨✨
Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.S Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.So are you ready to answer the call?I know life doesn't seem so magical at times.And I also know that when you're down or feeling defeated it's REALLY EASY to forget one simple thing.The magic is IN you.And it always has been!Every time we tell ourselves that we're not strong enoughOr good enough or smart enoughOr that we need someone or something ELSE to swoop in and "fix" usWe're opting out of using OUR power.But none of that stuff means that you AREN'T magic.It simply means that you've FORGOTTEN and fallen out of touch.But every day brings us a new opportunity to connect with our TRUTH.So what are YOU going to do with your magic today?How can YOU decide to change your life for the better, even if only by the tiniest degree?If you feel like sharing, drop me a comment below!And if you need a little help unlocking your magic, then reach out! I'm looking for a few special souls who are ready to undo their old ways of being so they can BLOSSOM into their dream life. Is that you? Send me a DM to learn more!
The present creates the past.Or, in other words, The present creates the past.Or, in other words, your STORY about the who, the what, the why IS the only thing that matters.Mindset work won't change the facts of course.It's not going to go back in time to change things or make other people suddenly see the light.(Damnit!)But it can change the person you BECAME because of what happened.Sometimes we close ourselves off to our own miracles because we're clinging so hard to those old stories.When we think that because the past is set in stone, our stories have to stay the same too.I get it though! I used to be SHOCKINGLY ATTACHED to my sob story, firmly stuck in victim mode.All the time DREAMING about where I wanted to go--and confused as to why I wasn't there yet.Fortunately (after a lot of STRUGGLE) I opened my mind to change, massive shifts and MIRACLES.That's why I can tell you that getting stuck in wishing things were different cuts us off from both our power in the present and our ability to process.So know this my beautiful soul: the only liberation we need is our own.When you get brave enough to finally DO that, your whole world really will change.(& PS if you need a little help creating your own miracle, I have a few coaching spots open! Wanna learn more about how to apply this powerful work to your life? Send me a DM & let's chat!)
And now for a quick message from your Higher Self: And now for a quick message from your Higher Self:Love yourself enough to LET IT GOBreathe deep & have a happy Sunday my beautiful babes!
You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn

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