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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

by: Jenn

Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

Self-actualization: it’s that magical state of walking your walk and talking your talk. When I think of self-actualized people I think of those who’ve found massive success on their own terms. (Gary Vaynerchuk springs to mind!)

These are the people that fill us with envy. Wouldn’t life be so much better if we could just do what X or Y did?

So what separates these superstars from the rest of us?

The thing is there’s often not that much different between you and those you look up to. Of course, being successful requires showing up and putting in the work. But few people are born entrepreneurs or writers or public speakers. Most of those success stories have put in a lot of work to get where they are.

But there is one invisible element of success that you may not have considered:

The ability to face your fears.

We all tend to gloss over the reality of successful people’s backgrounds. We think they’re just lucky or extra talented. We don’t realize that those people have had to face many of the exact same obstacles that we do.

Successful people have just as many fears as you do! The only difference is that they have learned how to manage their fear instead of letting their fear manage them. No one is truly fearless! The successful have just figured out how to be afraid and still do the damn thing.

Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

But I get it: many of us don’t even realize just how much fear affects our life! After all, it’s not like you walk around quaking with fear whenever you encounter a new situation, right? So maybe you’re not even aware that fear is getting in your way.

So let me ask you this: what’s the real reason you haven’t asked out the guy or the girl? Or submitted your resume to the company you really want to work for? Or had the tough conversation with your husband or wife?

When we’re willing to be honest, the truth becomes plain as day: fear is what’s holding you back from living your best life.

However, I also don’t blame you for not noticing this truth! And here’s why: fear is really good at hiding itself. Our brain loves to invent a lot of stories about why we don’t need to push ourselves out of our comfort zone.

But those stories are just mental armour of sorts: they’re allowing us to play small while totally avoiding the real underlying reason we’re not taking action.

We sugarcoat our fear. We create stories around it. And we’re so good at doing it that we don’t even realize that we’re doing it!

Change is scary. Putting ourselves out there in new ways is terrifying! And growth doesn’t always feel very good.

But if you’re committed to creating the life of your dreams (and to stepping out of living life by default), then you need to get cozy with your own fears.

The worst thing we can do about fear is deny that we even have it! Because once we can see what our fear really is, it becomes much easier to manage.

The shadows in the closet aren’t scary at all once you turn the light on! So let’s turn the light on inside our own internal closet. Here are the ten most common fears we all must face on the road to success, as well as some advice on how to get over them.


Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them


Fear #1: Fear of Uncertainty

Human beings are planners by nature. We love to know what we’re doing today, tomorrow, next week, even next year. We love things to be in order and to make sense! So we also tend to forget the very nature of reality:

Things fall off the rails All. The. Freakin. Time.

Planning can only take you so far! People change their minds, companies change directions or close down. We’re surrounded by all kinds of things that are outside of our control! But we don’t like to acknowledge that uncertainty.

Planning our life in advance is not a guarantee of anything! There’s that wonderful old saying “make plans and watch God laugh”. Yet we still fool ourselves into thinking that our future is certain, just because we’ve planned it!

Nothing is certain babes, no matter how much you want it to be! But acknowledging our lack of control can actually be a huge relief. When you know certainty is never real, you stop taking responsibility for the things out of your control and that is truly liberating.


Fear #2: Fear of Failure

One of the most common fears preventing you from making progress is the fear of failure. Think about the things you want to call into your life–and now think about how not achieving them would feel?

Ugh, right?

The problem here is that we tend to get overly wrapped up in our own narrative. We worry about what other people will think if we don’t achieve our goals! But in real life, no one’s paying that much attention to you. Everybody’s worrying about their own journey, not obsessing over yours.

Besides, failures are really only failures if you think of them that way! Instead, I prefer to think of everything as a learning experience. If you don’t get something right the first time, you get to try again! Sometimes it takes us a few times to get things right but if we just gave up the first time we’d miss out on so much in life.

So don’t make anything all or nothing! You’ll always get something out of the experience even if things don’t work out exactly the way you want them to. But the game’s not over! And only you get to decide what to do with this experience.


Fear #3: Fear of Rejection

Humans are social creatures. At heart, we’re pack animals and that tendency served an important evolutionary purpose. Back when we were out hunting our meals every day, those who lived together had a better survival rate than those who tried to go it alone. Indeed, being shunned by your community was often equal to death.

While we’ve moved on from that experience, our lizard brain hasn’t. So even though we’re not in imminent danger, being rejected by those around us carries a powerful punch. We often experience those same symptoms as the fear of death: racing heart, sweatiness, out-and-out panic.

To combat this fear, just try to remember all the times you were rejected by someone but didn’t actually die (ie. all of them!). It’s very useful to show your brain how you not only survived the situation but also how you probably don’t even care all that much about the rejection anymore. Rejection stings in the moment but it leads most of us to a better space eventually! Reminding yourself of this fact can help get you over your fear of experiencing rejection again.


Fear #4: Fear of Change

We have an awfully peculiar relationship with change! While we might have a laundry-list of things we want to change in our life, when it comes down to it we often talk ourselves out of the very things that we want.

That’s because change goes hand-in-hand with the unknown–and the unknown is downright terrifying. Again, our brain loves order. It loves to understand the world around us. When things change, we get very uncomfortable. And even though we might not realize it, our brain is actively trying to avoid change. It interprets all change as dangerous, even though few things are actually physically dangerous in this day and age!

It’s time to face the truth: you can’t create the life of your dreams without pushing yourself out of your comfort zone! It’s time to start embracing the fear of change as just a part of life rather than something you need to avoid.


Fear #5: Fear of Losing Control

Control is something we all love to think we have over our life! Again, we love to plan and by planning we think that we also get some control over how the world will work. But that’s definitely not true!

Planning can only get you so far! We can try to plan how things are going to work out all we want but we can’t ever fully predict what will happen in real life until we actually experience it. Research is only so useful. But we learn the most from real life and all the research and planning in the world won’t change that.

To get past this fear, it’s important to realize that there are many factors that are out of your control. Control is always just an illusion! So if you never had it, what’s the harm in losing it? As you can see, it’s ridiculous to let fear of losing control hold you back from what you want.


Fear #6: Fear of Judgment

Tied very closely with our fear of rejection is our fear of judgment. We fear being found to be lacking, especially when the person judging us might not have the entire picture.

The funny thing is, as much as we fear being judged, we’re pretty good at judging those around us! Even when you don’t think of yourself as being a judgmental person, we’re conditioned to constantly judge and rate those around us. (“Hmmmm that girl claims to be spiritual but did she meditate as much as I did this morning?”) That’s exactly where the fear comes from! When you judge everyone else, you think everyone else is judging you too.

Worrying too much about being judged can lead you to living a closed-off life. One way to avoid judgment is to avoid sharing your true nature with the world around you. But closing yourself off to real connection will leave you feeling alone and—duh! disconnected from those around you. The one thing all humans crave is a feeling of connection with those around us. But obviously we can’t do that unless we’re willing to get vulnerable ourselves.

Yes, it can be scary to bare your soul and put yourself out there. But you can’t find true happiness unless you brave that experience. Saving yourself from judgment is never worth the price you must pay!


Fear #7: Fear of Inadequacy

Tied closely with the fear of judgment is the fear of inadequacy. Being told we’re inadequate is rough. But it mostly hurts because it take away our sense of control. If someone judges us and deems us lacking, we rarely get a second chance.

However, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with being deemed inadequate. In most situations, you can take action to remedy the problem. More practice or learning will get you a long way! Remember, there’s really no such thing as failure. So someone telling you’ve got it wrong shouldn’t be a big deal. You can always go back and learn more–unless you decide that it’s impossible.

The dead-end’s in our life are usually of our own making–and if they’re not, take refuge in the thought that that person or thought just wasn’t meant for you anyway! What’s meant for you won’t miss you, so don’t spend too much time worrying about someone deeming you inadequate.


Fear #8: Fear of Getting Hurt

Wouldn’t it be great to skate through life without any heartbreak, misunderstandings or strife? Of course it would! The problem is isn’t a reality for anyone. Being a human is a tricky business! That means occasionally someone does something that hurts us or we pin our hopes on something without any real-life evidence to back those hopes up.

Most of the time, experiencing hurt is the result of our own unmet expectations. We think the world is going to work a certain way but when it doesn’t we get upset. However, our expectations are just a creation in our own mind! They often have no real reflection of what’s going on in the real world. Essentially, we always just hurt ourselves.

To combat your fear of getting hurt, you have to analyze why you’re feeling the way you are. Where did your expectation come from? Why did you formulate that desire? Once you can see how getting hurt is typically a result of our own errors in thinking, then you can begin safe-gaurding against it by changing your own thoughts.


Fear #9: Fear of Something Bad Happening

When things are going well–really well–have you ever looked around and thought to yourself “Things are just too good to be true! Something bad’s going to happen!” This form of self-sabotage is actually a reflection of our upper limit problem. When we’re not used to feeling really good, sometimes we do something drastic to make sure we don’t: missing an important meeting, picking a fight or cheating on a wonderful relationship.

So it’s not that something bad is bound to happen when things are good! It’s that we don’t know how to deal with all that goodness, so we create a negative situation out of our own insecurities.

Feeling good is an art all too itself and sometimes we’re just don’t have that much practice at it. So forgive yourself if you sometimes find yourself expecting the worst! But once you notice it, it’s time to take action. Remember that what you focus on expands! So putting time and effort into thinking those defeatist thoughts will never create anything good. Now’s as good a time as any to stop doubling down on what you don’t want and start embracing what you do.


Fear #10: Fear of Missing Out

It’s true: FOMO is real–and it can be debilitating. This fear is a little different from the rest because it deflects our attention from what we really want in life. The way this usually plays out is by taking your focus away from the things that are truly important to you. Our time is limited but that means you have to mindful of where you spend your time! So do you choose working out (and committing to your weight loss goals) or do you choose another Netflix marathon?

FOMO also has another drawback. Wishing you were somewhere else takes your attention away from where you are. But we can only ever find happiness and peace when we land in the now. The past and future (or some other present moment) can only bring anxiety or depression because you are not there. Learning to enjoy the choice you’ve made and the current moment that you occupy will always make you feel so much better in the end.




Above all else, if there’s one thing I want you to take away from this post make it this: fear is normal. It’s natural! And it’s definitely not a sign that you need to stop what you’re doing! We actually start to feel fear right before the moments of our biggest catalysts for change. So fear actually means you’re doing something right, not doing something wrong!

Don’t let fear hold you back from what you want! And remember this process isn’t about becoming fearless. Rather, embrace your fear and decide to take action anyway.

Need a little help? Then get in touch about booking a one-on-one coaching package! Let’s bust through your fear blocks together!




So tell me: what kind of fears are you experiencing the most? How are you going to start taking action to change that fear?

I hope this post inspires you to take action against whatever it is that’s holding you back!

Thank you so much for reading! As always, I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below.




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about getting to know your own power or this one about 4 ways to use intentions to change your life.




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Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

Your 10 Most Common Fears & How To Deal With Them

Filed Under: Manifesting Blocks, Self Work, Shadow Work Tagged With: facing fear, fear, most common fears, motivation

How To (Finally!) Face Your Fear

by: Jenn

How To (Finally!) Face Your Fear

When someone asks you why you haven’t done the things you really want to in life, what’s your answer?

I don’t know how. I’m not ready. I’m not sure. etc etc.

All of those things might seem legit on the surface. But when you take the time to look a little deeper, you’ll notice that they all come from the exact same place.

Fear.

Fear isn’t always heart-pounding, knuckle-whitening panic.

In fact, most of the time it’s a lot more subtle than that!

It’s the voice that’s telling you not to bother trying because you’re going to fail. It’s the voice that tells you you’re not good enough or that people are going to laugh at you. It’s the voice saying you’re not done yet, that you need help, that it’ll only work if you you were younger/smarter/knew the right people/went to a better school.

Fear is always the real reason we haven’t achieved our dreams. And it’s so good at it’s job that you might not even realize that it’s there.

Your brain’s #1 job is to keep you safe. Your body wants to you live and procreate and it’s been programmed to do exactly that. So your brain got really good at figuring out where danger was because a really long time ago danger actually meant something.

When humans experienced fear back then it was because something was coming to eat you or that your life was in immediate danger!

But today we experience fear when we have to get up in front of a crowd and give a speech. Which is not exactly a life-threatening situation (even though at times it very much feels like it)!

We are the ancestors of people who survived.

But unfortunately, our brain’s fear muscles have gotten a little overdeveloped. Nowadays they’re so good at detecting fear that they interpret all kinds of things as being dangerous, even when they’re very much not. So in that way, fear is just an illusion in our own mind.


The more you can focus on what the actual problem is, the less of a hold fear will have over you.



Our unacknowledged fears are the worst of all! You must always name it to change it. So if you don’t know what you’re actually afraid of, you’ll never have the chance to move on.

One of fear’s most insidious tricks is the excuse. They’re the stories we tell to rationalize our life. Our excuses seem solid and logical to us but when it comes down to it, they’re anything but. They’re actually just make-believe!

If you want to create the life of your dreams, you’ll have to learn how to face your fears.

There’s no way to branch out and experience new things in life without finding yourself in a scary new scenario!

But doubting yourself or even straight-up self-sabotaging yourself isn’t doing you any favours.

Staying safe won’t make you happy at the end of your life! Safe is BORING. And it goes against your very nature as a constantly growing and evolving human.

Look at it this way: everything you want is on the other side of your fear!

So the more fear you can bring up and tackle head-on, the further down the road to happiness you’ll be.


3 Important Facts About Fear


Fear Fact #1: Fear Is A Natural Part Of Life



Here’s the bad news my darlings: there will never EVER come a day where you will have passed everything you are afraid of and will never have to deal with fear ever again. We’re always growing, changing and expanding which means we’re also creating new experiences all the time. And new experiences are where fear lies.

One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve seen when it comes to personal development is the perfection myth: that if we do enough work on ourselves, we won’t ever have to exert ourselves or face fear ever again.

But no matter how successful you become, you will always face new challenges and with new challenges come fears and doubts. Those things won’t ever go away so it’s foolish to think you can change them! Instead, it’s time we start accepting that fear is a natural part of life and start learning how to deal with it the right way.


Fear Fact #2: Fear Isn’t A Sign That Something Is Wrong



Most people misinterpret fear to mean something more than it is. But being afraid does not have any reflection on your actual talents or abilities! Even Beyonce and Serena Williams still experience fear at times. (I guarantee it!)

Simply being afraid of something isn’t a sign that you shouldn’t bother trying. It’s natural. It’s normal and you are perfectly capable of being afraid and still doing the damn thing!


Fear Fact #3: Worry Doesn’t Help Anything



Incessant worrying and anxiety are also playing a trick on you. They pose as your friends: they fool you into believing that if you think about something look enough you’ll be able to make the “right” decision. So worrying almost seems like a good thing to do with your time!

But let’s make no mistake: it’s not. There’s actually no way to worry your way into the right answer! The best way to figure anything out is always by doing.




So now that we’ve figure out what fear really is, it’s time to start facing those fears! Here are six proven techniques to move past your fear and start making progress:


How To (Finally!) Face Your Fear


How To Face Your Fears Step #2:

Practice



Fortunately for all of us, fear doesn’t have to be the boss! Mastering your fears is a skill that can be learned. But contrary to what you might think, this process isn’t about becoming fearless. It’s about learning to feel the fear and take action anyway, even when your brain is busy trying to talk you out of it.

Again, your brain is just trying to keep you safe and it’s going to keep coming up with new ways to do that! So it’s up to you to learn how to disregard this helpfulness and take action anyway.


How To Face Your Fears Step #2:

Reality Check



Most of the time we make our fear mean so much more than what they actually mean! Again, I’m a big fan of “name it to change it” philosophy. Simply walking through your “worst case scenarios” will quickly illustrate how small our fears really are.

For example, say you want to quit your job to start a business or travel for a year. What’s the worst case scenario? Losing all of your savings and having to go work in a coffee shop? So what if that happens for a little while? It might not be ideal but it also wouldn’t be the end of the world. Your life doesn’t stop there! You’re going to keep going no matter what happens and the story only ends when you say it does.


How To Face Your Fears Step #3:

Take Action

Many times the thing we’re most afraid of is making the wrong choice. But we cheat ourselves out of reality here. There’s just no way to logic your way to the right decision! You need to try things out to figure out what works and what doesn’t.

So that means you must also become comfortable with failure. Contrary to what most of us think, failure isn’t the end of the world! It’s high time to reframe what failure actually means. For me, failure is just part of the process that helps you find the right answer. Because when you know what doesn’t work, you’re also closer to what does.


How To Face Your Fears Step #4:

Consider The Cost Of Inaction



Fear is paralyzing. But as we’ve learned, waiting to just think of the right answer never works! So when you’re faced with making a scary decision, the real question to ask yourself is what will happen if I don’t do anything?

Our brain likes to think that if we continue to mull things over, we’ll somehow arrive at a logical conclusion. But time keeps passing as we mull things over and sometimes that means that the ability to make a decision is also removed from us entirely.

Being able to make a decision is a gift but there is usually a short window of opportunity. When you’re standing on the precipice trying to decide whether or not to jump, the answer is ALWAYS to jump. You have the power to decide so please use it! Don’t wait for the cliff to disappear entirely.


How To Face Your Fears Step #5:

Model Your Behavior



One of my favorite ways to face my fears is to think about someone who embodies the qualities you want to emulate. How would that person deal with the situation? What would they think about it? How would the feel about it? And what would they do?

Yes, this is faking it until you make it! But humans can actually learn a lot from watching and modeling ourselves after other people. You’re actually doing this all the time subconsciously!

The only difference here is to make this process conscious: pick someone who seems fearless in the area that you feel lacking in. And then figure out how to try on some of their personality and attitude. It’s funny how simply pretending to be someone else can shift our perspective so much sometimes it gives you just enough of an attitude adjustment to get the job done.


How To Face Your Fears Step #6:

Keep Records



For some reason, humans seem hard-wired to focus on our flaws instead of all of our attributes. (Do you remember any of the compliments you’ve received last year? Well, what about what some rude kid said to you in third grade? I rest my case.)

So whenever you feel fear, it’s time to start remembering all the times you’ve succeeded against your own fears in your past. Just write them down in a notebook or on your phone and keep tracking them! When you see them all together as a group, you’ll see just how often you’ve succeeded and that will give you more confidence.

We’ve all taken a deep breath and jumped at some point. It doesn’t even matter if things worked out or not! The point is just that you already have a history of taking action while feeling unsure or anxious. This exercise just helps to underline the fact that you are a capable human being and there’s literally nothing you can’t do!




Whew! That was a long post but I really hope you found some value in it! Fear is something we all have to deal with and unfortunately, it’s not something they teach you how to do in school. (But it would be if I had any say about things!) Fear is normal and natural but it’s also very manageable if you’re willing to put in the work.

As always, thank you so much for reading! Much love to you all. ????

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life



PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how unconditional love can change your life or this one about 10 ways to raise your vibe.




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How To (Finally!) Face Your Fear

Filed Under: Self Work, Shadow Work Tagged With: facing fear, fear

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.S Right now, your SOUL is calling for your magic.So are you ready to answer the call?I know life doesn't seem so magical at times.And I also know that when you're down or feeling defeated it's REALLY EASY to forget one simple thing.The magic is IN you.And it always has been!Every time we tell ourselves that we're not strong enoughOr good enough or smart enoughOr that we need someone or something ELSE to swoop in and "fix" usWe're opting out of using OUR power.But none of that stuff means that you AREN'T magic.It simply means that you've FORGOTTEN and fallen out of touch.But every day brings us a new opportunity to connect with our TRUTH.So what are YOU going to do with your magic today?How can YOU decide to change your life for the better, even if only by the tiniest degree?If you feel like sharing, drop me a comment below!And if you need a little help unlocking your magic, then reach out! I'm looking for a few special souls who are ready to undo their old ways of being so they can BLOSSOM into their dream life. Is that you? Send me a DM to learn more!
The present creates the past.Or, in other words, The present creates the past.Or, in other words, your STORY about the who, the what, the why IS the only thing that matters.Mindset work won't change the facts of course.It's not going to go back in time to change things or make other people suddenly see the light.(Damnit!)But it can change the person you BECAME because of what happened.Sometimes we close ourselves off to our own miracles because we're clinging so hard to those old stories.When we think that because the past is set in stone, our stories have to stay the same too.I get it though! I used to be SHOCKINGLY ATTACHED to my sob story, firmly stuck in victim mode.All the time DREAMING about where I wanted to go--and confused as to why I wasn't there yet.Fortunately (after a lot of STRUGGLE) I opened my mind to change, massive shifts and MIRACLES.That's why I can tell you that getting stuck in wishing things were different cuts us off from both our power in the present and our ability to process.So know this my beautiful soul: the only liberation we need is our own.When you get brave enough to finally DO that, your whole world really will change.(& PS if you need a little help creating your own miracle, I have a few coaching spots open! Wanna learn more about how to apply this powerful work to your life? Send me a DM & let's chat!)
And now for a quick message from your Higher Self: And now for a quick message from your Higher Self:Love yourself enough to LET IT GOBreathe deep & have a happy Sunday my beautiful babes!
You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because you ALWAYS manifest from your subconscious mind.Meaning you WILL play out old programs and ideas over and over again.Until YOU decide enough's enough! And do the work to REPROGRAM your mind to reflect what it you want and who you need to be.But sometimes, this work doesn't FEEL like it's doing anything.Those little tiny shifts on the inside are close to invisible--which might even make you doubt that it's happening at all.But trust me gorgeous, it IS.Keep taking tiny steps forward.Keep doubling down on who you WANT to be.TRUST the process and understandThat little by little, bit by bitIt all adds upUntil one day you look around and realize: I'm already there.
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn

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