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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

The Real Reasons Why You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself

by: Jenn

The Real Reasons Why You Don't Feel Good About Yourself

No matter what you’re after in life (money, love, fame etc.) there’s a common reason behind it all:

We just want to feel good.

We want to feel happy, to feel confident or to feel (finally!) worthy of something bigger. So while our individual goals are all a little bit different the common driving force behind them all is typically the same.

Most of us spend much of our lives chasing down something on the outside, in an attempt to make our inside feel good–even though this doesn’t really work!

Instead, as soon as we achieve something we realize that we want something else–and so end up on a treadmill of chasing the promise of feeling good but never quite getting there.

While goals are wonderful to have, it’s so important to realize that they have nothing to do with how we feel on the inside! Our inner game is an entirely different creature and one that only we have the ability to change for the better.

The one thing that I really want you to know today is that feeling good about yourself is not natural for most of us! Yes, it should be our default factory setting–but unfortunately, a lot of factors get in the way and prevent that from happening.

Curious about what those factors might be? There are actually a lot of reasons why you don’t feel good about yourself but today I’m going to share six of the biggest ones with you, so you can understand your own inner world just a little more.


6 Reasons You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #1:

Limiting Beliefs


Almost every single person in the world believes something about the world that is ultimately damaging to themselves.

I know right now you might be asking: “Why would I believe in something that was damaging or limiting to me?” Yet we all do exactly that! Most of these limiting beliefs are things we were taught as children, when we did not yet have our conscious mind to act as a “gatekeeper”. Before the age of seven, everything we learn goes straight into our subconscious mind, where it will live forever.

A lot of this stuff has in fact been around for so long that we just regard it as part of our identity: “I’m shy / not athletic / not artistic / bad at math / not pretty enough” ETC. But are those things really true? You might be quick to label yourself with these things but have those ideas really applied to you over your entire lifetime? Or–if you think about it–can you challenge yourself to see some moments when they were very much not the case? ????

Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy! And most of us are telling ourselves “no” based on these outdated, old and empirically untrue ideas. So yes! One of the biggest reasons why you’re not happy with yourself is because you’ve believed these limiting ideas too much and for too long.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #2:

Inner Mean Girl/Guy


Let me introduce you to one of your biggest barriers to happiness and self-worth: your Inner Critic. We all have an Inner Mean Girl/Guy who takes over the show in our mind far too often. But most people don’t understand where this voice is really coming from–so they begin to identify it as themselves.

But as loud as it can be, that voice isn’t really you–nor is it actually telling you the truth! It’s really just your ego mind doing it’s best to “protect” you: by keeping you feeling afraid or unworthy enough that you just won’t bother trying anything new.

It’s definitely not a voice of reason or an accurate representation of what you’re really capable of! But, for those of us who have not done inner work, we believe what this voice tells us–and that makes it very hard indeed for us to be feel good about ourselves.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #3:

Societal Programming


Turn on your TV or open a magazine for a minute and take a real look at all the ads you see. It’s an unfortunate but true: modern advertising works on the premise of making us feel bad. We’re supposed to feel just a little bit too old/fat/uncool/stupid so we’ll be motivated enough to buy whatever it is that’s being advertised.

That might seem obvious: of course businesses want to make money and they won’t shy away from emotional manipulation in order to do that! But years and years of this subconscious messaging isn’t without consequence.

TV is particularly devastating at this task because our brain goes into a hypnotic state while we’re watching. We tell ourselves that we can “tune out” commercials but our subconscious brain is paying attention–and it’s getting the message: we’re almost good enough to not feel shame. But if we just bought this/did this/looked like this, then we’d finally be worthy of love.

What a terrible way to treat our fellow humans! And most of us are not even aware of what’s happening. But make no mistake–since we’re all subjected to this negative mind programming, we all need to do some real inner work in order to counteract it.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #4:

Living Life For Others


People-pleasing might not seem all that destructive at first glance. What’s wrong with wanting to make other people happy? But for too many of us, this behavior comes with a destructive secret cost. When we learn to value other people’s happiness above our own, we end up becoming a slave to them–and we lose ourselves in the process.

There’s nothing wrong with being nice and thinking of others! But for many of us–especially women!–we’ve been socialized to always put others first. As the saying goes, you must always put on your own oxygen mask first. If you deplete your energy and happiness trying to help someone else, then that is your own fault. No one else is inside of you to see when the emotional/energetic tanks are getting low. And while it might seem like everyone else is taking you for granted, it’s really you that let the situation get this way.

That might be a tough pill to swallow at first but when you really understand this concept, it becomes liberation. You can still do things for others but when you prioritize yourself first, you won’t end up sacrificing yourself in the process.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #5:

The Perfectionism Myth


You might not label yourself as a perfectionist–yet many of us are secret perfectionists and don’t even know it! But creating an unattainable standard in our mind can be damaging to our current state of happiness.



If you believe that you can’t do something until you have every last detail figured out, you’re a perfectionist.

If you believe that achieving one thing will make all your other problems go away, you’re a perfectionist.

If you’re constantly comparing yourself to other people, then YES you might be a perfectionist–and all that perfectionism is probably doing a good job of keeping you very unhappy.

Perfectionism is insidious because often we think we’re just “being honest” or that it’s a true way to motivate ourselves. But in fact, we’re just setting ourselves up to feel terrible! Of course it’s going to be hard to feel happy if we’ve also told ourselves that we’re not allowed to be happy yet or if we’re constantly falling short of some imagined ideal. When we tie up our ideas of happiness with an ideal that can never be attained, we throw away our own ability to feel good along with it.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #6:

Lack Of Emotional Intelligence


Do you know how your brain works? Confession: for a long time I didn’t! I even went to school and got a psychology degree, which taught me a lot about physiology and all that good stuff. But it wasn’t until I started taking classes for coaching and working on my own mindset that I really understood how to use this thing the right way.

Fact: feeling bad about yourself can become a very bad habit. After a certain amount of time, thinking the same sh*tty old thoughts about yourself at some point they become your default–they’re not even something you think about anymore. They just become the sh*t colored glasses that you view your life through.

Learning how to understand and operate your brain the right way is life-changing–and in fact, I wish this was a skill we were all taught in school! But if you don’t feel good about yourself right now, just please know this: you can learn to feel good about yourself when you learn to use your brain the right way.




Please don’t take this post as just doom and gloom. I want you to know that not all hope is lost! While there are some very real obstacles in our way, we still always have the power to retrain our brain and reprogram ourselves for happiness. The first step of the fight is simply knowing what you’re up against!



Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




PS READ THIS NEXT: Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough! 3 Subconscious Blocks To Manifestation




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The Real Reasons Why You Don't Feel Good About Yourself

The Real Reasons Why You Don't Feel Good About Yourself

Filed Under: Happiness, Life Coaching, Self Work Tagged With: don't feel good, low confidence, self-esteem, self-worth

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because you ALWAYS manifest from your subconscious mind.Meaning you WILL play out old programs and ideas over and over again.Until YOU decide enough's enough! And do the work to REPROGRAM your mind to reflect what it you want and who you need to be.But sometimes, this work doesn't FEEL like it's doing anything.Those little tiny shifts on the inside are close to invisible--which might even make you doubt that it's happening at all.But trust me gorgeous, it IS.Keep taking tiny steps forward.Keep doubling down on who you WANT to be.TRUST the process and understandThat little by little, bit by bitIt all adds upUntil one day you look around and realize: I'm already there.
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yours What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yourself?💜To not CRAVE that outside approval or validation?To forget about other people's opinions or what they say behind your back?To not motivate yourself to move TOWARDS something only because you cannot stand where you are?This just goes to show that as much as we all LOATHE to admit it, so much of what we do is based off of artificially leveraging ourselves UP.If so-and-so would only say "good job"If that person would LOVE meIf I finally did [ insert arbitrary goal here ]THEN I could finally feel good and actually TRULY love myself.Sometimes we all get our wires crossed on this at times. (Myself included!)We focus on the future fantasy that our issues will MAGICALLY disappear once X/Y/Z happens.And we chase the things outside of us, forgetting that the ONLY place our true happiness lies is within ourselves.I'm here to warn you:You could run the whole race of life and NOT get what you think you need from other people.You could meet milestone after milestone and still NEVER feel like you measure up. 😩ORYou could start being enough, right here, right now.Enough = you as you are, flaws, mistakes and all.Enough = you without anyone else.Enough = you.💗Happy Thursday Conscious Creator friends!
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to fe It's a FACT of life: you're simply NOT going to feel good all the time.And that's okay!Not gonna lie: the last month or so has been rough for me.The darkness of winter + strict lockdowns/limited holiday celebrations were TOUGH.I've definitely had my moments of letting it all get to me.But that doesn't mean anything has gone wrong.It doesn't mean that I'm somehow failing.And it definitely does NOT mean I'm putting more space between me and my manifestation goals.Even with the BEST of intentions, life is 50/50. Expecting perfection at any time will ONLY set you up for disappointment.Feeling frustrated, down, exhausted: those are all normal feelings for anyone experiencing a pandemic (plus general winter blues/ political chaos etc.)So while I don't want to create MORE of those feelings, I'm also not going to judge myself for having them.Making your feelings WRONG does not speed you up back into feeling better. It only creates self-loathing and resistance.Are you feeling the same? Here are a few things that are helping me right now:- Just letting myself cry if I feel like it (Sometimes 10 minutes of a good cry is a sufficient release!)
- Concentrating on pandemic-lockdown friendly goals that I CAN achieve (Doing pilates every day, meditation + Manifestation Journaling)
- Taking a break from drinking (I only drank about once a week anyway! But why not try going without it for a month?)
- Doing more behind-the-scenes entrepreneur stuff (The kinds of things that are so easy to put off for "someday")
- Using my SAD lamp every morning! (I only just got it but I swear it's helping)
- NOT judging myself too harshly if I suddenly don't feel up to doing the work I had planned or posting as much I "should" (Being an entrepreneur brings an EXTRA level of potential self-judgment that's hard to get out of at times.)This is all just a great example of one of the most important lessons of LIFE.You don't get to choose all your circumstances. But you DO get to choose what you do WITH them.What are you choosing to create right now? Whether you're in lockdown or not, I'd love to hear it!
The one constant in life is CHANGE.So you might The one constant in life is CHANGE.So you might as well get excited about it all and take the reigns of choosing WHAT you’re changing into.
Your choice: unconscious change vs becoming a Conscious CreatorWhat’s it going to be?
————————————————————————
with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn

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