breakup Archives | The Aligned Life

After every breakup, the time inevitably comes when you find yourself wondering:

What do I do with all the stuff?

Whether you lived together or not, spent years together or only weeks, you’ve probably got some keepsakes or gifts leftover from your relationship.

All of those physical objects are energetic ties to something that is no longer in your life.

No matter how good or bad the breakup was, the bottom line is that it’s much more difficult to move on from the past when you’re still surrounded by it!

Of course, this is often easier said than done! Decluttering after a breakup is a naturally loaded topic. You have put a lot of energy and time into something that you’re now saying goodbye to. Being faced with the physical leftovers can feel like an extra punch to the gut.

But while you might not feel up to the job, the sooner you make a game plan and tackle the project, the better.

Try thinking of all that old energy like sitting in dirty bath water. Your home is full of energy that you are surrounded by, day in and day out. After a breakup, some of that energy is no longer serving you so it’s smart to take steps to cut those energetic ties and start over fresh.

I’ve received this question twice in the last few weeks so I was inspired to share some thoughts.

Think of it this way: getting rid of things creates the space to allow new energy into your life.

Decluttering is an important part of my manifesting practice. If you want to create space to receive, you’ve got to start making room in your space or calendar.

Just remember the Universe will always rush in to fill a void! Getting rid of things physically often makes it easier for you to get over things mentally too.

5 Steps For Decluttering After A Breakup

Decluttering After A Breakup Step #1:

Purge

Physical objects hold energy. So when you hold onto mementos from the past, you’re literally linking yourself to another time/place/person. It’s important to consider whether you want to keep that energy around or not!

The “right” answer for this will always vary from person to person and situation to situation. If you can look back only fondly (and look to the future without expectation), then maybe you’re okay with keeping a few mementos around. But if you’re not yet in that state of mind, it’s better to just give it up. Now is the time to bravely move forward with your life.

Decluttering After A Breakup Step #2:

Hide

If you can’t bring yourself to part with something, at the very least hide it away from yourself. You might not think that seeing something is a trigger but your subconscious mind IS actively processing everything around you.

While it’s not quite as good as getting rid of something entirely, moving the objects out of your line of site means that at least you won’t be confronted with those memories and emotions every day. There won’t be a physical cue that tells your brain to go there.

But just remember that there’s a downside to simply hiding things: someday you WILL open that box and be suddenly confronted with all those memories from the past en masse. That’s why usually it’s better to cut the cord and just do the thing now rather than put it off for someday!

Decluttering After A Breakup Step #3:

Get Creative

But I know there’s often limitations about what you can and cannot get rid of. For example, when you’ve lived together, there’s often a WHOLE LOT of stuff that you’ve acquired together.

When I split from my ex, I had an apartment full of stuff that we’d bought together. As much as I’d have LOVED to gotten rid of everything and started fresh, I had to choose my battles. Replacing an entire household is an expensive business! So the bed went but the couch stayed. I got new artwork. I worked hard to give everything a fresh new feel…and it worked.

So get creative and think about other ways you can freshen up your space: a new layer of paint or rearranging the furniture can go an awfully long way towards reclaiming your space. If you can’t get rid of the bed (where a ton of emotional energy is stored!), at least invest in some new bedding. Do what you can and don’t fret about not doing it the “right way”.

(This step can extend beyond just gifts and mutually acquired belongings. For example, I purged my entire underwear drawer and replaced things with some saucy new bits! I highly recommend giving that one a go. ???? )

Decluttering After A Breakup Step #4:

Cleanse

After you’ve purged or hidden everything, it’s time for an energetic deep clean. Space clearing (or smudging) is a technique that’s important for getting rid of any lingering unwanted vibes. Think of it this way: your home has been holding these things and their energy for quite some time! When you’re ready for a fresh start, give yourself the best chance of success and give it all a good energy clean sweep.

For the full rundown on how to do it (including free printable), click here.

Decluttering After A Breakup Step #5:

Say Goodbye

In our modern culture, there is no public ritual for loss after a breakup. But saying goodbye to this chapter in your life is an important occasion for you to mark. So if the idea resonates with you, create a ceremony to say goodbye to the stuff. Getting rid of stuff is NOT about being hostile towards the person you were once with. You can say goodbye solely because it’s good for YOU.

If donating a pile of stuff seems too harsh, take a page out of Marie Kondo’s book and say thank you to each item before you get rid of it. You can get as fancy as you like with this but all you really need to do is put your hand on the object and take a moment of gratitude for having it in your life.
This gives a nice sense of closure: the objects have served a purpose and now it’s time to move on.

(And if you don’t see any point in this step, that’s cool too!)

Breakups are never easy and going through the physical reminders is no easy task. So go easy on yourself! You don’t have to throw out everything in one day if you’re not ready. Take a break or split the work up over the next month. Just be sure to commit to the process because the longer you hide from it, the worse it will seem.

I hope this post helps you through what is always a strange and difficult time. If you loved this post, please remember to share it. Much ???? to you all.

PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about your shadow self and the Law of Attraction or this one about 3 ways to support your divine purpose.

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5 Steps For Decluttering After A Breakup

Divorce. Separation. Breakups. The worst.

The division of a life once shared is always difficult but all the more painful when you’ve been cohabitating. Few things feel more depressing and stark than having a once-thriving relationship come down to the cold division of stuff.

In case you can’t already tell, I’m quite passionate about this topic. Because I’ve been there. (A few times!) And while there aren’t shortcuts through the pain or magical trite statements that can alleviate the pain, there is still a way forward through the dark.

I landed in my parents’ basement immediately following my divorce but it didn’t take long for me to set about finding a new space. As much as it was wonderful to be around my parents just then, I needed to find a space that was mine.

Surprisingly, creating my home and sanctuary became a hugely important part of the rebuilding and healing process for me. Every tiny little decision about furniture placement or paint colors became an affirmation of the new me. Who was I now? What was still important to me and what could I now discard? How could I better express this new self?

It all began in my physical surroundings but looking back I can see clearly see how the same process also happened to my interior world (…eventually).

So if you’ve found yourself in a time of heartache and loss, I’d first love to give you a long virtual hug and pour you a nice cup of hot tea. (You deserve it.)

But after you take a break, it’s time to take some positive action. When you’re feeling ready, take a look at my list of five essential steps you can take towards surviving and thriving after a breakup:

Surviving And Thriving After A Breakup: 6 Essential Tips

Essential Breakup Tip #1:

Ditch The Old Stuff

Your ex has left the emotional picture. Now it’s time to for them to leave the physical picture too. That means ditching all of their stuff (if it’s still around) as well as any of that that “couple stuff”: mementos, photos, wedding paraphernalia (ugh!), the whole lot.

If your ex has left a lot of stuff behind, speed up the process by putting it all in boxes, for them to retrieve later.

As for the shared stuff that’s ended up in your possession, if you can’t summon the courage to dumpster the whole lot, at the very least box it all up and stash it far far away. You don’t want to be looking at happy couple photos while you’re trying to mend a broken heart. Out of sight is always the best choice.

Essential Breakup Tip #2:

Move (or Fake It)

Moving into a fresh new space is usually an exciting time. But if you’re doing it because you just broke up with someone, it’s not going to feel as joyous as usual. Instead, it might feel like an extra burden on our already existing stress. So remember: simply getting yourself through the process is a hugely positive step. Concentrate on doing what you need to do! Hire movers or enlist friends and family to help you out. Just focus on getting it finished and don’t drag out the process. Once you’re safely settled into your new home you will begin to feel grounded again.

But what if you are the one who is staying behind? You can still create some mental distance by fakinga move. Pack up all your things (except the essentials) into boxes for a few weeks. Then allow yourself to slowly unpack, evaluating each item as you go. Don't blindly put everything back where it was before! The point is to achieve something new, energetically and design-wise. Try rearranging your furniture, maybe even switching entire rooms around. Reclaim each and every inch of your space just for you.

Essential Breakup Tip #3:

Get Cozy

Make your own physical comfort is a top priority during this stressful time. Think about what you can do to make yourself feel cozy and loved. Physical comforts are especially important during the grieving process. Think heated blankets, new luxury bubble bath or lots of fluffy new pillows for the bed. One of the best post-breakup feelings is the new ability to starfish into a cozy comfy bed every night! something like a new plush mattress pad would make this experience all that much better

Essential Breakup Tip #4:

Reassess Your Design Style

While there can be great pleasure in mixing our design aesthetic with our partners, I would argue that reclaiming your own style again post-breakup is its own form of liberation! But perhaps it’s been a while and you’re not sure what “your” style is anymore. Pop open Pinterest or some design magazines and notice what your soul is saying yes to right now. (It’s that’s a big ol’ YES feeling that encompasses your whole body.)

I found myself leaning towards a surprisingly girlie aesthetic post-divorce. I suddenly wanted furry pillows, framed vintage doll clothing and pink polka dot bedroom curtains. (My style has changed a lot since then however! But it was a fun phase.)

Similarly, your style has probably changed since the last time you were living alone. Embrace this opportunity to get in touch with your true preferences and to reconnect with your authentic self. Just be sure to expect a few surprises along the way!

Essential Breakup Tip #5:

Go Shopping

Shopping as therapy? In this case, yes! There will undoubtedly be some “holes” left in the physical goods category. (eg. Why did your ex take the pizza cutter when he never even cooks??) It’s close to impossible to keep an exact tally of things that stayed and those that were claimed by our ex. So as you slowly start to notice what’s missing, be sure to write it all down! (It’s too confusing of a process not to trust to the written word.)

After you’ve made sure your pantry is fully re-stocked and you have all the household basics on hand, consider replacing some of your non-essential items. Again, think new fresh energy. For example, maybe you’ll be inspired to buy yourself new bedding — or a whole new bed! — plus a boatload of saucy new underwear for good measure.

Essential Breakup Guide Tip #6:

Have A Cleansing

There’s no better time than now to whip out your sage wand or palo santo. So I know you Spiritual Rebel Babe-types have probably been saging yourself often through the entire breakup experience already.

But just in case you’re not familiar with the concept: energy cleansing should be an essential part of your spiritual self-care. It simply removes any old lingering negative energy in your person or space and creates a clean and blank space for you.

Read all about how to give your home an energy cleanse right over here.

Anytime you are moving into a new home you will want to have do some energy cleansin. This is an especially important step if you are staying in the home you shared with your ex-partner! You don’t want to be sitting in their energy all day if you’re trying to get over them. So clear out all that old stagnant (or angry) energy to make a lot more room for you.

Each of these steps helped me out a lot through my turbulent times and I hope they also help you. But please don’t try to rush yourself through the process; this list is intended only to inspire not to add yet more stress in this already-crazy time. The most important step of all during this time is to love on yourself. Accept where you’re at, how you’re feeling and tap into your needs and you’ll be back to feeling “normal” very soon.

PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about decluttering after a breakup or this one about how to manifest a specific person.

5 Steps For Decluttering After A Breakup