Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach
4 Steps To Become Unfuckwithable | Do YOU want to become unfuckwithable? Of course you do! This is the magical state where you are in control of your inner world so all the outer stuff isn’t so scary. If you want to start on the path to becoming unfuckwithable, then watch the video to get started!
Thank you so much for watching!
Want to become unfuckwithable? I mean who wouldn’t want this:
Be honest! Have you ever wondered what it would be like to:
I know that might sound like a total fantasy right now–but it doesn’t have to be.
Becoming unfuckwithable is actually just one simple internal shift away.
Fact: it’s only when you’re fully in charge of your thoughts and emotions that you have actual control over your life.
There’s nothing anyone can do or say to bring you out of that place.
Good days and bad days simply no longer exist.
Most of us still have good days and bad days.
Our emotional state is absolutely defined by the random events and circumstances in our life.
Instead of consciously acting, our life becomes dictated the world around us and by our own reactions to it.
Here’s an example:
We’d all prefer to live the Example A day, right? Well here’s the thing: there’s actually a problem with both scenarios. In each case, the core issue is exactly the same: allowing the random events of the world to completely affect your mood.
In both cases, the external environment ultimately dictated the rest of your day. So even though sometimes that works out okay, when your mood is ultimately in the hands of someone else, you lose control over your ability to be truly happy.
Living this way makes you a human ping pong ball: wildly flying from one emotion to the next, with no rhyme or reason.
It’s exhausting. It’s also erratic, uneven and will eventually result in you feeling completely stressed and out of control of your own life.
It’s definitely not a healthy way to live.
But life doesn’t have to be that way.
You’re back in the driver seat of your own emotions. You get to decide how you feel.
It no longer matters what happens at Starbucks! Your mood is even and calm, no matter what, good or bad.
You’ll realize there’s actually no such thing as a good day or bad day–there’s only the day that you have chosen create.
Once you realize that, you’ll no longer want to live a life that’s not dictated by random events.
You’ll be able to take your real power back and choose your own happiness.
Sounds pretty good right? So today I’m sharing a few ways you can become unfuckwithable and shift out of unconscious reacting into conscious action:
Start thinking of your natural energy as a bubble that constantly surrounds you.
And the only thing that can let anything into that energy bubble is you. Your mind is the gatekeeper, the decider of what sticks and what doesn’t.
Without realizing it, we all pick and choose our battles. Literally thousands of events happen to us every week but we’re the ones who ultimately choose which events we allow to into our precious bubble (and under our skin).
When you run on autopilot, it might often feel like you have no choice but to get upset about the rude waiter, early bank closure or whatever other annoying event might happen upon you–but the truth is you always do.
We all have a natural tendency to assign a negative meaning to a neutral event. For example, that might mean we interpret the tailgater behind us as someone who’s picking on us deliberately–when in reality, it’s probably just a distracted driver!
However, all you need to do to avoid the knee-jerk negative reaction is to take that neutral event and assign a different meaning to it.
One awesome way to do this is by using Byron Katie’s The Work. Essentially, it includes just four basic questions that’ll help you “flip the script” on every negative thought you have:
The Four Questions:
(Read more about Katie’s methods in her book Loving What Is )
Have you noticed? A whole lot of our own internal drama comes from us protesting things that have already happened.
When something unexpected happens in our world, we often experience an Expectation Hangover: meaning that we have a very hard time accepting that the world didn’t play out how we though it would.
But of course, no amount of protesting and complaining in the world can make the clocks rewind!
In other words, when you spend a ton of time crying about things in the past the only thing you’re actually accomplishing is wasting your precious energy.
(Not to mention replaying those events over and over in your mind makes your body react like the event is still happening, making you literally stressed out.)
Still, Expectation Hangovers are just a fact of life. When things don’t go our way or something totally unfair happens, we get upset and–goddamnit!–we really want to talk (vent/complaining) about it. We want to yell and scream and stomp about how unhappy we are even though there’s literally nothing that can be done to change things.
Again, we’re simply taking the world personally–even though 90% of the time, there’s nothing personal actually happening at all.
Think about it this way: complaining about the past is about as useful as getting angry about the fact that Mondays exist. They simply exist! Do we like them? For most people, the answer is no. But there are few people who’d bother to waste their energy by venting and screaming about it.
So get very clear on this: by the time someone has slighted you, it’s already in the past. There’s nothing you can do or say to get that moment in time back. The faster you can let it go, the faster you will feel better.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to become a doormat in the process. Sometimes getting an apology or getting someone to right a problem is totally warranted. But many times our intense desire to seek “justice” just makes the situation worse, by allowing to drag on much longer than necessary.
Far too many of us rely on the external world in order to feel good about ourselves. But this is just a trick of our own ego. When someone approves of us, it allows us to approve of ourselves. But what that’s really saying is that you value other people’s opinions above your own.
We’ve all been taught to value other people’s opinions–and to a certain degree, that’s not a bad thing. But when we start to value other people’s ideas over our own, then we lose control of our own happiness.
Again, this is just an attempt to rely on the world around us to feel a certain way–an attempt that will always fall flat in the end.
Anytime we give our own power away like this, we lose control of our own narrative.
Because of course when the source of the validation disappears, so do our feel-good feelings.
The only real antidote to seeking validation is to cultivate true self-love. When you have full confidence in yourself and your own value, you’ll no longer need to bolster your self-esteem through compliments, awards, relationships or even material goods. You’ll be able to stand confidently all on your own. (Which is soooo unfuckwithable!)
Loving ourselves for who we are might be difficult at first but it’s your most important mission in this life. If you can’t fully accept yourself, you’ll never find true happiness, even if you have fame and billions in your bank account. You’ll constantly be seeking something that will make you feel better but that only ever provides a temporary fix.
Repeat after me: other people’s shit does not have to become your shit.
You might be a beautiful, glowing beacon of awesomeness in this world but it’s not your job to make everyone see the light.
You simply cannot control what people think or how they behave.
But you always have control over how you view yourself, how you view the world and how you act.
For example, when someone treats you poorly, you must remember that those actions are on them. You get to decide what to do with it and how to react to it. But that’s it. You never get to control their part of the equation.
At times, we fool ourselves into thinking that if we’re just nice enough or loud enough (or whatever enough, then the people in our world will think, say and do what we want them to. But in the end this is an impossible game. You can do everything in your power to make this happen and will still fail at some point. So don’t wear yourself out trying.
It’s a just fact of life: people are going to occasionally let you down, hurt you or even betray you–but you must realize that’s a reflection of them, not of you.
Instead of letting it get to you, pull back and concentrate on the stuff you can control: your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
Learning to let things go is a super-power all its own. But unfortunately, this level of becoming unfuckwithable usually does not happen over night! Those temporary bouts of rage or irritation will continue to rear their ugly heads from time to time, even as you begin to train yourself to become stronger and more powerful.
In other words, negative reactions will happen. So be gentle with yourself when they do!
When you start to go into reaction mode, take a deep breath and try to at least hold back your outer reaction. (In other words, don’t be tempted to lash back! That usually only makes things worse and doesn’t reflect your true intentions.)
With that being said, it’s definitely okay to feel your feelings! Acknowledge them for what they are but also try to realize what has triggered you. Everything is here to teach us something but there’s no need to hold on after you’ve learned the lesson.
Once you’ve felt the feelings for a while, then it’s time to let it go. This is the best thing no matter what the situation might be. You’re no longer escalating the situation and bringing that negative reaction into the rest of your day.
Trust me–this process gets easier over time! And sometimes it just happens naturally.
For example, I used to drive regularly and I used get very upset about things like traffic, erratic drivers etc. I experienced road rage and it made the driving experience extremely stressful! But of course at the time, I didn’t attribute any of that to me. I felt like I was a victim of the drivers around me.
Fast forward to a few years later: I got a new car after not driving for a few years and with it came a surprisingly zen attitude towards driving. Suddenly all that road rage-y stuff no longer bothered me! If someone cut me off, it still sucked but I no longer took it so personally. It didn’t require me swearing or venting and it certainly wasn’t worth mentioning to my partner when I came home at night.
The only thing that really changed in that time was my attitude. The drivers and traffic were always about the same. I was simply no longer letting all of that stuff into my bubble. So miraculously, driving was no longer a stressful experience!
My experience wasn’t a conscious choice; it just happened over time. But it’s still a great way to illustrate how our own attitude creates our energy–and in turn our reality.
Remember: you have the power to shift from unconscious living into conscious living at any time you like! If you’re tired of feeling like a victim, then today’s a pretty damn good day to begin to become totally unfuckwithable.
I hope this post serves you! If you loved it, please remember to share it.
As always, thanks so much for being here beautiful soul!
