How To Feel Confident

How To Feel Confident

Wondering how to feel confident? You’re not alone!

True confidence is a rare thing indeed–which might come as a surprise! Often what we think of as confidence in the outside world is anything but! Most of the time, it’s bravado, overcompensation and a whole lotta fake it till you make it.

But is it any wonder that confidence is so hard to come by in a society that asks us to feel so terrible about ourselves? Many of us are much more in touch with our perceived shortcomings than we are with our real talents.

I am a firm believer in our ability to grow our own damn confidence muscle.

It’s not just a matter of having it or not having it! You can work on growing your confidence–and it actually will grow all by itself when you work on your underlying issues of self-love and self-worth.

So today I’m sharing a quick confidence-boosting guide to help you begin your own confidence journey!

Some of the tips here are about mindset: which is confidence in who you are. However, the others are about building confidence in what you do. This is the piece of the confidence formula that typically gets overlooked!

But look at it this way: if you read all about how to feel happy, does that actually make you a happy person? Nope! But it’s only when you change the way you think and take real-world action that allows you to create happiness.

Similarly, if you only do the action steps and don’t do the mindset work, don’t be surprised if your progress is slow! Rewiring your mind is so important! Otherwise, you’ll just fall back into your same old (unconfident) habits.

So let’s dive into it!

How To Feel Confident

How To Feel Confident Tip #1:

Radical Self-Acceptance

We live in a society that literally teaches us to feel terrible about ourselves. When we live in a perpetual state of fear and self-doubt, we’re good consumers. (That’s what most traditional marketing is designed to do!)

The end result is that most of us spend our entire lives believing we are somehow deeply flawed. But the real truth of it is: you are exactly as you are meant to be! You are a magical divine creature and any thought that tells you otherwise is a straight-up lie. It’s time to remember that you are not meant to measure up to some completely artificial vision of perfection. You are here to be divinely you–and you do not need to stress or hustle in order to do that.

How To Feel Confident Tip #2:

Tackle Your Disempowering Beliefs

It seems like a crazy thing at first but we all have disempowering and negative beliefs about who we are and what we can do in this world. But when you tell yourself “I’m just not that talented or hard-working” are you really telling yourself the truth?

We believe these stories and regard them as factual. But in reality, they’re just beliefs we’ve chosen for ourselves–and it might be time to choose again. We get to create exactly the reality we want for ourselves and that begins by choosing what we want to believe about ourselves.

How To Feel Confident Tip #3:

Combat Negative Self Talk

The soundtrack of negativity in our minds can be one of our biggest barriers to confidence. , Of course, it’s going to be tough to try new things and put yourself out there when your Inner Mean Girl won’t shut the ‘eff up. But you don’t have to let that voice run the show! It takes practice but over time you can learn how to tone down that mean part of you and leave more room for the real you to grow and thrive.

How To Feel Confident Tip #4:

Create Your Sasha Fierce

Sometimes the best thing to do for your confidence is to create a confident alter ego! This works by totally altering our own sense of identity. You think of yourself as shy or awkward but your Sasha Fierce doesn’t have to play by those rules! She’s sassy, she’s confident and she can get things done. But when you step into those shoes you temporarily tap into a very real part of you–just one that you haven’t given yourself permission to access. But the more you connect with your Sasha Fierce the more she will start to feel like the “real” you.

How To Feel Confident Tip #5:

Do Something New

Our brain loves to convince us that if we just stay around at home and worry or plan enough then we’ll suddenly feel confident in our own abilities. But that’s not how confidence actually works! We always learn the most from actually doing something new. Your brain is going to try to convince you this isn’t wise–but it’s trying it’s best to protect you! There is just no way you can sit around worrying about something until you feel ready. At some point, you’re going to just have to go do it!

This seems terrifying at first but it works: the more you try new things, the less scary they become. Over time, this helps you to build your self-trust muscle–and yes!–in turn, it will create more confidence.

How To Feel Confident Tip #6:

Remember Your Achievements

At times, it seems our brains love to show us an eternal cycle of our most painful moments. Hands up if you’ve ever found yourself lying awake in bed at 3 am thinking about some embarrassing moment from your past? Our brain is just priming us to be aware of such things in the future as a way of protecting us. But unfortunately, its efforts are not only ineffective but they also cause us more turmoil and added stress!

On the flip side, when was the last time you went through your mental Rolodex searching for your most golden moments and triumphs? It’s all too easy to believe that “we suck” or that nothing ever goes our way when we only focus on the bad stuff. It might not pop up into your mind as easily as the negative stuff but remembering the positive moments is important.

How To Feel Confident Tip #7:

Know The Difference Between Memory & Facts

How often have we overly embellished some long-ago event, thinking about how much we offended someone, how stupid they thought we were etc, etc.

But that “memory” dear friend is often created on a bunch of our OWN assumptions and stories. The most painful part of anything is the meaning WE create. And the cool thing is that because we were the ones who created meaning the first time, we also get to create new meaning anytime we like.

How To Feel Confident Tip #8:

Learn How To Say No

Few things can make you feel crappier than a violated boundary. Yet most of us still get our wires crossed because we haven’t communicated them! No one teaches you how to say no in school. Instead, we’re taught how to cooperate–which of course is also an important topic. But since we only place importance on how other people feel by default we forget to place importance on our own needs, desires and preferences. That means there are entire legions of us out here who’ve never worked on creating their no muscle.

Think about that: not learning how to say no can lead to crazy problems over a lifetime. Assuming that you’ll never need to say no means that you’re assuming everyone else will treat you well all of the time. Clearly, that isn’t rational or logical. Yet that’s exactly how most kids are raise.

How To Feel Confident Tip #9:

View Everyone As Equal

We tend to have perfectionist fantasies about ourselves and the world. That means we often imagine that other people are so much more confident and accomplished than we are! The truth is most people are suffering from acute cases of self-doubt. When you realize that, you can stop automatically believing that everyone is more worthy and deserving than you are. Taking them off the pedestal will help you shift the way you see yourself.

How To Feel Confident Tip #10:

Take Personal Pride

Yes, I could work in my pajamas most days. And yes, I definitely rock the yoga pants most of the time! But I definitely also challenge myself to get up and get fully dressed: cute outfit, hair done, makeup. This isn’t about what people can or can’t see. It’s about how I feel. If I want to feel like a bad-ass coach, how do I best accomplish that? Sometimes the yoga pants definitely do not make the cut.

Going the extra mile isn’t an exercise in chasing some external ideas. It’s about showing up for yourself. Even if you’re “just” writing, it’s amazing what a little self-care does for your emotional state. Self-confidence isn’t always about doing BIG crazy things. Sometimes it’s these “little” things that can add up over time and create amazing changes!

So what did you think? Which confidence technique are you going to apply to your own life?

Confidence is a muscle you can grow, just like anything else! Don’t settle for thinking of yourself as just not having it. Take action and create a more confident you, starting today!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life

PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about 3 must-know life coaching tools or this one about how to be more positive.

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