Real talk: feeling better might not sound all that exciting at first, especially for those of us in the manifesting world!
We’re far too busy calling in 2000 new Instagram followers or adding to our shoe collection, right? We’ve got stuff to work on–and when we get that stuff, we’ll feel better so why stress about that right now? Right?
This line of thinking is one of the BIGGEST pitfalls of manifesting. Because of course you can have whatever you want in this world–as long as you know why you want it.
Nothing outside of you can ever truly make you feel better! Sure, some things can fill the void temporarily. But that’s just like putting makeup over a wound. It might look a lot better at first but the problem is far from being healed.
For such an enlightened bunch, this is still a huge issue! We think we know this–but most of us still go through life trying to fix ourselves from the outside in.
Because how you think always determines how you feel.
So if you’re suffering through something in life, it’s time for a little mental TLC.
You can’t change many events or circumstances in life but you can change the way you feel about them!
So in order to feel good, your mind just needs a little tune-up!
The world isn’t conspiring against you! But the thoughts you have about the world are.
When you’re suffering through something, your ego or shadow self has actually stepped in to twist the knife and prove that all your worst fears are coming true!
Of course, that will make you feel terrible. ????
When you’re in the middle of feeling terrible, it will seem like those thoughts are reality–but there’s always a different perspective to take.
All of our senses-touch, smell, taste, sight–are just relaying information to our brain. And our brain, as brilliant as it is, can only process so much information.
Plus, in addition to our limited information, we also all carry around our own mental filters. We all place more importance on some factors than others. We’ve been trained to think the way we do for our entire life.
The real reason we return to our destructive old thought patterns time and time again (“I’m not enough”, “I’m always alone”, “No one can love me”) is because we’ve gotten really good at thinking them.
It literally takes new energy to think a new thought because your brain has to physically build a new neural pathway.
Remember back in school when it sometimes felt impossible to wrap your mind around new concepts? That’s because your brain was literally forming those new connections. It takes mental AND physical effort to think new thoughts.
(This also explains why I was always so freakin’ hungry in class! ????)
That also means that if you’ve lived your whole life with some damaging ideas about yourself, it’s going to take some effort to retrain your mind!
But it’s not impossible!
And once you can train your brain to think about yourself and the world in a new way, you’ll–magically!–start to feel better.
And here’s another secret:
Every goal you could possibly have is never just about the goal!
It’s all about feeling better.
We want a relationship or a million dollars because we think those things will make us feel better! We think that having a partner saying “I love you” will make you feel loved. Or we think that other people envying our bank account will finally boost our self-esteem.
So what happens if you just learn how to feel better–without the stuff?
You totally can! And that’s as good a reason as any to get started feeling better, today! So let’s get started:
How To Feel Better: 4 Simple Steps
How To Feel Better Step #1:
Realize You’re Choosing Your Thoughts
The world around us happens but it’s always our thoughts about the world that truly matter! That’s exactly why something that’s a huge setback for one person might not be for the next.
For example, when I was splitting up with my ex I was pretty caught up in the shame of getting divorced. For me, it was big! However, I also know people who’ve gotten divorced and barely seemed to blink an eye. We went through the same thing but our feelings about it were totally different. So while I suffered, they did not.
The lesson that I want you to see here is that YOU always get to decide on your beliefs! You get to choose whether every event is worth getting upset about or not. In fact, you’re already making those choices, day in and day out. So tell me, how many of those choices are worth it?
Of course, it’s important to honor your values and to set your boundaries. But much of our internal drama doesn’t make a difference to the world at all! The world keeps turning whether we’re angry or upset. And you always have the choice between suffering or not—so which one are you going to pick?
How To Feel Better Step #2:
When you first start this work, it might be difficult to jump from your doom-and-gloom overly-dramatic way of looking at the world into light and positivity! So instead of doing a complete 180, let’s just go for a neutral thought instead.
Here’s an example: say you’re having a momentary freak out about your weight. You overdid it last night at dinner or maybe your pants suddenly seem much too small. Your usual pattern in this scenario is hours of self-loathing that not only don’t feel very good, but don’t exactly leave you inspired to take any action either!
So let’s try to go somewhere neutral in your mind first instead of into the mental garbage dumps! After you immediately fall into your well-practiced self-hatred routine: “I hate my stomach” etc–it’s time to switch in to neutrality: “I have a stomach”. Everyone has a stomach. A stomach is important! It does stuff. It’s part of being human. It’s nothing to hate or feel shame about. You shouldn’t feel any thing heavy or negative about having one!
The more you can shift your thoughts away from negativity into a neutral place, the better you will feel.
How To Feel Better Step #3:
Choose What Feels Good
After neutrality, the next step is to pick a thought that feels good. However, if you’re attached to the idea of being right, then this part will likely take some creativity and open-mindedness!
So the next time you’re triggered by something in your life, be honest with yourself: is there another explanation for what you see?
(Hint: there always is!)
All too often we jump to the very worst conclusions about life! We assume the worst. We imagine people want to hurt us or are trying to take us down. We invent drama and stories out of thin air!
Maybe that Tinder match who didn’t message you back actually got back with his ex.
Maybe those friends who didn’t invite you out last night were actually planning your birthday.
Maybe the job you wanted really did get a more qualified candidate!
When we assume the worst, we will feel our worst! So why do we keep focusing on the worst possible scenarios instead of the best?
There are many reasons why a certain situation might have occured–and most of those reasons won’t involve you feeling bad. So let’s open our mind to the possibility of good in the world!
So let’s make it a challenge: think of MULTIPLE reasons for what you’ve observed. Then choose to believe in the one that feels the best.
How To Feel Better Step #4:
Keep Training Your Brain
As you’ve learned, not all of our thought patterns are helpful! But they’ve been ingrained over a life time. And it’s not our fault either! Our brain is really just trying to protect us.
We’ve all been hurt as children, in one way or another. (Yes, even those of us with good childhoods!) And our brains are still on hyper-alert, looking for evidence that our childhood fears are coming true. This is where our negative projections about the world come into play. Hello shame, guilt and abandonment issues! ????
Those old fear patterns might be difficult to break, but it’s far from impossible.
It just requires you paying attention to your thoughts and constantly shifting them to something that feels better.
Truthfully, the art of feeling better is more than a five-minute affair! It’s about retraining your brain and throwing out all that old unhelpful and negative programming that’s contributing to you feeling badly about yourself.
It will take more than one afternoon of honesty and reflection to undo your years of pain training! So give yourself the grace to take the time you need, to practice and grow. This practice will get easier and faster over time.
The one core element that comes into my work again and again is mind management. I wholeheartedly believe in our ability to create our own miracles–and that begins with the way we look at the world.
So please take all you’ve learned today to heart and start applying it in your life! Then come back and let me know how it goes.
Thank you guys so much for reading! I ???? you.
PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about retrain your brain with affirmations or this one about quick and easy self-care.
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