Are you sick of feeling like you’re not living up to your potential?
Living the same year over and over again?
Or maybe you just seethe with jealousy when you see friends (or strangers) on social media doing the things in life that you really want to do.
Not so fun fact: I was a hot mess for most of my 20s. I went through all the bad phases: unemployment, underemployment, too much drinking, getting my heart broken in a million different ways. (Fun! 😬)
Obviously back then on the inside, I was miserable. I had no confidence in my career or in myself in general. But instead of fixing that inner emptiness, I focused on distracting myself from it.
(BTW looking back now, I can see that much of that behavior was really a big ol’ Freeze Trauma Response. But that’s a story for another day.)
I’m still far from perfect but I’m miles better than I used to be. And most of the big changes in my life, I made after starting on my own journey of healing and personal growth.
If you’re feeling like I used to (angry, sad, bitter, unsuccessful, etc.) please know, that there’s hope. You can change anything. While you can’t go back and rewrite your past, you still have the power to define your future. It’s never too late or nor is it too hard for you to handle. (And no, you’re not too broken.)
Of course, the path to long-term change takes time. Miracles (usually) don’t happen overnight. But tiny shifts do. And over time, when you keep stacking those little changes and shifts, one on top of the other, then you create major changes.
And one day when you look back, you’ll no longer recognize your old self.
If you’re ready to ditch your old unhelpful habits and negative ways of thinking, this is your beginner guide to getting your sh*t together.
How To Get Your Sh*t Together & Finally Live The Life You Want | 8 Tips
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #1:
Take Radical Responsibility
One of the most painful lessons I learned after my life as I knew it imploded. All those big problems that I had actually had my own fingerprints all over them.
No, that doesn’t mean I was personally responsible for the actions of my ex. (Nor his words, etc.)
But I was responsible for a lot: for creating that relationship, for not sticking up for myself, for letting myself become a non-priority, and for losing myself along the way. (I had no idea about my codependency back then!)
I also know how addicting it can be to be stuck in Victim Mindset. After all, when everyone else is so wrong that makes you so right! But when you make everyone else 100% responsible for your problems, you will also become powerless to fix them.
While you can’t rewrite your past, you can create healthier systems for your future. But that starts with taking responsibility for the part you’ve played in things so far, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it is to admit.
Which brings me to the second point…
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #2:
Acknowledge Your Weak Spots
Pretending we’ve got life all handled is the best way to stay in a rut. Another painful lesson I learned was that ignoring the places where I wasn’t happy and fulfilled actually kept me stuck in that unhappy place.
Sometimes it’s hard to admit the truth about our life. But we all have weak spots! We’re only human after all. Sticking your head in the sand and trying to pretend your problems away simply doesn’t work.
The only way to get over it is to pull up your Big Kid Pants and acknowledge them head-on.
So be real: are you letting yourself spend time dating people you know aren’t actually going to work out? Are you ignoring your Visa bills? Are you using drinking, shopping, or Instagram to hide from your problems?
Whatever the answer might be, please know you’re not alone. This isn’t about finding something else to feel terrible about. It’s about acknowledging where we need to focus more of our attention as we move forward. (And ultimately, about creating more happy.)
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #3:
Stop Waiting To Do The Things You Want
Book the trip. Buy the house. Go to that really nice restaurant.
If you desire it, give yourself permission and just go get it! No more excuses.
Many of us face huge blocks in this area–especially us women.
Years ago, when I went on my first post-divorce vacation with a friend to Bali. But the people at my office were confused. “You must be going with a guy.” At the time, I was so confused by the questions. Why on earth do I need a guy to go to Bali?
Obviously, I wasn’t waiting around for that. But I’m sharing this story because it shows how so many people are conditioned to think you need a man to do…well…basically anything.
Over and over in my life, I’ve shocked people with my bold moves. The subconscious subtext was always something like “How could a woman do something simply for her own pleasure, desires, or interests?”
My question is: why on earth wouldn’t a woman want to do that?
We’ve been programmed to seek our happily ever after. But the problem is that we start putting off being happy now in exchange for a future that might never come.
Please promise me that you’ll stop self-sacrificing in the name of cultural norms right now!
Besides, the man that you think you’re waiting for, is most definitely NOT putting his happiness on hold waiting around for you.
They’re already out there, living his life, chasing his dreams, and just doing the damn thing.
So why the f*ck aren’t you?
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #4:
Discipline Over Motivation
Thinking you need to feel like doing something is yet another way to keep playing small. If you keep waiting until you feel like doing something, you’ll never get there.
Showing up for yourself and the life you want means showing up even during the times when you really don’t want to.
So here’s a trick I used to use on myself, back when I was a Run Before Work kind of person.
A lot of times I just wouldn’t feel like running. So I’d tell myself: “Just put your shoes on and go out there and do five minutes. If you still don’t want to, you can stop after that.”
And guess what? After I actually got out there for five minutes, I actually wanted to. In fact, there was not one single time that I tried this trick on myself and then went home after just five minutes.
I’ve done the same thing with writing too. There have been plenty of times when I thought to myself: “I just don’t know what to write today” or “I don’t feel inspired.”
But instead, I tell myself: “Just sit down and write for five minutes.” And it worked. Not gonna lie: those first five minutes rarely produce the writing I’m actually proud of. But something about just sitting down and doing it cleared the creative airways and let the good stuff come flowing out. And boom! Creative flow unblocked.
By the time those five minutes are up, I’m usually inspired and in the zone. From there, writing becomes much easier.
It’s annoying but true: the hardest part of doing anything in your day is just getting started. And procrastination is usually just as uncomfortable as actually doing the thing anyway.
If you can actually sit your butt in the chair to meditate or write or take yourself to the gym, you’re already most of the way there. Start “tricking” yourself to get started and watch the magic unfold from there.
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #5:
Set The Right Goals
A goal isn’t: “I want to make more money.” A goal is “I want to bring in $100k in revenue in the next six months.”
To be honest, this is still something I struggle with. I’m a non-specific manifestor, to be fair. But my strategy now is imagining multiple goals that I’d be happy with and working from there.
That said, I need to get specific with my end vision. And I bet that you do too.
This classic goal-setting framework is the perfect way to do that:
Specific – “More money” isn’t specific enough. What is the dollar amount you want? What kind of romantic relationship do you want? Don’t be afraid to get detailed and clear. This is only your life that we’re designing.
Measurable – If you’re tempted to write something like, “I just want to feel happy”, what does that really mean? How will you know if you get there? If there’s no finish line to aim for, then you haven’t actually set a goal. You’re simply leaning in that direction.
Achievable – Get out of here with the “I want to manifest one million dollars in a week.” What can you really do in a week, month, or year? This isn’t to rain on your dream parade but instead, to set you up for something even better: life success.
Realistic – Sure, I can say I want to be a supermodel or the president of the USA. But those things clearly aren’t in my cards! So let’s concentrate on the things I can control.
Time-bound – What’s your time frame? This one is especially important when it comes to money. One million dollars over a lifetime really isn’t that much. But one million dollars in a year? Now we’re cooking with gas, baby!
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #6:
Heal That Baggage Babe
We all have baggage baby! No one makes it all the way to adulthood without their share of emotional bumps and bruises. So instead of feeling badly about those bruises (and in turn, letting them control you), why not just make healing a priority?
No matter what has happened to you (and no matter how unfair it was), it’s always our responsibility to heal ourselves. After all, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t heal your Toxic Ex, now could you? No one can heal you either! In the end, it’s always up to us to do the inner work.
It’s always your choice. You either get to do nothing, and feel the same as you do right now. Or you can choose to go in and do the inner dirty work that will actually end up making you feel better.
It’s not always easy or fun. But it will always free you in the end.
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #7:
Choose Now Or Later
As humans, we naturally turn towards pleasure and away from pain. However, many times turning to pleasure really means that we’re trading pain in the moment for pain in the future.
This avoidance tactic can negatively impact so much in your life: your relationships, finances, physical health, spiritual growth.
I think of this all like an energetic credit card bill. Yes, you could put it all on the card right now. But later on down the road, you’ll still have to pay–both the original price and any added interest. Depending on what you’re trying to avoid, those energetic interest charges can be a real b*tch.
Whatever it is that you’re avoiding–working out, Visa bills, difficult conversations–just remind yourself that these things usually get harder the longer you put them off.
No matter how hard you try, tou can’t live in an avoidance bubble forever! Leaving all the uncomfortable stuff to an older version of yourself to handle is its own form of self-abandomnent.
How To Get Your Sh*t Together Tip #8:
Do The Hard Thing
How many times in my life have I put off something because it was “hard”, then after I finally caved in and did it I was like “Oh, that was really simple actually.”? It’s been a lot.
And it just goes to show that the Fear Monster (the true villain behind our procrastination) is really full of bark, not bite.
So many times our inner fear monster will make up outright lies about what we have to do in attempt to keep us playing small. It’s a shitty game to be real but it’s also something you can change.
The solution? Start doing hard things. The more you show your brain evidence that you can handle it, the less scary those things will feel. You’re never going to be 100% fear-free but you will at least be able to handle it the next time it tries to get in your way.
So tell me: what’s your Number One tip for getting your sh*t together? Which one of these tips are you going to tackle first?
Radical self-love and self-care are awesome concepts of course. But sometimes we get stuck on bubble baths and affirmations instead of facing the more difficult stuff.
Becoming honest with yourself about your shortcomings and making a plan of action to overcome them really is the best way to make massive changes in your life. I sincerely hope this guide takes you a long way towards doing that! Because my darling, you are so worth it.
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