Recently on my Instagram, I shared that I’m a recovering codependent.
Codependency was just my default setting and I don’t think it’s unusual in us spiritual types. While codependency is different from being an empath, there’s a bit of overlap between the two.
Finding all of this out was a big surprise at first! I thought a codependent was someone who was either raised by someone with substance abuse issues or was currently in a relationship with one.
For many women, this is all we’ve known. Maybe we’ve watched our parents’ codependency (and secretly modeled our behavior on that). We’ve also been taught to be people-pleasers, to be “good girls”, and to always think of others first (even to our detriment). On the other side, we’re also looking for our Prince Charming: the person who will just love us and meet our needs without us having to ever state what those needs are. (Ha!)
However, I’m not writing this today to diagnose you. If you resonate, there are definitely some great resources out there. (This is actually a great thing to work through with a coach!)
But as a word of warning: becoming too attached to a diagnosis like this can be limiting. It can easily push you into a downward spiral that leaves you feeling permanently damaged or doomed.
I just want to assure you that is not the case! Recognizing a deeply ingrained unhealthy pattern like this can be quite alarming at first. But the good news is this is not fixed in stone.
You were not born this way–which means you can learn (and heal) your way out of it.
While there are many ways codependency can show up in your life (including in your friendships and at work), you all know that manifestation is my passion. So today I wanted to shine a light specifically on how codependency can interfere with our manifestations specifically.
3 Ways That Codependency Is Slowing Down Your Manifestations
Codependency & Manifestations Problem #1:
One of the most important things to think about in regards to codependency and manifestation is your manifestation intention itself.
There tends to be this idea that because manifestation is a spiritual practice, it’s a Spiritual Pass for anything you desire. Unfortunately, that’s not the case! You must always own your own actions, including your own motivations.
I’m always telling you that your desires are important. Sacred even! But here’s the catch: sometimes we’re motivated to go after things in an attempt to impress or control other people, rather than for our own authentic desire.
Anytime you’re attempting to manifest from an inauthentic place, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
- Trying to manifest the hot bod because you think the person you like would never date you as is.
- Trying to manifest that Amazing-On-Paper career opportunity in order to make your parents happy.
- Trying to manifest money to impress the people you went to college with.
As soon as we live our life for other people more than ourselves, we’ve stepped out of our integrity and out of our true manifestation power.
That might be a tough pill to swallow at first. But in the end, wouldn’t you rather build a life that’s truly based on what’s important to you, rather than continually chasing after things that aren’t? I know I certainly would.
Codependency & Manifestations Problem #2:
Another sign of codependency that I see often with manifestation, is a poor manifestation mindset.
I always teach manifestation as a tool of great empowerment. To me, this is the ultimate form of freedom. That’s why I’m here teaching you to listen to your soul and to create the confidence to go out there and make it all happen.
The difference is that, around here, we do that through the inner work of changing our beliefs, improving our self-worth, and shifting our identity, rather than just going out there and straight hustling, the way you’re typically expected to.
I want people to know that there’s always an inner step they can take. Even when it feels hopeless or like nothing is happening, I give you a range of tools to dive into that always come back to your inner perceptions and mindset.
Despite this, I still see people placing all of their power in the when and how
- When is my manifestation coming?
- Why isn’t it here yet?
- How is it going to happen?
Just a reminder, that these aren’t helpful questions, in manifestation or otherwise.
Continually asking ourselves the wrong questions can in fact be very harmful to our process.
For example, constantly wondering: “Why am I so stupid?” is a question that’s guaranteed to never bring you anywhere that’s helpful or feels good. Yet a lot of us ask ourselves this type of damaging question on the regular.
It’s important thing to realize if you’re stuck in one of these “bad” questions, that it really means that you’re still waiting for your outer reality to prove something to you.
Or in other words, you’re not building belief and self-worth from the inside out. You’re waiting for the “right” time to give yourself permission to be who you want to be–and that’s codependent behavior in a nutshell.
Again, I challenge you to become the gatekeeper of your own mindset. Why would you let anything outside of you get in the way of becoming who you really want to be? You get the choice to think, feel and BE that person, starting right now. (And that very process is in fact, the road to manifestation)
Codependency & Manifestations Problem #3:
Your Action Plan
I’m not one of those manifestation teachers who will lie to you and say you don’t have to do anything to manifest your desires.
There’s always some action you need to take.
But that’s because energy is more than just our feelings. It’s our beliefs (both conscious and subconscious). It’s our words. And it’s our actions.
In fact, energy moves more quickly through action. If you literally go out there and dive headfirst into making your dreams come true (rather than taking slow tentative steps) you’re almost always guaranteed to get there faster.
But only action taken from the right mindset works like this.
Admittedly, the action part of the puzzle is tricky. Because while all action looks exactly the same on the outside, it can be generated from wildly different ways of thinking–including codependency!
If you’re hustling and hustling and nothing is moving, then I’d suggest you haven’t completely embraced the new model of reality in manifestation.
You’re still believing X (Desire) x Y (Effort) = Z (Result)
But overreliance on the action piece can really just mean that we don’t trust ourselves, our energy and the process.
So yes, in manifestation you will have to take action. That’s just part of the fundamental shift you need to make in order to make your dreams manifest in reality.
But that action is not the same as endlessly hustling and stressing.
True manifestation action comes from an inspired place. It’s got confidence and trust written all over it–not “OMG why isn’t this working yet?? Guess I’ll just have to try harder.”
Trying to prove something in the real world is just a sign that we don’t believe in ourselves.
If you’ve fallen into this codependent mindset of constantly doing and proving something, then stop and take a deep breath.
What would it feel if you really knew it was all happening for you? What kind of action would you be taking from this calm and confident mental space?
So tell me: do you recognize signs of codependency in yourself? How does understanding this part of you shift your manifestation game?
At the end of it all, we’re still the Conscious Creators of our own journey. (Or at least you become Conscious of your journey through the art of manifestation.)
You don’t have to be limited by your past patterns any longer. But it is up to you do the work to go inside, name your blocks, and do the deep healing and reprogramming work to move beyond them.