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The Aligned Life

Jenn Stevens | Spiritual Life + Business Coach

The Real Reasons Why You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself

by: Jenn

The Real Reasons Why You Don't Feel Good About Yourself

No matter what you’re after in life (money, love, fame etc.) there’s a common reason behind it all:

We just want to feel good.

We want to feel happy, to feel confident or to feel (finally!) worthy of something bigger. So while our individual goals are all a little bit different the common driving force behind them all is typically the same.

Most of us spend much of our lives chasing down something on the outside, in an attempt to make our inside feel good–even though this doesn’t really work!

Instead, as soon as we achieve something we realize that we want something else–and so end up on a treadmill of chasing the promise of feeling good but never quite getting there.

While goals are wonderful to have, it’s so important to realize that they have nothing to do with how we feel on the inside! Our inner game is an entirely different creature and one that only we have the ability to change for the better.

The one thing that I really want you to know today is that feeling good about yourself is not natural for most of us! Yes, it should be our default factory setting–but unfortunately, a lot of factors get in the way and prevent that from happening.

Curious about what those factors might be? There are actually a lot of reasons why you don’t feel good about yourself but today I’m going to share six of the biggest ones with you, so you can understand your own inner world just a little more.


6 Reasons You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #1:

Limiting Beliefs


Almost every single person in the world believes something about the world that is ultimately damaging to themselves.

I know right now you might be asking: “Why would I believe in something that was damaging or limiting to me?” Yet we all do exactly that! Most of these limiting beliefs are things we were taught as children, when we did not yet have our conscious mind to act as a “gatekeeper”. Before the age of seven, everything we learn goes straight into our subconscious mind, where it will live forever.

A lot of this stuff has in fact been around for so long that we just regard it as part of our identity: “I’m shy / not athletic / not artistic / bad at math / not pretty enough” ETC. But are those things really true? You might be quick to label yourself with these things but have those ideas really applied to you over your entire lifetime? Or–if you think about it–can you challenge yourself to see some moments when they were very much not the case? ????

Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy! And most of us are telling ourselves “no” based on these outdated, old and empirically untrue ideas. So yes! One of the biggest reasons why you’re not happy with yourself is because you’ve believed these limiting ideas too much and for too long.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #2:

Inner Mean Girl/Guy


Let me introduce you to one of your biggest barriers to happiness and self-worth: your Inner Critic. We all have an Inner Mean Girl/Guy who takes over the show in our mind far too often. But most people don’t understand where this voice is really coming from–so they begin to identify it as themselves.

But as loud as it can be, that voice isn’t really you–nor is it actually telling you the truth! It’s really just your ego mind doing it’s best to “protect” you: by keeping you feeling afraid or unworthy enough that you just won’t bother trying anything new.

It’s definitely not a voice of reason or an accurate representation of what you’re really capable of! But, for those of us who have not done inner work, we believe what this voice tells us–and that makes it very hard indeed for us to be feel good about ourselves.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #3:

Societal Programming


Turn on your TV or open a magazine for a minute and take a real look at all the ads you see. It’s an unfortunate but true: modern advertising works on the premise of making us feel bad. We’re supposed to feel just a little bit too old/fat/uncool/stupid so we’ll be motivated enough to buy whatever it is that’s being advertised.

That might seem obvious: of course businesses want to make money and they won’t shy away from emotional manipulation in order to do that! But years and years of this subconscious messaging isn’t without consequence.

TV is particularly devastating at this task because our brain goes into a hypnotic state while we’re watching. We tell ourselves that we can “tune out” commercials but our subconscious brain is paying attention–and it’s getting the message: we’re almost good enough to not feel shame. But if we just bought this/did this/looked like this, then we’d finally be worthy of love.

What a terrible way to treat our fellow humans! And most of us are not even aware of what’s happening. But make no mistake–since we’re all subjected to this negative mind programming, we all need to do some real inner work in order to counteract it.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #4:

Living Life For Others


People-pleasing might not seem all that destructive at first glance. What’s wrong with wanting to make other people happy? But for too many of us, this behavior comes with a destructive secret cost. When we learn to value other people’s happiness above our own, we end up becoming a slave to them–and we lose ourselves in the process.

There’s nothing wrong with being nice and thinking of others! But for many of us–especially women!–we’ve been socialized to always put others first. As the saying goes, you must always put on your own oxygen mask first. If you deplete your energy and happiness trying to help someone else, then that is your own fault. No one else is inside of you to see when the emotional/energetic tanks are getting low. And while it might seem like everyone else is taking you for granted, it’s really you that let the situation get this way.

That might be a tough pill to swallow at first but when you really understand this concept, it becomes liberation. You can still do things for others but when you prioritize yourself first, you won’t end up sacrificing yourself in the process.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #5:

The Perfectionism Myth


You might not label yourself as a perfectionist–yet many of us are secret perfectionists and don’t even know it! But creating an unattainable standard in our mind can be damaging to our current state of happiness.



If you believe that you can’t do something until you have every last detail figured out, you’re a perfectionist.

If you believe that achieving one thing will make all your other problems go away, you’re a perfectionist.

If you’re constantly comparing yourself to other people, then YES you might be a perfectionist–and all that perfectionism is probably doing a good job of keeping you very unhappy.

Perfectionism is insidious because often we think we’re just “being honest” or that it’s a true way to motivate ourselves. But in fact, we’re just setting ourselves up to feel terrible! Of course it’s going to be hard to feel happy if we’ve also told ourselves that we’re not allowed to be happy yet or if we’re constantly falling short of some imagined ideal. When we tie up our ideas of happiness with an ideal that can never be attained, we throw away our own ability to feel good along with it.


Reason You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself #6:

Lack Of Emotional Intelligence


Do you know how your brain works? Confession: for a long time I didn’t! I even went to school and got a psychology degree, which taught me a lot about physiology and all that good stuff. But it wasn’t until I started taking classes for coaching and working on my own mindset that I really understood how to use this thing the right way.

Fact: feeling bad about yourself can become a very bad habit. After a certain amount of time, thinking the same sh*tty old thoughts about yourself at some point they become your default–they’re not even something you think about anymore. They just become the sh*t colored glasses that you view your life through.

Learning how to understand and operate your brain the right way is life-changing–and in fact, I wish this was a skill we were all taught in school! But if you don’t feel good about yourself right now, just please know this: you can learn to feel good about yourself when you learn to use your brain the right way.




Please don’t take this post as just doom and gloom. I want you to know that not all hope is lost! While there are some very real obstacles in our way, we still always have the power to retrain our brain and reprogram ourselves for happiness. The first step of the fight is simply knowing what you’re up against!



Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




PS READ THIS NEXT: Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough! 3 Subconscious Blocks To Manifestation




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The Real Reasons Why You Don't Feel Good About Yourself

The Real Reasons Why You Don't Feel Good About Yourself

Filed Under: Happiness, Life Coaching, Self Work Tagged With: don't feel good, low confidence, self-esteem, self-worth

Happiness & What Your Thoughts Have To Do With It

by: Jenn

Happiness & What Your Thoughts Have To Do With It

Happiness & What Your Thoughts Have To Do With It

I know when people come to me as a life coach it’s because they feel bad. However, it usually takes a little work to uncover the REAL cause of the bad feelings: your thoughts! In this episode, I’m sharing why understanding this connection is so key to feeling happy and in control of your life!









Thank you so much for watching!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life



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Happiness & What Your Thoughts Have To Do With It

Filed Under: Happiness, Mindset, Video Tagged With: happiness, happiness thoughts, life coaching, mindset, mindset work, thought work

Happiness Is An Inside Job

by: Jenn

Happiness Is An Inside Job

Are you waiting for happiness to find you? For far too long, I felt that way too! I blamed my circumstances and everything in life for what I was experiencing. But it wasn’t until I realized that I was the common denominator that I was able to change into a more positive (and loving!) mindset.









Thank you so much for watching!

Jenn Stevens The Aligned Life




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Happiness Is An Inside Job

Filed Under: Happiness, Mindset, Video Tagged With: happiness is an inside job

7 Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life

by: Jenn

7 Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life

I’m pretty honest with you all about how I got to be a life coach.

You see, I didn’t just pop into this world knowing what limiting beliefs are, setting intentions (& manifesting them!) and understanding how to manage my own mind and emotions.

NOPE.

In fact, for a very long time my life was the complete opposite of that.

I was quite firmly not in touch with my own Inner Bad-Ass. I was not claiming what I wanted in life on most levels and I was definitely “asleep at the wheel” in many cases (or what I now call Unconscious Living).


Want proof? Here are just a few examples:


           After graduating from university, I felt completely and totally lost when it came to my career for a long time. But honestly, the real problem was I didn’t have a sense of direction! (If you don’t know which shore to swim towards, don’t be surprised that you never find yourself on solid land!) I’d always been given the idea that a great job would just pop up somehow. (Spoiler alert: it didn’t.)


           After struggling to figure out what I wanted to do, I went back to design school and eventually got a job as a designer. Only problem? My workplace was fully toxic. And I don’t say that lightly! It was a full-on boys club that not only devalued my contributions but was also to toxically-masculine that they actively encouraged drunk-driving during work-sanctioned social events. (!!) Yet I stayed on…


           Settled for a romantic relationship that started off okay but actually was not remotely healthy (the classic Narcissist/Empath). Although that would have been news to me at the time! I was still convinced that we “should” have made sense so I spent way too much time and energy trying to make it work. (Not recommended!)


           After ALL of those misadventures and after my marriage imploded, I set about getting a “real” job again. And I did! But again, this ended up being another case of me settling–definitely NOT claiming my worth! Now I learned a lot from that job but I was honestly completely underpaid. PLUS I also experienced sexual harassment over a period of months that I am ashamed to say I didn’t even report to HR. At the time, my bandwidth taken up simply by learning how to be a normal functioning person again (and in retrospect I’m so upset that he got away with it).


I’m sharing all those stories now because now I can see that they all came from the exact same place: my shockingly low levels of self-worth.

But at the time, I thought it was everything else. If only the boss or the partner or the WORLD would treat me better then my life would be better (and I’d be happy).

Which of course I know now to be a completely ass-backwards approach to the whole thing.

Your worth needs to come first. That’s the only time you’ll start expecting more, demanding more and (aha!) receiving more also.

Not that it all happened over night, but truly the only thing that got me to where I am now is deciding that enough’s enough!


I don’t want to live that way anymore.

And I don’t want YOU to either!




That’s the true reason why I’m so passionate about personal development and life coaching.


I fully understand what it’s like to feel like nothing is in your control and that life is just happening to you.



But I also understand just how hard it is to see out of the mess when you’re in it!

Life isn’t always peachy. And sometimes some very confusing and painful things happen to us.

But at the end of it all, you are still here! And despite everything, you’ve walked out the other side feeling stronger, smarter and more appreciative of yourself.

And that’s the most important lesson of all!

So with all of that being said, I’m sharing 7 of the biggest lessons I’ve learned along the way from there until here. I hope that you become inspired by these today–no matter where you might happen to be in your journey!


7 Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life


Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life #1:

You Set Your Own Rules


As a kid, it seemed like rules ran my life. If it wasn’t my parents’ rules, it was school rules, church rules, and the ever-so-tricky rules of the playground. As a kid, people just love to tell you what to do–which is totally necessary to a certain degree! But what happens when you get to adulthood and the rules no longer apply?

No one tells you when this day comes but make no mistake, it does. As an autonomous adult, you actually get to figure out what rules YOU want to follow, parents, church, school be damned.

But no one throws you a party on this day. No one even tells you that it’s even happened! So it’s up to you to figure it out at a certain point. For example:

Hey, this church that I was forced to go to–that doesn’t treat women well–might not be right for me.

Hey, this college major that my parents are so keen on actually doesn’t interest me at all.

Hey, this whole college-career-marriage-kids track that everyone else seems so determined to follow might not even be what I actually want!

Picking your own rules is by far the best part of being an adult! Yet some of us aren’t really exercising this right. Instead, we’re still aiming for approval and trying to live the life that we’ve been told is good for us…and wondering why underneath it all we’re deeply unhappy.

We all live by a set of rules–our rules. So if following the rules isn’t working for you, it might be time to switch yours out for some new ones!


Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life #2:

You Can Control Your Emotions


Emotional education was definitely not something I was taught as a child. In fact, my emotional education consisted more of: “You shouldn’t feel that way!”. Which meant that I mostly learned how to bottle things up and not talk about them ever, instead of understanding them and being able to shift them for something better.

But while emotions might seem like a freight train that knocks us over at times, they really are a lot more in our control than we’ve been taught to believe.

In fact, our emotions are entirely written by us–and learning to slow down and understand the process is exactly how you can learn how to manage them.

Thoughts create feelings. Feelings drive actions. Actions create results.

Simply understanding that one formula will bring you so much more stability and peace over your life than you ever dreamed possible.


Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life #3:

Raising Your Standards Is Good For Everyone


Guess what? The people in your life want you to shine! They want you to do well and to be truly happy in whatever it is that you do. They want you to have incredible supportive relationships, they want you to be able to speak your mind and they want you to be able to be your true self.

But sometimes we get stuck at a certain level in life, simply because that’s all we’ve known (or all we’ve seen our family accomplish). Which is kind of funny really.

Not many people would want to inherit their parents’ musical tastes exclusively. So why would we also want to adopt their standards for living?

The world has changed and there’s a world of opportunity waiting out there. But you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone (and out of the comfort zone of your family) in order to see what you can do.

Don’t let the voice of fear continue to let you play small!

Think about it this way: you never know who you’re inspiring with your life, with your career, with your energy. If you have kids, you owe it to them to be a beacon of possibility. And even if you don’t, there are other people watching and paying attention to what you do.

The more you can accomplish in life the more people you’ll inspire. The more people you inspire, the higher the bar raises for everyone: especially us women and spiritually minded types.

Becoming the best you that you can be really is one of the best ways to change the world for the better! So stop doubting your own greatness and get ready to blow your own mind.


Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life #4:

Your Authentic Self Is What Everyone Wants


Admit it: how many times has this happened to you? You meet an amazing person and you start freaking out a little. You start spending more time together but you find yourself worrying about what you’re going to wear or say or do. You want them to like you so much that you start to conform into an idea of what you think they want. Which seems like a good idea right? I mean, how else are they going to like you?

It’s a pattern as old as dirt and one many of us (both men and women) continue to fall into. But who does this ever benefit?

When we show up as someone other than who we really are, we’re also denying the person of interest the chance to know the real us. Then, as time wears on and it gets more difficult to wear the mask, we end up showing our true colors. That might leave our partner feeling confused or possibly even lied to–even if both parties have participated in the exact same behavior.

No wonder so many of us feel so alone in this world! We’re too afraid to reveal our true selves–so we end up never being seen for who we really are. We deny ourselves the chance of true unconditional love which leaves us feeling lonely and rejected.

But at the end of the day, we’ve denied ourselves this gift. Underneath it all, we all crave real connection. We desire to be seen and loved for us, exactly the way we are. The trick is that we have to learn how to be ourselves fully and authentically if we ever truly want to have this experience.


Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life #5:

Other People’s Stuff Is Their Stuff


It’s a hard pill to swallow at times but this one has ultimately brought me so much more peace than I ever thought was possible.

Other peoples thoughts, words and actions definitely don’t have anything to do with you!

The brutal breakup, the harsh words, the misunderstandings….they might seem like they’re very much directed towards you. But those things are really just the result of someone else’s life experiences: their courage (or lack thereof), the relationship role models they saw as children, their own inability to deal with their own emotions.

This is especially true when people are pointing the finger of blame at you! If someone is straight up telling you that you’re the reason they’re unhappy, you know they don’t know the truth: which is that we’re all responsible for our own happiness. They can pout and cry and yell all they want and even succeed in making you go away. But the same feelings are going to continue to follow them around like a dark cloud until they get brave enough to deal with them themselves.

But that’s their journey. They can’t be rushed through it, just as you could not be rushed through yours. It might hurt and it might be tough to understand at times but you must leave them to live their life on their own and wish them well on their journey.


Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life #6:

Growth Is Continual


Fact: one of the fastest ways to end up sad and dissatisfied with your life is to completely give up on your own growth.

But again, we’ve been fed one very small-minded way of looking at life “success”. The American Dream is what we’re all supposed to be striving for. But the American Dream is actually quite rigid. What happens if you happen to outgrow your career? Or relationship? What happens when you wake up feeling dissatisfied even though you thought you did everything “right”?

The truth is that humans don’t stop growing at the age of 20. We continue to grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally until the day we die. In fact that growth is part of our very nature. The Universe itself is in a state of constant expansion and we should be too.

Sitting around and resting on our laurels can be tempting. (We all love to feel cozy and safe!) But staying too long in any one state will ultimately make us feel like we’re shrinking (and that’s because we are).

Safety and comfort is important but so is pushing ourselves once in a while. Yes, it’s scary to leave the comfort zone but if we don’t it will end up choking the happiness right out of us. There’s a reason why the quote “do one thing a day that scares you” is so popular! We really all need to learn how to scare ourselves, as often as we can bear it.


Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life #7:

Your Personality Is YOUR Creation


Again, as a kid, I grew up thinking I was just the way I was: painfully shy and quiet. It wasn’t until my later teen years that I realized that “personality sentence” wasn’t really true. Of course, I had my moments of shyness. But I also had moments of being funny and friendly and lo-and-behold! I even made friends.

Later on, when I worked in retail, I learned that I could make small talk with almost anyone. Fast forward to today and I regularly put out podcasts and YouTube videos. Even as an adult, it took me a little while to get comfortable doing either of those things. But if I had continued to cling to the idea that I was painfully shy I probably wouldn’t have even started.

Your ideas about yourself are one of the most harmful things in the way of becoming who you really want to be. The problem is we’ve all held onto those labels from our childhood for so long that we actually believe them to be true–and we have an army of “evidence” to back them all up.

But they’re not 100% true. And since they’re not 100% that means there are times when those ideas are not true at all. And if you start focusing on those small bubbles of time you might be surprised to notice just how many there are.

So think about the stories and ideas you hold about yourself and really be honest with yourself. Are these stories helping or hurting? Do they match who you really want to be–or are they just another obstacle in your path?

You might be an adult now but you’re far from dead. You can continue to learn and grow in whatever way you want to! That means you can learn how to be a great public speaker, tell a joke, entertain a crowd, do whatever else it is that you want to do–if you’re willing to put your mind to it.




So tell me: did you resonate with this? What lesson do you need to hear right now the most?




Your life is always changing and rearranging my loves! And that’s a beautiful thing. But what matters the most (only always) is what you take from the experience!



Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about raise your worth or this one about living from your core values.




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7 Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life

7 Lessons That Transformed My Life | Mindset + Manifestation

Filed Under: Happiness, Mindset, Relationships, Self Work Tagged With: Lessons That Transformed My Entire Life, life lessons

Authenticity: Are You Wearing A Mask?

by: Jenn

Authenticity: Are You Wearing A Mask?

Are you wearing a mask in your personal relationships? Many of us do-and there are a few different ways that can happen! First in this video, I explain how wearing a mask (or false persona) too much can become damaging over time! Being authentic is necessary for us for a real connection with those in our lives. Second, I explain how the concept of the mask can actually be used as a tool for self-growth and manifestation.

I hope this post inspires you today & happy Halloween!









Thank you so much for watching!

Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




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Authenticity: Are You Wearing A Mask?

Filed Under: Happiness, Video Tagged With: authenticity, happiness video, mindset video, wearing a mask

Take The Happiness Challenge!

by: Jenn

Take The Happiness Challenge!

The Happiness Challenge | Happiness isn’t something you find after a certain goal or event. It’s something you can CREATE starting right now! Yet happiness often continues to elude us. In this video, I share my best tips to create your own happiness starting TODAY!









Thank you so much for watching!

Jenn Stevens | The Aligned Life




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Take The Happiness Challenge!

Filed Under: Happiness, Video Tagged With: happiness challenge, happiness habits

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Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author | Spiritual Life & Business Coach | Creator of The Aligned Life and I teach you how to mind hack your way to your manifestation dreams!

 

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The present creates the past.Or, in other words, The present creates the past.Or, in other words, your STORY about the who, the what, the why IS the only thing that matters.Mindset work won't change the facts of course.It's not going to go back in time to change things or make other people suddenly see the light.(Damnit!)But it can change the person you BECAME because of what happened.Sometimes we close ourselves off to our own miracles because we're clinging so hard to those old stories.When we think that because the past is set in stone, our stories have to stay the same too.I get it though! I used to be SHOCKINGLY ATTACHED to my sob story, firmly stuck in victim mode.All the time DREAMING about where I wanted to go--and confused as to why I wasn't there yet.Fortunately (after a lot of STRUGGLE) I opened my mind to change, massive shifts and MIRACLES.That's why I can tell you that getting stuck in wishing things were different cuts us off from both our power in the present and our ability to process.So know this my beautiful soul: the only liberation we need is our own.When you get brave enough to finally DO that, your whole world really will change.(& PS if you need a little help creating your own miracle, I have a few coaching spots open! Wanna learn more about how to apply this powerful work to your life? Send me a DM & let's chat!)
And now for a quick message from your Higher Self: And now for a quick message from your Higher Self:Love yourself enough to LET IT GOBreathe deep & have a happy Sunday my beautiful babes!
You are magic itself.And your desires have meani You are magic itself.And your desires have meaning for the WORLD.So if you really KNEW that you were here to feel happy and do the things that bring you joy, what would you be doing differently?If you’re like me, it’s too easy to forget our true divine nature.It’s too easy to believe our worries and limitations more than we trust ourselves and this beautiful journey.But if you could trust your magic for just a moment, what would change?If you knew your dreams where a matter of WHEN not if, how would this moment be different?All the magic you ever needed is IN you already. All you need to do right now is TUNE into it!
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because Identity shifting is KEY to manifesting.Because you ALWAYS manifest from your subconscious mind.Meaning you WILL play out old programs and ideas over and over again.Until YOU decide enough's enough! And do the work to REPROGRAM your mind to reflect what it you want and who you need to be.But sometimes, this work doesn't FEEL like it's doing anything.Those little tiny shifts on the inside are close to invisible--which might even make you doubt that it's happening at all.But trust me gorgeous, it IS.Keep taking tiny steps forward.Keep doubling down on who you WANT to be.TRUST the process and understandThat little by little, bit by bitIt all adds upUntil one day you look around and realize: I'm already there.
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn
What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yours What would it be like to TRULY be enough for yourself?💜To not CRAVE that outside approval or validation?To forget about other people's opinions or what they say behind your back?To not motivate yourself to move TOWARDS something only because you cannot stand where you are?This just goes to show that as much as we all LOATHE to admit it, so much of what we do is based off of artificially leveraging ourselves UP.If so-and-so would only say "good job"If that person would LOVE meIf I finally did [ insert arbitrary goal here ]THEN I could finally feel good and actually TRULY love myself.Sometimes we all get our wires crossed on this at times. (Myself included!)We focus on the future fantasy that our issues will MAGICALLY disappear once X/Y/Z happens.And we chase the things outside of us, forgetting that the ONLY place our true happiness lies is within ourselves.I'm here to warn you:You could run the whole race of life and NOT get what you think you need from other people.You could meet milestone after milestone and still NEVER feel like you measure up. 😩ORYou could start being enough, right here, right now.Enough = you as you are, flaws, mistakes and all.Enough = you without anyone else.Enough = you.💗Happy Thursday Conscious Creator friends!
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with love + miracles ✨
~ Jenn

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