Working with a life coach is one of the most transformative experiences you can ever have!
(And yes I’m confident saying that even though I might be a little biased.)
But I get it: there are lots of people out there who still think working on yourself is indulgent or self-obsessed. According to our conservative Puritanical programming, you’re not supposed to dwell on yourself so much because doing so might make you lazy, egotistical or greedy.
However, to me, that’s just a great example of why we need to question all of our programming. You could just nod along and agree with what you’ve been taught. But it might serve you more to question whether or not that idea is really true.
I strongly believe we’re all brought here on planet earth to thrive, to feel love and to be happy. That doesn’t mean we get to be happy 24/7 of course! We need the tough times and contrast to show us what’s really important. (It would be like having bright sunshine 24/7! Eventually you’d not even notice it.)
Despite outward appearances, most of us are not that happy at all! We’ve been conditioned to fall into line and to do what society (our parents, the media, our friends etc.) want us to do. But our own version of happiness is often very different than anyone else’s!
That’s exactly why I’m on a mission to bring emotional literacy to the entire planet! Because this work is the complete opposite of being self-indulgent! The more we can make ourselves happy, the less we’ll have to
3 Life Coaching Tools To Help You Transform Your Mindset
Self Life Coaching Tool #1:
One of the biggest problems with our brain is that it often feels like our mind is an overcrowded subway car. There are just soooo many thoughts and ideas squeezing themselves in there! Of course it’s hard to concentrate or make things organized when all those little thoughts are piled up on each other, all vying for your attention.
Some of you might already know the magic of journalling to help alleviate this chaos! And some of you might be rolling your eyes right now. But trust me on this: simply getting the thoughts out of your brain is one of the best possible things you can do for your mental health.
Morning pages is a practice I first learned in Julia Cameron’s book, The Artists Way. No, this is not a coaching book at all but honestly, this simple practice has made the most profound differences to my own mental well-being. So I’m sure it can do the same for you.
How To Do It:
Take 15 or 20 minutes for yourself in the morning and spend it writing down eery single thought that pops into your mind! Don’t judge the thoughts, don’t try to make your writing neat and cohesive. Your only goal is to get it all out. Once the timer is up, stop writing. I like to throw my sheets away but you might want to keep yours if something interesting came up.
Self Life Coaching Tool #2:
By bar, one of my favorite coaching tools is The Model by Brooke Castillo. I used to use The 4 Questions by Byron Katie but I think The Model does a slightly better job of getting to the root of any problem.
Essentially, this process is just a great way to realize what’s actually causing you stress. (Hint: the answer is always something that we are choosing to think!)
How To Do It:
Here’s how it works: you fill out the model to fit any (and yes I mean ANY) problem that you facing right now to see where you can start to make some changes.
Here’s an example:
Circumstance: my boyfriend broke up with me
Thought: He didn’t really love me (because I am unlovable)
Feeling: unloved, rejected
Action: isolating yourself, having a pity party
Result: feeling even more lonely and hopeless
Often, once we can get this stuff out onto paper then we can start to untangle where the problem really is! (ie. in our own mind!) In this example, you can see that it’s really the core thought of “I am unlovable” that’s causing the pain.
So what would happen if you switched out the thought? What if you thought your break up was simply because your boyfriend realized that you two weren’t a good match?
It’s hard to see at times but the circumstance (ie. the breakup, in this case) is always neutral. It’s our thoughts about the circumstance that are the painful things. (And don’t freak out if this is hard for you to see for yourself! Sometimes the best thing is really to find a life coach who can help you work through it.)
Self Life Coaching Tool #3:
It’s harsh but true: your mind is an absolute magnet for chaos and drama! It’s used to waving its arms around like one of those inflatable arm waver things that you see on car lots. Your thoughts are used to bouncing all over the place, repeating all kinds of unhelpful ideas like “I don’t know” and “I can’t do this”. But if you can face those thoughts and let them slip away for a few minutes, you might be surprised to find out just what else your brain can come up with.
But it’s amazing how much you can challenge your brain to figure out if you simply hold out for an answer instead of falling into the brain chaos.
How To Do It:
Think about one of your goals right now and instead of letting the brain chaos take over, let’s challenge ourselves to be constructive for a change.
What’s one step you could take towards it? And the next step? And the next step?
If it’s more helpful, what’s a smaller goal you need to hit first? For example, if you want to make $10,000 in the next month, what do you have to make in the first month? Write it down.
Then write down all the steps you can think of to help get you there.
When you’re patient with yourself, you might just be amazed at how quickly you can go from “I don’t know” or “I can’t do this” to generating a perfectly respectable plan of action all by yourself!
Of course, having a plan does not guarantee that everything will go to plan! But having a plan is the starting point and will get you a lot farther towards your goals than just letting your brain insist that you don’t know how.
So what did you think? Which self life coaching tool are you going to try first? Which one did you have the most success with?
You really can train yourself do get so much positive mind work done, with a little tenacity. And of course, if you want that extra help, then come on over and check out my life coaching services. I’d love to help you apply this work and really make it work for you.